To ask about the weird things you only learned from MN?

[Blanchedupetitpois]

It seems like in MN world there are all kinds of rules that I swear I’ve never seen expressed or followed in real life. What have you been most surprised by? I’ll start:

1. Adults don’t celebrate birthdays, and if you expect any recognition of yours, you’re being childish.

1. Halloween is exclusively an American import with no history in this country, and celebrating it is therefore tacky and meaningless.

1. Trick or treating is glorified begging.

1. Absolutely nobody other than you or your DP is remotely interested in your pregnancy, and even telling another person that you’re pregnant is akin to riding a donkey down the high street while calling for palm fronds to be laid at your feet in recognition of the impending miracle of your unborn child.

That everyone is entitled to an inheritance. Utter bollocks

If it exists, there's a fetish for it.

That you must never ever call for an ambulance or go to A&E.... not even if you’ve a limb hanging off.

Just log it with 101 instead.

Twoxx that one might actually be true

So many things. Although I'd say I've found the opposite, that it's only on mumsnet that I've seen adults expect a huge fuss to be made of their birthday. I've never known anyone in real life to expect anything other than a card and a small token gift.

ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 god, yes. If you didn’t actually die on your way to hospital you clearly didn’t need an ambulance and are wasting NHS resources.

There is no such thing as someone doing something shitty just because they are an arsehole - the person in question obviously has a hidden disorder of some sort...

That no matter what's happening in your relationship you must LTB. Immediately.

As soon as your child is 18 you should never do anything to help them ever again. They should have moved out and be working down the pits as soon as it strikes midnight on their birthday. Anything else and you're enabling them.

the person in question obviously has a hidden disorder of some sort...

This drives me mad. It’s like the world is divided into nice people and people with mental disorders. It’s so inaccurate and prejudiced!

Actually, I have a serious one. I had no idea that when people say that they pronounce eg pasta as 'parsta' they weren't actually making an 'r' sound, just a long sound.

Once someone explained it, suddenly a thousand mumsnet pronunciation threads made perfect sense.

Every relationship is firty/fifty, if even for one day it's is fifty one/forty nine... LTB

Penisbeakers.

Your husbands adult children can exclude and ignore your childrens and your existence, because you are not family and you are being ridiculous if you insist on being treated atleast decent.

People don't have bins in their bathrooms and can't see the need for them.

People still flush tampons.

TVs in bedrooms are a massive no no even though lying in bed on a Sunday morning with tea and toast, the papers and Sunday Brunch on TV is the best thing ever.

That's it's as simple as the day is long to just LTB. Doesn't matter if you don't have a brass farthing to your name, everyone has a fairytale family who will 'rally round'

Nobody is ever just an awkward git, they’re always narcissists and can be diagnosed via MN.

P and c spaces are the work of the devil and you must never use them.

Oh and that ALL money is 'family money' and people who don't put every last penny into a joint account are somehow seen as not having a 'normal' relationship

That washing gets darked on.

1. That no one irons their clothes. Ever.

1. Benefit fraud is okay and is no ones business

You must never, ever smile or chat to anyone elses dc unless you have known the parents for 100 years and have a permission slip signed in blood.

You must constantly clean your house or flat so that it is about as sterile as an operating theatre, by using liberal amounts of Zoflora, but NEVER a loo brush.
Nobody may wear ordinary shoes in your house.
Stodge, stodge and more stodge constitues a balanced diet.
Never iron anything (or clean shoes), but always ask how you can look more "polished" - a quick squirt with Mr. Sheen and a rub down with a cloth that will immediately be washed.

The first 2 points make me laugh and the third one either indicates a degree of poverty or ignorance.

Everyone has family and friends on hand who can help out in an emergency.

That if you don't have a good relationship with a step child, it's always because you are a shit human being. It's never ever anything to do with the child.

That no one is an arsehole, everyone has a mental illness.

You aren't allowed to be pissed off, it's because it's always your fault and that you have a huge flaw in your personality.