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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poolside etiquette

176 replies

PollyProsecco · 29/10/2018 07:31

On holiday, family near us being overly possessive with their inflatables. Our children have been told not to touch them by us, but being kids, they are obviously tempted to play with them. Especially when they are floating on the pool with no one else playing with them. Adults of family keep giving each other cross looks and now the inflatables have been placed far away from anyone’s reach. I just think this behaviour is odd - if it were the other way round, I’d happily let other children play with our stuff.
Interestingly, their children are quite happy to share their things and play with our children.
The situation now just creates an awkward atmosphere poolside. Who is being U?

OP posts:
RangeRider · 30/10/2018 18:57

But it’s only sharing if the other family are happy for you to share. Otherwise it’s taking
This ^^

TedAndLola · 30/10/2018 18:59

I can't believe this thread. The OP's kids don't listen to her, show rude behaviour, and she's too cheap to buy them toys, and some random family by the pool are at fault!

Unbelievable Grin

QueenUnicorn · 30/10/2018 19:06

Is that it? One experience.
I've had 3 things broken and 4 lost by random peoples children. I gave one example where a mother was blatantly watching her child mistreat it. I didn't feel the need to describe every other situation....Halloween Hmm

onegiftedgal · 30/10/2018 19:07

You are being unreasonable. The inflatables belong to them and they probably think you are a bunch of free loaders. You knew you were going on this holiday, so why didn't you buy your own equipment. It's a bit odd of you to think otherwise.

HowsAnnie25 · 30/10/2018 19:08

We used inflatables in the pool on our holiday last week, there was rarely more than 2 other people in the pool so my children never got in anyone's way. I think YABU but that's based on the fact that there were hotel owned inflatables to use at our hotel so I would have worried other children would think our inflatables were a free for all and then it would have been a bit awkward grabbing them off them when we wanted to leave. That was a badly worded sentence, sorry!!

QueenUnicorn · 30/10/2018 19:10

It doesn't matter how cheap inflatables are, they still belong to someone else. Why is that so hard to understand?!
This ^

WeeMadArthur · 30/10/2018 19:12

I’m all for kids sharing their stuff by the pool, it helps them to make friends, but this summer the kids by the pool were so cheeky I ended up being really pissed off. It wasn’t that they were just borrowing a lilo lying unused by the pool, I was throwing in sinkers for DS to dive for and someone we had never seen before dived in and collected them as soon as they hit the bottom! Then DS dropped one of his fins and another boy put it on and swam off with it, the same boy picked up one of DSs sinkers and took it away, it was missing for a week and we only spotted him playing with it on the last day ( after days of telling DS that the boy couldn’t have taken it, as no one would be so rude surely). And adults were at it as well, I had to ask for DSs inflatable pool noodle back twice, one of the grown men was hitting his friend with it!

It was like that for the whole holiday, it’s really put me off being relaxed about leaving toys round the pool, now DS has to bring

HolyMountain · 30/10/2018 19:17

I love a private villa holiday with pool, makes these issues irrelevant.

Just saying Wink.

Frouby · 30/10/2018 19:18

OP I dont think yabu.

When we go away we allow the dcs to chose an inflatable and 1 other pool toy. If they are playing with other dcs, they usually have something my dcs would like and vice versa. My dcs manage to play happily and share.

On our last holiday there were about 8 dcs all using the little pool at the same time. By day 2 everyone had used everyone elses toys. Everyone had sort of chucked into a group set of toys. No one took anyone elses toy, but everyone got to play together with the various inflatables, fin floats, water squirters, diving toys and balls.

When anyone left for the day the told whichever child was using it 'we are leaving now so need our shark back but we will be back tomorrow if you are around'. No drama, the dcs had fun, we chatted to other parents, shared tips on where to go.

Dadagain4 · 30/10/2018 19:19

This is a tough one. Agree you should tell your kids not to touch things that aren't theirs. But that can make them resistant to sharing their own things - which isn't a great trait. We just had a brilliant holiday where all the kids just played with each others inflatables and toys, and no parent objected. I guess there's no set etiquette other than to observe and respect other people's boundaries. Always a good strategy!

JheronimusBosch · 30/10/2018 19:24

I love a private villa holiday with pool, makes these issues irrelevant

Same! Last thing I want on holiday is to be surrounded by strangers and their kids!

In response to PPs saying that maybe they have had lots of stuff getting broken or going missing, etc., if that were the case for me, I'd tell my kids to bring the toys with them when they get out of the pool. I mean, if you choose to go to a resort where you share space with other families, you should probably just accept that if you leave an inflatable floating unattended in the pool, it's gonna get used by other people.

