Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

All people are created equal—that is, unless they’re fat

156 replies

phlirty · 30/10/2018 17:10

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/real-healing/201308/i-see-fat-people

Research reveals that weight discrimination is hurled at people from all directions:

More than half of doctors described their overweight patients as ugly, awkward and non-compliant with treatment.

Nearly one-quarter of nurses admitted to feeling repulsed by their obese patients.

Nearly 30 percent of teachers said that becoming obese was "the worst thing that can happen to someone."

Defendants in lawsuits who are overweight are more likely to get slapped with a guilty verdict.

More than 70 percent of obese people reported being ridiculed about their weight by a family member.

Fifty-two percent of obese individuals believe they’ve been discriminated against when seeking employment or a promotion.

Children as young as 4 are reluctant to make friends with an overweight child.

I've been obese after being a very slim child. Now I'm normal BMI. It's a struggle though. I don't know what the answer to all this is. I feel sorry for the kids though. They are growing up in an environment where it is much easier to put on weight than lose it. Then have to put up with this. Mixed messages. Wasn't the same problem when I was a kid.

OP posts:
Graphista · 31/10/2018 00:22

I was VERY slim until my mid 30's when following an accident my mobility took a serious hit. That, worsening asthma, a nervous breakdown and ageing have all contributed I believe to my weight gain. I did lose a couple stone with ww a few years back and so am now "overweight" but not "obese". I'm now 46 and due to health issues food is one of the few pleasures I have.

I've another thread running regarding the misogyny within healthcare which I feel this very much ties into.

Drs don't take other factors into account. I'm on TWO medications that are KNOWN to affect weight/metabolism, documented physical disability yet REGARDLESS of why I'm speaking to a dr it's repeatedly mentioned! Even if it has ABSOLUTELY NO relation to the condition I'm seeing them about.

And yes, as I've said on other threads on the subject, I think British culture (longer working hours, poor weather meaning we don't have an outdoorsy culture, expensive formal exercise options, poor food culture - as in what we're sold/have advertised to us, what's cheap to buy short term etc) really doesn't help matters yet the govt are reluctant to make REAL changes (ie ones that would really affect big business!) that could help matters.

In terms of getting jobs I definitely found it MUCH easier getting work when I was young, slim & if I do say myself more attractive. Even though of course I had fewer qualifications and less experience then. ESPECIALLY jobs with a physical element. But this didn't surprise me as I've friends and relatives who have always been overweight as adults, are extremely well qualified and experienced in their fields who've over the years whenever they've needed to go for a new job or promotion said they're dreading it because they know their weight will be held against them.

Yet I've worked in physical jobs and certainly come across people who although slim were either unfit or plain lazy! While also meeting overweight staff who were efficient grafters!

"It's an eyeopener when you've been both slim AND big." DEFINITELY! Generally dd is quite good but she occasionally gets impatient with her bff who is overweight. Again it's partly due to medication (also asthmatic, quite badly so) and I pull her up and remind her she doesn't know what it's like (slim all her life if anything has struggled to gain weight, eats LOADS but has a disability which can mean a higher metabolism.

However, can I say that the naturally VERY slim can get a hard time too. I had it when I was teen getting accused of being anorexic or a drug addict and all sorts, and dds had that too, plus a few cousins - my family are all naturally very slim except the women if they have babies.

"but I thought those were the "liking humanity" professions" 😂😂😂 yea erm no... They also attract less kind types who enjoy having a certain power over others, or who are more interested in the intellectual aspects of those careers.

Being overweight isn't as simple as eating too much and being lazy (despite what certain mners would like to think - and I'd LOVE to see verified proof of THEIR size! AND that they don't have issues of their own with food) food is heavily tied into emotions as is our motivation to be active or not.

"It’s because being overweight is a choice really." Oh really? You REALLY think genetics, poverty, medications, certain medical conditions that affect metabolism (which are NOTORIOUSLY under dx in this country! Let alone treated properly!), mh issues, SN, aggressive advertising and promotion of less healthy food & drink have NOTHING to do with it?!

