Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poolside etiquette

176 replies

PollyProsecco · 29/10/2018 07:31

On holiday, family near us being overly possessive with their inflatables. Our children have been told not to touch them by us, but being kids, they are obviously tempted to play with them. Especially when they are floating on the pool with no one else playing with them. Adults of family keep giving each other cross looks and now the inflatables have been placed far away from anyone’s reach. I just think this behaviour is odd - if it were the other way round, I’d happily let other children play with our stuff.
Interestingly, their children are quite happy to share their things and play with our children.
The situation now just creates an awkward atmosphere poolside. Who is being U?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 29/10/2018 14:51

I always consider other people's stuff to be entirely out of bounds. Really, they should remove it from the pool and keep it near to them when it isn't being used.

I never allowed my children to play with other children's stuff in a public place like a pool. Not unless they were actually joining in a game the other children were playing, and at their invitation.

I certainly wouldn't lend my own or my children's stuff to other random people around the pool or beach who just fancied playing with it when mine were not. Way to lose stuff, or have another family's child (or your own) kicking up a fuss when they want it returned.

I don't know where you are, OP. In many pools in Spain that I have been to inflatables are banned because in some cases people have become trapped underneath them and there has been the occasional drowning as a result. This happened some years ago in an apartment complex where my MIL used to own apartment. A seven year old boy died after becoming trapped underneath some air beds on which several people were sunbathing. Nobody apparently noticed him until it was way too late.

So, if inflatables are allowed, be cautious of them whether in the pool or the sea.

littlemisscomper · 29/10/2018 16:58

I wonder if you'd be 'overly possessive' of your laptop OP, if one of the parents decided they'd like to play games or have a good Mumsnet browse on it, if you didn't happen to be using it at the time?

It makes me want to growl when people just help themselves to our stuff at the pool. If we've struck up a friendly conversation and the children are playing together/alongside each other then I'd be fine to progress to sharing our toys too, but when randomers just help themselves that's really rude! I've known people be quite snotty when you take your stuff back when you leave!

InertPotato · 29/10/2018 16:59

Well, strictly speaking your children shouldn't play with other people's inflatables... but they are being terribly petty and joyless.

BlueLegume · 29/10/2018 19:43

Why not supply your children with their own inflatables. Used to be a bug bear when mine were young. We’d buy or bring inflatable toys and then other kids would mosie over - egged on by parents and try to befriend them so they could use the toys. Stopped going to resorts and only holidayed in villas after a while.

Buy your own stuff it’s really simple.

BlueLegume · 29/10/2018 19:45

I would add no issue if the kids are friends then sharing more than acceptable. Just those parents who cannot be bothered buying their own children their own toys, why should other kids have to share. Buy some first then happily encourage sharing.

Bebopaloola · 29/10/2018 20:21

Jesus H Christ. I often find mumsnet such an unfriendly place. Yes, of course you can buy your own stuff. But you can also create warmth and friendliness by sharing little things like pool inflatables. And sometimes friendships are created from these acts. I'm not English so I usually put the mumsnet 'buy your own inflatables' vibe down to hard faced English unfriendliness. Thank god the rest of the world are usually nicer than that

PopGoesTheWeaz · 29/10/2018 20:44

If they remove it from the pool when they aren't using it, then fine don't touch it. But if they leave their crap littered all over the resort they can't be precious when it becomes communal goods.

HeronLanyon · 29/10/2018 21:02

Sounds to me they are being precious. Assuming you are all able to afford to buy an inflatable and/or replace one of anything gets damaged why on earth wouldn’t neighbouring kids be better sharing? Being crowded round pools with strangers on ‘holiday’, when stressful, Does bring out the worst in lots of people though.

Getfitmumma · 29/10/2018 21:05

I'd assume that they have had their things taken or broken by others before.

I'm oddly possessive of buckets and spades because in the past they get broken / taken and I get fed up of having to replace them!

QueenUnicorn · 29/10/2018 22:13

They are their toys to do what they want with.
It's annoying to have your things broken and lost by other children. (Both have happened to me). It's also annoying when your child wants to play with their pool toy and needs to locate it and ask for it back...

But hey, I'm not going to be using my phone for the next 10 minutes so why not just help yourself...

ShesABelter · 29/10/2018 22:20

We always share and encourage our children to share their inflatables, snorkles, water squirters etc..it's usually how they end up making friends and having a great holiday with new buddies to play with.

