To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

[ifeelsoextraordinary]

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

IMO it’s only worth a “real stretch” financially if the local state options perform badly or your child is miserable there, and moving isn’t an option.

The most competitive 'best' private schools seen out SEN children so as not to drag down their results/preformance rating.

I think private primary education is worth it. It instills the mindset that school is for working in, a good standard of behaviour in class, & that with hard work, anything is possible in future. These together enhance future attainment. Subsequently however, a good grammar or secondary school is better in delivering a balanced environment to develop friendships with pupils from a variety of backgrounds, an essential skill for life. They also often offer a broader range of subjects. I also think that struggling to pay fees for age 11+ when costs go up, puts unnecessary pressure on families and additional pressure and expectation on children 'to deliver' and these combined can underline potential future mental health problems in children; so unless paying fees is genuinely going to be an issue financially, it is not a route I would go down.

We did private until year 6 and then state. No regrets I think the small class size when younger stood DD in good stead.

When she was older a larger school was best for her, the local private schools were co Ed and she and I wanted girls only hence state. Very happy with it.

Choose right school for the kid is the best advice I can give.

I did prep for my 2 youngest and don’t regret it for a second. It was absolutely the best money I could have spent for my middle one and was the making of her. The youngest would have been fine in a decent state primary but DH felt strongly about a particular prep school.

They’re all at / going to state secondary. No regrets, the school is amazing and they’re doing brilliantly. I’m very pleased that we are saving around £60k a year in fees and getting them a great education for free.

At the end of the day it's about getting the right school for your child, not about whether that school is private or state. You need to know what you want from the school and you need to have reasonable expectations of the school. No school can make your child clever. An Olympic size pool won't make your child into an Olympic level swimmer. And the success of an education isn't measurable only by exam results. A school is not a machine for processing your child into 11 grade 9s at GCSE. You have to look at the whole experience.

Very happy with our choice for dd. She is dyslexic and I am sceptical of the state sectors ability to get the best out of children with spLD with class sizes of 30. Taught in classes of 15 or fewer she achieved really good GCSE results. Also the school trips were far better than those offered to her brother at a state grammar, and I enjoyed being a customer and being treated as such (flexible, responsive and accomodating approach from school)

Meant to add that her OFSTED outstanding village primary school was a shit show for her. They did well with the neuro typicals but not those with additional needs - which is why we went private for secondary education (and thank God we did)

Not at all. DC have thrived. Especially DS2. DS1 would have done well academically wherever he was, though he is super-geeky and struggled to make friends at state primary, but has a good friendship group at his private school. DS2 was painfully shy, not very academic, with lots of social issues from having ASD. But he was so well nurtured by the school that he's now happy, sociable and planning to apply for Oxbridge. No idea if he'll get in, but seeing him gain the confidence to even think about it makes me happy.
I know the local state school is excellent. It was our second choice out of all the schools we looked at, including all the private ones. But the catchment is tiny and DC weren't offered a place there anyway.

Without a doubt the best money I have spent - in a state he would have been in lower sets with a lack of aspiration and disruption. In his very well regarded prep the school got behind him and now he has confidence and is on track for A/B at GCSE and has public school polish with fantastic manners

They usually dress it up as their child needing small class sizes and to be among like-minded studious pupils without SEN or other disadvantages

I don’t know why more people aren’t a little bit more honest and say that yes, actually it is lovely to be with ‘naice’ children in a small class with minimal disruption.

That is obviously a massive reason for paying for private! Not just the nice facilities and extra curricular activities. Obviously those are great too, but it’s all part of the package.

I certainly enjoyed being in classes of a similar ability and not having teenagers who could barely read constantly disrupt lessons, throw things at me and try to take my stuff. I would have done better if my comp had set or streamed but they didn’t except for maths.

Phlebas: My sister is head of a private school. All three of her children attended. They have all done no better, once the old school network is taken away, than my kids. They all did well initially after school because of the school name and social networks. But the further away from the school they went the more they had to rely on resilience, persistence and actual real talent and drive. Thus they have ended up doing no better than my comp kids and very much worse in one case as once the surround of a rarified education was gone the young adult was exposed as being very much unprepared for the real world in the sector she entered.

