To ask about the weird things you only learned from MN?

[Blanchedupetitpois]

It seems like in MN world there are all kinds of rules that I swear I’ve never seen expressed or followed in real life. What have you been most surprised by? I’ll start:

1. Adults don’t celebrate birthdays, and if you expect any recognition of yours, you’re being childish.

1. Halloween is exclusively an American import with no history in this country, and celebrating it is therefore tacky and meaningless.

1. Trick or treating is glorified begging.

1. Absolutely nobody other than you or your DP is remotely interested in your pregnancy, and even telling another person that you’re pregnant is akin to riding a donkey down the high street while calling for palm fronds to be laid at your feet in recognition of the impending miracle of your unborn child.

zero
everything invalidates your insurance or mortgage
Having a friend to stay and giving them your keys? Invalidates your insurance AND you'll have you declare it to your mortgage company
Giving your mate a lift home from work? Invalidates your insurance
Letting your children have a playdate? Invalidates your insurance
Experimenting with a new recipe tonight? Invalidates your insurance
Moving to a new role at work? Probably get your mortgage revoked if you don't ask the bank permission first

You can 'just get a credit card' to pay an immediate debt even if you've only got 5p to your name.

You can retrain for a completely new career at the drop of a hat.

Anyone providing childcare without being paid for it is entitled to treat your child exactly as they see fit and you've got no comebacks.

or leaning I am a cis female (after spending all my (long) life thinking I was just female)
still being confused about lots of anagrams
some people have never tasted tea
how many problems people can have with parking
having great laughs at some threads & mm sense of humour (often with above :)

That apparently about 99%of the populating suffer from anxiety

If you password your phone, you are obviously hiding something and most probably having an affair.

Nothing to do with security then?

Almost everyone has anxiety or sensory issues.
Fireworks are the work of the devil, although MILs can be worse.
Christmas has to only be about children being happy.

Never google "sootikins"

Farting is absolutely heinous/ hilarious.

@JellieEllie , Thank you.

PS. I just Googled 'sootikin'. I cannot unsee that.

plainvanilla "Stodge, stodge and more stodge constitues a balanced diet."

You're reading a different MN to me.

If you post up that "i'm having lasagne, chips and garlic bread for tea, because of reasons of deliciousness"

you'll get lots of

"TRIPLE CARBS? Are you insane? Replace the chips with lettuce. The garlic bread with lettuce, and swap out the pasta sheets for more lettuce - then you'll have something a little more reasonable"

or "My Offspring has a cucumber sandwich, 6 grapes and a bottle of squash for lunch"

there is much hand wringing consisting of ..."but where's the protein??" "Why the need for squash? Just plain water is suffucient!" " Do you EVE N love your child?"

Oh, and no one can decide what the etiquette is if you take a parcel in for a neighbour.
Lug it to theirs? Wait for them to collect?
I say lug it, cos it a heavy burden. If genuinely heavy, they should collect!

Nobody just doesn't want to do something, they all have anxiety so can in no way be expected to help themselves, ever.

Almost the entire population of everywhere has undiagnosed autism. Nobody is an arse, they are all on the spectrum.

It's fine to be spiteful so long as the object of your spite is fat.

All carbs ever are the absolute work of the Devil.

Everything you ever cook for your family will be WRONG. The kind of wrong will vary between posters, but the degree of error is always the same- it will be completely, utterly WRONG.

Everyone can just move house and it's actually a much more reasonable thing to do than solving a problem with a neighbour.

You can retrain for a completely new career at the drop of a hat.

Oh yes, I love this one. Or relocate. The fact that it might cost thousands of pounds upfront to relocate is never addressed. Posters are just told that they don't want to help themselves and are ignoring good advice.

That apparently about 99%of the populating suffer from anxiety

I think that people are more likely to post online about it if they have anxiety. You aren't going to get people that don't suffer from it starting a thread about not having anxiety IYSWIM.

Women should give a shit about being unreasonable.

Oh dear God - Googled 'sootikins'... mind bleach, mind bleach.....

the laundry threads get me; such complex systems! and everyone seems to wear every item of clothing once only. also, not having loo brushes or bathroom bins.

1. Despite living in Australia an English-speaking country, the language in my country and UK is POLES apart. It is like having to learn a new language on here. At one point I was googling words and terms every third post I read. There are still some words that I have no idea what they mean.

1. If you don't think children should sneak their boyfriend into the house behind parents backs and have sex, then there is something wrong with you. Same if you don't agree with parents supplying 16 year olds with alcohol at their house party. Having standards and morals is wrong on here, and it makes you an outcast.

1. Buffets in the UK often exist solely of pizza, hot dogs, chips and party pies. This one was a real shock to me.

1. Don't get too invested in threads on here because a large percentage of threads are deleted on the flimsiest of reasons. I lost count of how many times I refreshed a page to see if there were any more posts, to read a red deleted thread mod message. I mean, why do we even bother then? So frustrating.

That you should never ever leave your kids with anyone ever at any age. Ever.

But you should book a solo spa day or take yourself away for a weekend, or book yourself a holiday.

But never book one without the kids because you are a SHIT parent...

That no matter how much you may be struggling, no matter how full your hands may be, no matter how difficult your toddler may be, no matter how dreadful a day you are having, if you delay another person going about their business for even a millisecond, you are a terrible, terrible human being and you deserve to be assaulted.

That speaking to your child in anything above the merest whisper while in public is performance parenting.

That your child's speech delay is your fault, because you clearly don't speak to them enough and probably also had a forward-facing pushchair, you heartless wench.

Everyone can afford spa days, cleaners or to just move to a different area

No one needs a bathroom bin. If you have friends, family or dds friends in your home on their period they should not feel embarrassed about using the kitchen bin/outside bin to dispose of their sanitry wear.