As for the people worried about inflatables bursting. We were all mucking about with an inflatable which owner offered a shot of years ago. My husband burst it and we went and bought a new one straight away, as im sure most would!

I have taught my children to share and also if they want to play with their own thing someones been using to say "excuse me in going to use that now but you can play with it again once I'm finished with it"

HeronLanyon · 29/10/2018 22:20

Agree it’s annoying but hardly worth worrying about ? As for phones how
Odd to equate someone using your phone without asking with a child using a cheap plastic pool toy ! Different strokes and all that I guess.

QueenUnicorn · 29/10/2018 22:22

I often find mumsnet such an unfriendly place. Yes, of course you can buy your own stuff. But you can also create warmth and friendliness by sharing little things like pool inflatables. And sometimes friendships are created from these acts. I'm not English so I usually put the mumsnet 'buy your own inflatables' vibe down to hard faced English unfriendliness. Thank god the rest of the world are usually nicer than that
That's all very well if people are respectful of other peoples things. However I've too often found that parents will allow children to mistreat and lose other peoples things. I had a 10 year old squeeze himself into my 1 year olds hoop while his mother watched on. My child was happy to share, I was not....

QueenUnicorn · 29/10/2018 22:24

Odd to equate someone using your phone without asking with a child using a cheap plastic pool toy
So if a possession is 'cheap' it's a free for all even if the owners aren't happy with others using it.
That's more odd.

HeronLanyon · 29/10/2018 22:25

Didn’t quite say that queenunicorn.

TeddybearBaby · 29/10/2018 22:26

Omg sounds like they’re having a great holiday. Uptight much. Good god, feel sorry for the kids. Hope you’re enjoying your holiday 😘

April2020mom · 29/10/2018 22:45

Bring your own next time. Use this as a valuable lesson for the future too.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/10/2018 07:28

That's all very well if people are respectful of other peoples things. However I've too often found that parents will allow children to mistreat and lose other peoples things. I had a 10 year old squeeze himself into my 1 year olds hoop while his mother watched on. My child was happy to share, I was not....

Is that it? One experience.

Fluffyears · 30/10/2018 08:00

I often find mumsnet such an unfriendly place. Yes, of course you can buy your own stuff. But you can also create warmth and friendliness by sharing little things like pool inflatables. And sometimes friendships are created from these acts. I'm not English so I usually put the mumsnet 'buy your own inflatables' vibe down to hard faced English unfriendliness. Thank god the rest of the world are usually nicer than that

I’m not English and I think they should buy their own. I’m Scottish

Helipad · 30/10/2018 08:11

I’m not English - nor British and I think buy your own pool toys too. Fine if kids are playing in the pool together but if the toys/inflatables have been moved onto a side, then they are out of bounds.

SnuggyBuggy · 30/10/2018 08:12

I think it's grim how people have taken the concept of sharing and twisted it to suit their grabby entitled behaviour.

It's like that story about the fish with the shiny scales and all the other fish were jealous and the shiny fish had to bow to social pressure and effectively flay itself alive to please everyone. Admittedly its been a while since I read that book.

buffyp · 30/10/2018 08:19

Nice blatant xenophobia there bebo. You have no idea whether the posters disagreeing with op are English or not. News flash, people of all nationalities post on here. For what it’s worth I have met some very unfriendly people who were not English but carry on with your bigoted crap regardless. I love how you think you are morally superior. I don’t think judging people on their nationality is a friendly trait either.

BIWI · 30/10/2018 08:37

It doesn't matter how cheap inflatables are, they still belong to someone else. Why is that so hard to understand?!

My new book, lying on my lounger while I go to lunch, will have been only a few quid. Does that give anyone else the right to pick it up and start reading it without asking me? Of course not.

Ilikeknitting · 30/10/2018 08:42

If their children have had previous inflatables destroyed by other people’s kids, and let’s face it, it only takes one tiny hole to ruin an inflatable I don’t blame them for being protective of their children’s toys.

Bebopaloola · 30/10/2018 08:51

Yes you're probably right buffy, sorry about that. I just had one too many experiences of English people being weirdly possessive over their cheap rubbish while on holiday. Most people are happy to share. I shouldn't have swiped at the whole nation though so sorry about that.