This is a source of much frustration to her at family gatherings. Particularly as she would love to lord it over me.

I wonder how much of this is in your own head.

I send my children to private schools since nursery because we can reasonably comfortably afford it. My SIL uses the state sector. She seems to expect my dcs to do very well academically (or better than hers at least) otherwise we would be wasting our money. Paying for schooling is about maximising the child's potential and giving them choices. It will not turn them into Einstein if they were not of that raw materials. Private schooling is to get a holistic education for the child, not just academics because lord knows not every child is academic but they might be good at art or sports or music and drama too.

Your sneery post about your sister's dcs belies your own insecurity.

They usually dress it up as their child needing small class sizes and to be among like-minded studious pupils without SEN or other disadvantages

You do get SEN in private schools. My dc probably has 2 kids in his class with SEN. The only common denominator in private schools is that the parents generally care enough about education to want to pay for it. Therefore the parental support, working with the school, is there and the school is responsive to parents' demands as they are the paying customer. Achievement is celebrated amongst the students because the parents are generally achievement orientated and want the same for their dcs. The school has similarly high expectations for the students in terms of grades and behaviour.

Yes, that is a big part of why I shell out for school fees.

I don't think that buying a house outright for a kid at 20 is common. But I do know an awful lot of people who had private educations themselves and are now sending their kids to (good) state schools and supplementing their education outside of school, on the grounds that "school fees keep going up and I want to be able to help my child out with a housing deposit at some stage. Not to mention my own pension."

I think a lot of non-selective private schools that are "nice" rather than producers of amazing results will probably struggle financially as time goes on. There will always be a market for expensive elite institutions though.

Maybe ask the children and see what they say? For my DD, yes definitely. The pastoral side is excellent and small classes of 16 are amazing. Also, the local primary was overcrowded and just doesn't match in terms of opportunities.

DS is one of the SEN kids at his Indy school and has needed a lot of support to reach where he is today, confident and motivated and flying academically. I'm very thankful for pulling him out of his state primary where non of his SEN was flagged up.

Private education could be a long term commitment. Just beware that if it is a "huge stretch" financially now, what will it be like in future years? For many years now, private school fees have been increasing between 2 and 3 times the rate of inflation, a rate which also exceeds wage growth. The Independent Schools Council reports that average fees increased this year by 3.3% which is the lowest for 24 years.

This thread is hilarious. There is no way in hell we would be able to afford to send our child to private school even if we wanted to

My kids adore their school, they are so happy there and love going. I bounced from school to school growing up, never fit in anywhere, didn't make long lasting friends .... to have my kids look forward to going to school every day is worth every penny.

“Public school polish with fantastic manners”

That’s interesting because that’s not my experience of private school pupils at all - and I went to one!

Both our DC will go to state schools, for an all-rounded holistic education.

Definitely, had to make a lot of sacrifices to cover the costs, but to see how well there are doing as a result, worth every penny.

I don’t think you are going to get an accurate answer really OP, because unless it is a stretch it doesn’t really matter does it? If it is going to be a stretch to you though, I really think there are much better ways to spend your money.

I don't think there is one answer either.

I do think though if financially it's a "huge stretch" then it's not worth it and not fair on the kids. Because they know and then they have too much pressure. It impacts on every day life, you worrying about bills, no holidays that sort of thing.

If financially it's a huge stretch I'd probably recommend against it.

What is the point asking for anecdotal evidence on here? especially when people have huge incentives to tell themselves it was worth it (who wants to think they wasted thousands of pounds?)

Parents can't know if it was worth it, because they can't know how well their kids would have done in a different school, at best they can tell you if it was a good experience or not, but that doesn't mean it was worth it

Just look at the research, which almost uniformly shows that private education is NOT worth it!

For what it is worth, I was privately educated, I did very well, but would have done well wherever I went, not boasting, just true, I was always incredibly motivated and spent the majority of my time reading (still do!).

Sent Ds2 and ds3 for primary. Regretted it financially (underestimated increasing costs). Waan’t great for Ds2 in juniors - think he would have been happier somewhere bigger. Was very good for ds3, so was worth it for him - even though it was a squeeze financially.