To Think There are Worse Things I Could Be Than Fat??(60 Posts)
My colleagues were having a very loud conversation this morning about things they dreaded being "when they grew up"... 6 out of 10 of them said "Fat and ugly" or "fat" or "old and fat" etc etc etc...
I'm fat and always have been. I'm not channel 5 documentary standards yet but I'm currently in the process of shifting about 9 stone (1.5 stone down, whoop!). I'm also their line manager although we have a pretty relaxed office environment.
AIBU to think there are far worse things to be than fat?? I have a lovely life and haven't been held back by the fact I'm overweight one little bit. I also have no health issues but completely recognize this might change in the future, hence the weight loss efforts.
Anyway, the discussion continued onto how awful it must be for all those fat people and I casually asked what they considered "fat"... SIZE 16! I'd bloody love to be a 16 (I'm in 20's at the moment). I could understand their point if they were on about the morbidly, life limitingly obese and yes, that must be awful but a size 16??
Some of the most awful things they said (they knew I was in ear shot)
"How do they have sex?"
"I can't imagine hauling that much weight around"
"Why don't they just stop eating, it's killing them!"
"They can't do anything other than sit at home eating"
"I saw a fat girl at the gym and she was panting after 3 mins walking on the treadmill"
I think it's the "THEY" I object to, I'm not part of a different species!
As a team we get on pretty well, they are all under 30 (as am I) and from their feedback are pretty happy with me as a manager, so I'm loathed to pull them up on it should I?
Now I can't help thinking they all think those things about me and that I'm a big fat lazy lump they all feel sorry for
“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.” J.K Rowling.
I would rather be fat (I am!!) than a horrible, shallow person that your colleagues sound like! Well done you on your weight loss OP!
shumway I should have that tatooed somewhere!
Seems like 'did you mean to be so rude?' might be apt.
Op of course there are worse things!
For a start, you are extremely self aware and you are doing something about it. Congratulations on your weight loss, you are doing incredibly well. Do not let this hinder you.
in a professional capacity they probably should have kept this conversation to a minimum- not the most professional thing having this sort of conversation in a working environment.
Don't give it a second thought- just let their ignorance spur you on to continue to prove somebody's weight has no impact on their ability to contribute to society and be a successful and competent human being.
As you are the line manager maybe if it starts to get to you, lay down the law- 'your conversation is inappropriate, save it for after work'
Of course there are worse things you could be! It's all relative anyway. I'm size 12, my friend is a 6. We saw a top we both liked and my friend sneered 'eugh, they've only got the big sizes' when I looked they had a 10, 12 and 14. Not big to me!! We had a bit of a laugh about it but it did make me think what she must think of me!
And yes I am also overweight and hearing things like this make my blood boil
They were out of order for being so insensitive and rude! I think you need to weigh up the situation and how you need to deal with it.
They were out of line.
Regarding being happy and size 16. I think ultimately it's all in the mind. I'm a size 14, I hate it but will I be happier when I lose the weight? Probably not. I have said several times this month how I have a new found respect for obese people trying to lose weight. But previously I did think that it was easy to control ones self.
I'm really sorry they hurt you this way.
Perhaps they're not counting you as a 'they' but as an 'us'.
Sorry, it sucks.
(I had some colleagues wax lyrical about why far people always wear long cardis. I was wearing long cardi to hide my fatness at the time.)
I wouldn't pull them up on it no. Just let it go over your head and rise above it.
If they are saying these things in your earshot it does make me wonder if they don't class you as 'fat' IYSWIM. Assuming you have a good relationship with the team and they are not purposefully trying to hurt your feelings it might be that they see you as 'one of them' and are being cruel about perceived 'others'.
Don't take it personally (I know, easier said than done), they weren't talking about you but about themselves.
I am small, but if someone was saying they would hate to be small, I wouldn't care, and I would even understand, if given a choice I would choose to be taller!
I am not sure a lot of people would honestly say they wouldn't care if they end up fat and ugly...
To use the examples from a PP, I can't really imagine someone saying they would like to be less cruel or less vindictive - as I imagine you never consider yourself cruel/vindictive, whereas you can see yourself as fat/ugly
I probably won't pull them up on it, I decided to have a mumsnet ragefest instead for the sake of keeping the peace
The counting me as an "us" rather than a "them" is interesting, we are quite close knit so maybe? Hard for them to not notice my weight though, I'm hard to miss
It's not the first time they've made comments like this though about "fat people", it irks every time and seems to be becoming a bit of a "thing" to talk about how fat they are when they have pizza for lunch etc.
I just feel a bit rubbish!
Well that was pretty nasty of them. There absolutely are very many worst things far worse that being fat. What a bizarre set of values your colleagues have.
Yes, you could be cruel, vindictive, narrow minded, bitchy and judgemental. I'd far rather be fat (I am!) than a poisonous bitch.
Their behaviour is highly inappropriate for work. And yes they are conflating being overweight at a size 16 with being morbidly obese. And of course there are vastly worse things you could be and do than overeat. But at 9st overweight OP, chances are that you are in fact on the lower end of being morbidly obese yourself. That's 120+ pounds compared to a definition of morbid obesity being a bmi of 40+ and 100lbs excess weight. I wonder if this is hitting that nerve more than you realise yet?
I've been at nearly that position myself btw.
Yes of course there are far, far worse things than being fat. As others have said.
The amount of importance given to a persons weight in our society is mind boggling, and I will never understand why people would rather smoke, or follow ridiculously restrictive diets, or exercise to the point of doing nothing else, than be a little plump and enjoy their lives. I don't know how it's become such a "sin." But it really shouldn't be. There are far worse things, and far worse failings, than being fat.
DamsonInDistress oh don't worry I'm very, very aware I'm morbidly obese according to BMI, I'm 9st overweight at 5ft 5, so about double the woman I should be
However, I work full time (11 hour days with travel), walk 4 miles a day (dog walking), go to the gym 3 times a week to do resistance and some cardio (I run, believe it or not!), have no health issues at all and my blood pressure etc is spot on. I'm very very aware I'm lucky in that respect and the GP says that I'm in good health, just over weight and I'll have issues if it goes on much longer, hence the weight loss efforts
I'm not in denial in any way about my weight, but I'm also not crippled by it.
Unprofessional behaviour all around. Stop listening to people and get on with your work!
I think you ought to copy SHUMWAYS excellent JK Rowling quote and pin it on to the staffroom wall.
My office is similar - conversations about 'leaving' the EU conveniently ignoring two colleagues who are EU nationals.
Some people are just dim..
Sounds like a stupid, gossipy conversation. I wouldn't take it seriously.
That said, being overweight isn't nice. I say that as someone who is currently overweight. I feel disgusting and heavy and I find it depressing trying to find clothes I like that will fit. And I know they won't look very good anyway. I just want to run and move about freely but there's all this extra weight to move. I can't wait to get rid of it (when I eventually find the time to exercise and eat something other than cheese sandwiches).
I think they were insensitive and yes there are far worse things, but I can see why a lot of people dread being fat.
LOL you are doing well so don't let others negative views get you down. Don't forget that confidence is silent whilst insecurities are loud. Not one drop of your self worth depends on others so don't let them get you down.
Try not to let it get to you, everyone is different and everyone has insecurities. At the end of the day as long as we try to be the best person we can be then we are doing ok. You sound like a lovely person so don't let them get you down. Xx
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