To ask if you regret educating your kids privately?

[ifeelsoextraordinary]

Having the state v private debate at the moment for our D.C....it would be a huge stretch but do-able. If you sent your kids to private education, do you think it was worth it? Would you do it again?

I know this isn’t quite your question, but my parents made sacrifices to sent me to a (mediocre) private school, and I wish they hadn’t.

I know I sound ungrateful. But having your educational successes inextricably linked with your parents’ insecurities and worries about money is really quite stressful when you’re a teenager.

Also, I found being the poor kid in a world populated by rich kids quite tough.

I'd also make the distinction between wanting to be well educated and well paid. For example, I work with a lot of specialised HGV drivers who earn on average £50k - as much as many graduates. These guys are highly skilled but often not particularly refined individuals.

You also have no idea what (if anything) the posters on this thread have done or will do to assist with future housing costs.

No, but the OP's question included the fact that it would be a huge stretch, so that was the context, I will admit that it's possible that the OP was saying it was a huge stretch after ensuring they had a tidy endowment at 18, but then I would've expected the question to be phrased differently.

We certainly regretted it when my stepson failed his finals, had an additional year to retake and, after all that, still ended up with an ordinary (unclassified) degree. We could have put seven years private school fees into our pensions instead. Wish we had.

You say it would be "huge stretch" OP - just to warn you, the fees rose about 10% year on year during the time our 3 DDs were at private school so don't undertake it if it is only just affordable because it could become unaffordable in the future

And to answer your question: no we did not regret it

They usually dress it up as their child needing small class sizes and to be among like-minded studious pupils without SEN or other disadvantages

Well, being used as a babysitter/unpaid TA for disruptive kids isn’t much fun.

I’m sure I’ll be accused of being a nasty cow. Know that I am autistic, and so was ostracised and excluded by my peers throughout school.

Hi mindutopia, can I ask who looked after you while your mum was doing three jobs? I'm always in awe of people who have done that but as an SP myself I can't figure out how to do it. I work FT and can barely cover the childcare etc for OOH, holidays etc.

If anyone knows of any good ways to earn money from home in the evenings please let me know... Clean suggestions only ;)

I don't regret it at all. We had not planned it but fell into the system as we are in an area with very large, mediocre state schools although the independents are not vastly better
DS would have been led astray before you could blink in a larger class and with more unruly classmates but did well academically, gained soft skills from the extra-curricular activities (like sport, debating, cadet force, etc), went on to a top uni and now has a very good job.

No, but the OP's question included the fact that it would be a huge stretch, so that was the context, I will admit that it's possible that the OP was saying it was a huge stretch after ensuring they had a tidy endowment at 18, but then I would've expected the question to be phrased differently.

Fair enough. Your post included the word 'pressure' which no one on the thread had used before my post so I assumed your post was aimed at me.

It’s my biggest regret for my 14 year old son. When he was younger he thrived in the small classes and loved all the sport. Now he is much more complicated, hormonal, with ADHD currently unmedicated because of dreadful side effects and mental health problems. He is failing everything and the pastoral care is atrocious at his very prestigious school.They’ll probably throw him out at some point and he’ll have no qualifications. They are only interested in high achievers. Unfortunately he is refusing a move to a state school where he would have access to much more support.

I think it will depend on the child and the school.

Mine have all gone to a very academic state school that is not far off a grammar in some respects. They have thrived there. DS has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. We dallied with the idea of private but only through scholarship. However, now that he's out the other end I can honestly say I don't think he'd have done any better at private, apart from the networking side of it. (And even that's not a given. My siblings and I all went to private school and it didn't make one iota of difference to us. Others, I'm sure, will have benefitted.)

Attitude and approach to learning (and life!) are going to be more valuable and I know DS' wouldn't have changed regardless of the school environment.

