To ask about the weird things you only learned from MN?

[Blanchedupetitpois]

It seems like in MN world there are all kinds of rules that I swear I’ve never seen expressed or followed in real life. What have you been most surprised by? I’ll start:

1. Adults don’t celebrate birthdays, and if you expect any recognition of yours, you’re being childish.

1. Halloween is exclusively an American import with no history in this country, and celebrating it is therefore tacky and meaningless.

1. Trick or treating is glorified begging.

1. Absolutely nobody other than you or your DP is remotely interested in your pregnancy, and even telling another person that you’re pregnant is akin to riding a donkey down the high street while calling for palm fronds to be laid at your feet in recognition of the impending miracle of your unborn child.

If you admit to having more than £5 in the bank you are lying

You must never split a bill when out with friends

You can go “NC” with anyone if they look at you the wrong way

You either buy you DC one Christmas present or 1000 - there is no

All badly behaved children are on the spectrum, none of them are little shits with lazy parents.

People still flush tampons.

And if I were still using them and hadn't come across MN, I too would still be be flushing them. I had no idea...

That sootikins is not a kitten. I'm half tempted to try and cultivate one just for the lolz.

There is no such thing as someone doing something shitty just because they are an arsehole - the person in question obviously has a hidden disorder of some sort

Oh, definitely this.

It's like the Twilight Zone on here sometimes:

If the doorbell rings, don't open the door unless you are expecting someone, especially after 8pm.

Don''t answer the phone unless expecting a call.

Communicate only by text or e-mail. (I fear some are going to lose the power of speech).

Carry no cash when going out, the DD or CC is used for everything, no matter how little the amount.

MiLs should be expected to give up their own lives to care for their GC thus avoiding childcare fees and enabling the parents to work .

No visitors to be allowed after the birth of a baby for at least six months to allow parents and child to bond

Drinking a glass of wine with dinner means you're an alcoholic.

No matter how badly behaved someone might be, it's mandatory for at least one person to suggest they may have MH issues, anxiety, depression, etc.

Talking of anxiety, where do all these anxious people live? I have never met one. Same goes with SN children - every other child on here has it, while I have never even heard or know of anyone in real life who has it.

If your eyeball is hanging out of its socket, ask MNers for opinions on whether you should wait for a doctor's appointment next Tuesday, ring 101 for advice, drive one eyed to the hospital or call 999 for an ambulance.

All Tories are vile, evil baby eaters. (I'm a Tory and prefer mine BBQ'd)

Loo brushes are forbidden (I prefer mine sticking my hand down the loo)

When showing a relative around your new house, it's perfectly normal to bar them from even taking a glimpse of your bedroom.

And many many more

That if you so much as talk to your kids whilst out in public, you are Performance Parenting.

If you don’t clean obsessively you’re disgusting and that it’s normal to do daily laundry, wipe doors and skirting boards, wash towels and clothes after a single use and go through huge amounts of bleach.

Women can treat there partners appallingly but if it’s the other way round it’s abuse and LTB.

Everyone works 70 hour weeks in high stress jobs for extremely low pay.

*their

80k a year is a lowish salary and no-one can survive in London on under 100k a year. I don't know anyone who earns anywhere near these amounts IRL.

Most MNers have children who are extremely skinny, can't put weight on and play sports all week long. Just a casual glance at the children I see going to school on a morning suggests there are no MN parents where I live...

the hen parties i see detailed on here seem pretty nuts also. i've enjoyed all the hens i've been to IRL and they were much cheaper than most listed on MN.

If you don’t clean obsessively you’re disgusting
But if you do clean obsessively, you're depriving your children of a proper childhood

Everyone has anxiety or a disability
No one can drive
You can kick your husband out and change the locks
People are either rolling in it or totally skint
Everyone gets up in the morning and cooks their children a protein rich breakfast, generally scrambled eggs
Christmas shopping starts in May

If you don’t have any friends then your partner is abusive and you should ltb.

If your partner has friends he is abusive, probably having an affair and you should ltb.
If your partner calls you more than once a day in the early stages of a relationship he is controlling, it’s a red flag and you should ltb.

Hating your MIL is a totally normal thing to do. Never mind that she is just as much the children’s grandparent as your own mother.

People not being happy about your pregnancy/arrival of your baby makes them arseholes and you should go NC.

People wanting to visit your baby after it’s born makes them arseholes and you should go NC.

In fact if people look at you a bit differently you should go NC.

And friends having friends and a social life of any kind which doesn’t include you means that they’re not a friend and thus you should end the friendship and ... go nc.

If you can’t have children naturally you should adopt.

That you are almost always being unreasonable.

That if you see a relative or neighbour struggling, anonymously reporting them to SS will get them a tailored care package of support put in place.

That fruit shoots are a form of child abuse

If you have a cleaner, you are duty-bound to ensure they are filing full tax returns and declaring all their income to the relevant authorities, or else you are complicit in tax avoidance and stealing from the public purse

But if you know for certain someone is fraudulently claiming benefits, you must mind your own business, because everyone is just trying to get by and it's not hurting anyone

Half an organic rice cake and a cherry tomato per day is a perfectly sufficient diet for a growing child. Any child that eats more than this must be grotesquely obese.

You must drive up to the speed limit at all times.
Everyone over 60 has dementia.
Wheelie bins and marked parking spaces should be defended to the death.
People without disabilities should never use a vacant accessible loo even if they're about to shit themselves.
MiLs are the devil incarnate.
Your spouse should always back you up, no matter how insanely you're behaving and regardless of whether they agree with you.

If having sausages for dinner. everyone eats just two.. Any more and you are just plain greedy

Also having more than one glass of wine means that you have a serious drink problem . Most people who will admit to drinking alcohol only have about 2 glasses in a whole year