To insist dh declines his work jolly starts this weekend and he can fly out on Monday instead

[rantingmother]

Omg I think I’m just having a rant but anyway I need to vent before I implode or something.

Dh travels a lot. It’s pretty annoying and I’m always saying can he try get a job that doesn’t require travelling but he half pretends to job search and then tells me there’s no jobs out there.
His travelling has annoyed me endlessly. When he took this job on, there was no travelling. Now he is abroad at least once a month and normally more than that.

The toll it’s taken on our family has been massive. Even though we had a nanny when I worked, once dc started school the pressure on me and my job got so great as I was the only parent available most of the month I ended up stopping work because I found it so stressful managing the home and dc and my job. He’s always saying he’s tired and just wants to rest.

It’s only when I stopped work I realised what a fool I was. Now I realise that it’s actually allowed dh to travel whenever he wants without even having to check because there’s no paid childcare only me. I now work one half day a week on Sunday (wfh), he normally looks after dc for the 5 hours I work, he said dc can just watch tv instead this Sunday and obviously I’ll be there Saturday. My dc still wakes in the night is very full on and I don’t enjoy being a sahm!

Anyway he just phoned me from work to say all his colleagues are going to USA on a Saturday he’ll probably fly out on Saturday as well. I said that’s nice for his colleagues but there’s really no need for you to go away Saturday is there. He said all the rest of them are going and I said oh well perhaps they don’t have families. He then said they do so I carried on with that’s nicceee...

Aibu to insist he flies out on the Monday knowing full well it won’t affect his job at all. I’m so pissed off. I am here 7 days a week and he’s jollying about whenever he feels like it.

I want to go back to work but feel utterly trapped. The nanny is long gone and i don’t think after a gap (wfh is not related to career) I’m going to get a job that affords the nanny now and even if it did dc is at school so don’t need full time care. I phoned all the Childminder’s in our area to see if anyone can collect dc from school and none do. I have no family or friends to help me. After school care is dire and finishes at 4:30. I’ve applied for any part time work career related but had no luck.

Im on the verge of sending his CV off myself to prove he can get work without travelling. We work in same industry. No way does he have to be in a company that travels this frequently.

Misty It isn't joint money it's HIS money, that's the problem. He has control of his money. There seems to be some idea on mumsnet that when sahm have no income of their own, the spouse's money suddenly becomes their money. Nope. It's still his money. The same way there is no 50/50 split in a divorce. It all depends on the circumstances. Please get real.

Jack, It is NOT "his" money. They are a family unit; one of them has to earn money to support the family, and the other cares for the children. Each facilitates the other. In this case (as in many families) it has fallen to the OP to be a SAHM, thus enabling him to go out to work. Why should that mean she has no money? Who would ever be a SAHP if it meant they forever had to go cap-in-hand to their partner asking for a few quid to get their hair cut?

Seriously. Go back to work. You’ll figure how if you want to do it. Get a nanny, get a cleaner, stop organising your life around your husband. He wouldn’t do the opposite.

Please keep posting OP. I think your tiredness is the reality of it all suddenly hitting you.

The heel-dragging about his finances ... how hard can it be for him to say ‘here is my online banking PIN’. If he can’t find the time to tell you six digits, he’s playing for time. Have you any savings, joint or otherwise? Pension? I know you do enough of the wifework as it is, but I do think you need to tell him he is not managing the family finances and he needs to hand them over to you.

Hadenoughofallthis

Who would ever be a SAHP if it meant they forever had to go cap-in-hand to their partner asking for a few quid to get their hair cut?

But that is exactly why you should not be reliant on someone elses income. Just read some of the threads on here. Get your own. Keep your career. Rely on yourself, not your husband who in ten or fifteen years time decides he's bored and walks off with another woman, so you are left trying to pick up your career, which is dead in the water after ten years out of it. Look after yourself.