It's a cliche but it really depends on the child and the school.
The private schools that get top exam results do so largely because they are super selective and only take the kids who would do well anywhere. My worry there would be whether the child would thrive in an extremely competitive school where trey would be asked to leave if likely to drag form exam results. I doubt the value for money to be honest.
I have one DC in a non selective private school because he had severe MH issues and was bullied in mainstream state school. He has been much happier in the private school (even though his friends are all from much wealthier families). A selective private school would not have touched him with a bargepole because of his MH, although he got all A's and A*s at GCSEs.
My other kids are in state school and will remain there unless they are not able to cope like their brother.

I have just applied for two private schools for dd10, year 7 next year. We are hoping for a bursary as the cost is undoable for us. Our catchment school is dire and all of the other ones nearby are massively oversubscribed so there's no chance of getting in out of catchment. I m hoping she is accepted as she deserves way better than our catchment school has to offer. I was privately educated on an assisted place and I want her to have the same opportunity I did. If she gets a private education on a bursary I hope when she is older she will pay it forward and give others the same opportunity. My DH wasn't convinced as he went to a state school, but he collected her from one of the private schools' taster days and he could see a massive difference and is backing my decision.

We also have a ds 9 in year 4, we may not be having the same conversations in two years time as he is very different to dd and private school may not be the right environment for him, he is sporty and practical while dd is very academic. I know the private school ethos and environment is the right choice for her.

If our catchment school had a good reputation, I may not have been so adamant as I am but the state options here are not for her.

My two go to a small private school locally. The nearest state school has class sizes of 30 to a class with one teacher. In their current school there are 20 to a class with a teacher and teaching assistant. The school is nurturing and the children are covering a wide range of subjects, not just the traditional academic ones. I think the academic results are perhaps only slightly better than the local state school but the main difference is in the development of their social side. Luckily we only pay a very small amount in fees as the school is state subsidized, so there is no financial hardship to our decision. To be honest it was an absolute no-brainer. I have heard stories of overcrowding and bullying in the state school.

I was sent to a private school for nearly 4 years from the age of 9 and I think my parents regretted it. They removed me from the school at 13 as I hadn't become the straight A high-achiever that they expected the school fees should give them.

The other thing to say, which may not be popular, is that we strategically moved house when the DC were small to an area with good state secondary schools. We could have moved somewhere with cheaper houses but figured that it was long term more cost effective to pay more on housing if the state schools were good.

Hojas think you'll find it's just 'hoi polloi', with no 'the'. Hoi is a definite article.

No regrets although 3 sets of school fees aged 2 - 18 has been an immense cost. I think it would have been good to go part state part private but it didn’t happen like that and overall I’m happy with our choice.

Ha lots of my parents friends are about the money they spent and freely admit it was basically a waste of money. The children of those in the friendship group who were at the perfectly decent local comp have done better professionally and also had a pretty good time at school. After so many years have passed and the “children” mostly nearly 40 the need to justify their decisions and save face has faded

You do realise that teachers in private schools don't have to be qualified don't you?
(same in academies now too)

My sister is head of a private school. All three of her children attended. They have all done no better, once the old school network is taken away, than my kids. They all did well initially after school because of the school name and social networks. But the further away from the school they went the more they had to rely on resilience, persistence and actual real talent and drive. Thus they have ended up doing no better than my comp kids and very much worse in one case as once the surround of a rarified education was gone the young adult was exposed as being very much unprepared for the real world in the sectorshe entered.

This is a source of much frustration to her at family gatherings. Particularly as she would love to lord it over me.

Oh is it Jesus? How interesting - I never knew!

You do realise that teachers in private schools don't have to be qualified don't you?
(same in academies now too)

Depending on the person in question and how they fit as part of the team, I don’t always see that as a negative.

Yes I regret it - I paid for junior school for my dcs and then they went state in secondary school (good local secondary states here). Looking at the academics and intangibles (such as accent) I would have done just as well (if not better) sending the dcs to the local (good ) state primary. The privates around here claim they are working a year ahead of the state schools - absolute bollocks as far as I can see.