Boulty · 30/10/2018 19:46

Ah you are one of those parents, never buy inflatables but expect your children to play with other children's.....

Why don't you just buy your own children some inflatables rather than post on here?

Catsinthecupboard · 30/10/2018 19:47

Go to lost and found and borrow a toy if you must or cant afford your own. Leave the other toys alone please.

HeronLanyon · 30/10/2018 19:59

This all got very heated ! I think the answer is in this thread. People are really different about this issue. Has been a touch-paper.

grwm1 · 30/10/2018 21:10

If people just leave inflatables in a pool (while they themselves are not in the pool) then i think it's reasonable to assume they don't mind other people using them. Can become awkward if they return and then have to effectively say "can we have our inflatables back please" - alternatively, if they are a bit more sociable and generous, they might want their kids to share and play with another family's kids!

HeronLanyon · 30/10/2018 21:32

Careful grwm1 don’t leave your views laying around so carelessly. Not everyone wants to share them ! (Wedging mine behind my lounger here - seems to be safest).Confused

Snitzelvoncrumb · 30/10/2018 23:58

It's a tricky one if the kids are happy to share and the parents aren't, the ops kids probably think it's ok because the kids are happy to share.
It's a bit like when a child brings toys to the playground and doesn't want to share, the kids get upset because they are often told they have to share at school etc, and get confused in public places, where the rules are different. It's fine to not want to share toys when out, it's just annoying for all the other parents dealing with the winging, and can be a bit isolating for the child who brought the toys, as the easiest solution to the problem, is to tell your kids to play with someone else. Which is what I would do in this situation. I try (and usually fail) to limit plastic toys designed to last five minutes then get broken. So we don't usually have toys with us when out. My kids are like moths to a flame with plastic crap as I call it, and after many bouts of tears now understand it's ok if another child doesn't want to share. They just find someone else to play with.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 31/10/2018 00:03

Since the op had been telling her kids all morning to leave the stuff alone I doubt the kids thought it was ok. They just thought they could get away with ignoring their mother. And, in fairness to them, they were right.

MadMadaMim · 31/10/2018 02:28

Playing together and sharing is one thing. Helping yourself to other people's stuff without permission is very different regardless of whar they were song previously together.

And someone is at fault - you are. You've told your children about often and jeep telling them not to I'd something and they just carry on.

Teach your children simple rules. Teach them respect. Get you town toys. Stop denying fault.

I'd be fuming and would have asked your children ti listen to their parents by now!

MadMadaMim · 31/10/2018 02:29

*regardless of what they were doing previously together.

Dotty1970 · 31/10/2018 02:45

You're being really silly!
For a start I know for a fact mine wouldn't touch them if i told them not too and even if they did I would certainly be 'having words' with them.
The people had every right to share 'glances' and move them.
And what has their children sharing and good behaviour got to do with their parents moving THEIR paid for inflatables out of the pool ... It's actually showing them manners work both ways.
Your children should learn to ask if they really wanted them.

Dotty1970 · 31/10/2018 02:54

PollyProsecco

Thanks for your replies. Just to clarify - we have told and repeatedly tell our children not to touch other people’s belongings. I have been policing the situ all morning - not just sitting on my sunlounger ignoring the situation. I am also not averse to buying our own but we leave soon so seems a bit pointless. But if their children want to play with our children and willingly share things like snorkels, do I step in and tell their child not to share? Or risk the wrath of the parents? It just all seems a bit awkward even though no one is actually at fault...

You don't get it.... The children playing together and sharing is totally different!
You also need to think of different tactics as 'policing' it and constantly having to tell your children isn't good

Dotty1970 · 31/10/2018 03:02

PollyProsecco

Thanks all! Didn’t realise people felt so strongly. I would NEVER ask someone to share their pool inflatables with my children. Not sure why some people are insinuating this! The situation is solved now - we have bought our own but if a new child arrives without any stuff, I will happily let them have a turn. No need to exchange nasty glances with my husband!

*you say they are giving your husband nasty glances then in your original post you said.... Adults of family keep giving each other cross looks.. Confused

Guavaf1sh · 31/10/2018 03:44

YABU

Leapfrog44 · 31/10/2018 11:31

I'd totally expect to share pool toys with other kids and I'd encourage mine to share. Why on earth would anyone be possessive about toys? Perhaps these adults have never properly grown up or been taught to share as children