Posters who think this - how would you KNOW it was a choice and not due to an underlying condition and frankly unless you're the persons hcp treating them for a weight related condition it's none of your business and you have no right to judge people based on their weight.

Ubertasha2 · 31/10/2018 00:46

I am very overweight atm, and have been v underweight before (have had many an ed).

Both times I have had disgustingly cruel, crude and rude comments, but definitely more so as a larger person. It’s atrocious, frankly: how it’s ok to insult anyone regardless of their size or shape, and how us larger people are targets.

I don’t really go out anymore at night as I dread hearing rude comments, it’s really upsetting. And it’s not as easy to lose the weight. And I am not even obese, just huge bottom half. I really feel for people even larger than me: it is soul-destroying and crushing to hear sniggers.

I’m glad I don’t have kids because some people have birthed these vicious fat-shamers. If my kids laughed at larger people, I would be absolutely ashamed of them.

Thanks Mumsnet for letting me get that off my chest. Best therapy ever!

phlirty · 31/10/2018 08:47

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2758934-To-Think-There-are-Worse-Things-I-Could-Be-Than-Fat

An old thread, but interesting reading nonetheless.

OP posts:
PoesyCherish · 31/10/2018 08:53

Nearly 30 percent of teachers said that becoming obese was "the worst thing that can happen to someone

I've never been obese but have been very overweight. These teachers live very sheltered lives if they feel it's the worst thing possible. What worse than watching your FIL die of cancer less than a year after being diagnosed? Or worse than a child being abused, or a young adult ending up in a women's aid shelter to keep her safe with no job and no money and forced to quit education just to survive?

How I would love to have a life where the worst thing that could ever happen to me is becoming obese Hmm

Gromance02 · 31/10/2018 09:11

I assume those people that don't expect to be judged on being obese, don't judge alcoholics for their lifestyle choices or any other kind of addiction?

user59589098 · 31/10/2018 09:17

I assume those people that don't expect to be judged on being obese, don't judge alcoholics for their lifestyle choices or any other kind of addiction?

I don't. It maybe helps that we have addiction in the family and I know I have some lovely family members who have problems and I know that sometimes the roots of addiction go very deep.

Desecratedcoconut · 31/10/2018 09:25

I think ugly people probably struggle more than fat people when it comes to unspoken prejudice and how it influences the course of their life

BumDisease · 31/10/2018 09:27

Well considering that many people think fatness and ugliness go hand in hand...

StylishMummy · 31/10/2018 09:31

If you want to be slimmer to get this supposed 'slim advantage' then lose weight 

I gained 4st from prescribed steroids and have had to work extremely hard to get it off but I did and now reap the rewards

BumDisease · 31/10/2018 09:33

How nice for you.

ButchyRestingFace · 31/10/2018 09:36

I think ugly people probably struggle more than fat people when it comes to unspoken prejudice and how it influences the course of their life

Try being bald and female. Smile

Desecratedcoconut · 31/10/2018 09:37

I don't think most people do think fatness and ugliness go hand in hand. 63% of adults in the UK are overweight, I'm sure they aren't all quickly equated to ugly.

Desecratedcoconut · 31/10/2018 09:39

Following surgery and all my hair now dropping out in clumps, I might just get to experience that particular joy Butchy.

Satsumaeater · 31/10/2018 09:40

Actually the last bastion of "acceptable" discrimination is heightism against small men. People are very rude towards shorter men. You can't change your height and I find it totally unacceptable.

You can change your weight. I am not saying it is easy, but it's possible in nearly all cases. So if you don't like people being rude, there is a solution, albeit that it might not be that easy.

StylishMummy · 31/10/2018 09:42

@BumDisease is there a reason you're so unpleasant?

Unless it's down to medication/a physical condition, there's no reason for an adult human to be overweight unless they're eating too many calories and not burning enough.

mumto2babyboys · 31/10/2018 09:49

What on earth is this thread? About weight and looks

People have so much more to offer the world than how they look

Kindness/friendship/giving to charity.

Trying to do good in the world and stand up for the things that are wrong and don't just walk on by

Be thankful for good health and improving health

instead of judging people by their appearance

30% is not all humankind

We say everyone is the same on the operating table because we are all human

I work in healthcare, and if you got diagnosed with cancer suddenly would your weight or appearance matter anymore?

There are more important things in life than how anyone looks

Katie piper is a great example to follow

BumDisease · 31/10/2018 09:56

@StylishMummy

I can almost see and hear the head tilt and "tinkly laugh" from here.

To labour the point AGAIN that has been repeated on these boards hundreds of times, you have no idea what drives someone to be and stay overweight, as no one does it for fun. Maybe they are just greedy and lazy, or maybe they're on medication, maybe they're suffering from an eating disorder, maybe they're depressed, have some kind of trauma, and are using food as a comfort where some might use drugs or alcohol...

So, good for you for losing the weight. It's fucking HARD. But maybe have a little empathy for those who aren't quite there yet?

user59589098 · 31/10/2018 09:57

mumto2babyboys

A lovely philosophy. Maybe one day humankind will reach that level of insight, but I think we've a long way to go yet, sadly.

Suttree · 31/10/2018 10:01

@BumDisease - the vast majority of over weight people are that way because they eat too much and don't move enough. Simple as that.

BumDisease · 31/10/2018 10:06

@suttree

And?

derxa · 31/10/2018 10:16

I lost 7 stone in weight at one point. The change in the way people treated me was frightening. Especially men. The constant chatting up and touching (not assault I may add). However I then got cancer and the weight all went back on. Quite honestly I'm much more comfortable now. Not so much in changing rooms though.

user23334444 · 31/10/2018 10:27

The people who are able to exercise easily and without pain and aren't on medication are probably the least understanding.

If someone is in a wheelchair and has pain and weight-increasing meds, they have to eat very, very little. Until you've been in that position and could honestly say you could live every day feeling hungry but having to resist food you know you can't burn off, then perhaps you can't really understand.

Suttree · 31/10/2018 10:28

Maybe they are just greedy and lazy, or maybe they're on medication, maybe they're suffering from an eating disorder, maybe they're depressed, have some kind of trauma, and are using food as a comfort where some might use drugs or alcohol - So @BumDisease the above from you isn't really relevant for most people.

HairyStorm · 31/10/2018 10:33

I'm reminded of a conversation with a lovely lady at the DWP when my BMI was 43. She asked how I felt about my job prospects.

I pointed out we were in a shit northern town that really wasn't recovering from multiple global recessions, and that my lack of references or consistent work history as a result of mental health issues were against me but I was doing a college course and voluntary work to mitigate these factors, but there wasn't much I could do about employers' potential unconscious bias against women my age likely to have babies, or their bias against fat people.

She had a massive go at me, informed me that there's no such thing as bias or discrimination against fat people, that I had made the whole thing up, and if I didn't change my attitude sharpish she'd sanction me.

As for the suggestion upthread that being fat is a lifestyle choice - yes, because I totally chose: to be born to parents who hadn't the time or money to cook beautiful healthy meals from scratch; to have sensory issues limiting what they could actually feed me; to be bribed with junk food by the paedophile next door leading to lifelong food issues; to be fobbed off any time I asked for help with the resulting mental health issues; to be put on a medication that fucked with my appetite such that I gained seven stone and couldn't shift it.

Yep. Totally a lifestyle choice. No structural issues there at all.

Suttree · 31/10/2018 10:40

pointed out we were in a shit northern town that really wasn't recovering from multiple global recessions, and that my lack of references or consistent work history as a result of mental health issues were against me but I was doing a college course and voluntary work to mitigate these factors, but there wasn't much I could do about employers' potential unconscious bias against women my age likely to have babies, or their bias against fat people. From that para alone I can tell you're determined to remain a victim and not take any responsibility for your life