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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Poolside etiquette

176 replies

PollyProsecco · 29/10/2018 07:31

On holiday, family near us being overly possessive with their inflatables. Our children have been told not to touch them by us, but being kids, they are obviously tempted to play with them. Especially when they are floating on the pool with no one else playing with them. Adults of family keep giving each other cross looks and now the inflatables have been placed far away from anyone’s reach. I just think this behaviour is odd - if it were the other way round, I’d happily let other children play with our stuff.
Interestingly, their children are quite happy to share their things and play with our children.
The situation now just creates an awkward atmosphere poolside. Who is being U?

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/10/2018 08:51

Why are people talking about books? Phones? They are not the same.

If my inflatables aren't being used and are floating around the pool and I can see that a child hasn't got any and it looks like they'd like to use mine I would and have said go for it, just look after it and bring it back to me. Never had anyone break them or not bring them back. Honestly some of you come across as mean and unpleasant.

HeronLanyon · 30/10/2018 08:55

Not sure why analogies are being drawn with phones and books etc. I would offer to eg pay someone in front of me at a supermarket if they were short by a pound or two but not for eg £50. It’s a matter of scale surely. Obviously if the inflatable is on the side or put away then it’s not to be touched by anyone else. But if it’s in the pool then isn’t the benefit of your kids (both families) maybe having fun playing together worth it when balanced against the cost of a replacement? Obviously if something gets broken it needs to be replaced and I totally get some above who have been pissed off when that hasn’t happened.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/10/2018 09:00

When we used to take the kids on holiday part of the fun of the first day was going out to choose the inflatables. If they wanted to share them with other children that was fine, but it was also ok if they didn't.

DH and I came back from holiday about a month ago. I bought an inflatable armchair thing. When I wasn't using it it was wedged behind the sun lounger. I wouldn't have been pleased if some random kid had just come along and taken it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/10/2018 09:06

Fairy the inflatable in this scenario were floating around the pool on its own not wedged anywhere. I agree it would be different if someone took one that was not in the pool.

Missingstreetlife · 30/10/2018 09:55

Inflatables are dangerous in the sea

SherbrookeFosterer · 30/10/2018 10:28

They may be on an absolutely brutal budget and have even had to itemise "inflatables" into the cost of the holiday.

I can't think of any other reason they would be so possessive.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 30/10/2018 11:09

Buy some different ones, and don't let the kids from that family use them

Bootanicbanshee · 30/10/2018 11:16

Agree with you PP, the parents shouldn't be exchanging looks. Sounds petty, it's only inflatables and they should encourage their children to share, as I'm sure you would too.

Life is too short for this crap. People don't realise how fortunate they are to even have a holiday so YANBU to expect them to be more open to sharing and being friendly rather than creating an unnecessary atmosphere poolside.

Enjoy your cocktail and the rest of your holiday!

Bootanicbanshee · 30/10/2018 11:16

Not PP, I meant OP!

BumsexAtTheBingo · 30/10/2018 12:09

To be fair if I’d have said that someone else’s child couldn’t use something and they repeatedly kept taking it all morning even after their own parent had repeatedly told them not to I would be pretty annoyed.
No-one knows why the other parent didn’t want their children to share. Maybe it was the 3rd one they’d bought because people kept taking them?
The ops kids were being a pain. Just because you think someone should share something it doesn’t mean you can keep helping yourself when you’ve been told no and they clearly weren’t paying a blind bit of attention to the op asking them to stop which she seems entirely unbothered about for some reason???

BIWI · 30/10/2018 12:13

Why on earth is it 'mean and unpleasant' not to want other people to use your things? I don't get that at all.

And the analogy with books, phones, towels is because - regardless of cost - they are things that belong to someone else. Why should other people assume it's OK to use other people's things, just because they want to? Or is it different with children's things?

LightDrizzle · 30/10/2018 12:21

They shouldn’t have left them unused in the pool, it is very hard for small children to understand why they can’t use them in that situation and I’d assume they were left for other children by previous holidaymakers because we did that when dd1 was little, not worth manually deflating, drying and packing an inflatable that would be lucky to see the light of day again in a year.
However that aside, I can understand them not wanting to share, you are probably suffering because a minority of parents are twats. Some inflatables bought in resort are not cheap, a friend sent his kids off to the shop with a 50€ note as he had no change, to buy an inflatable. He still had no change as they bought a 50€ inflatable unicorn!
He got off his arse at that point and returned to the shop with them and got something cheaper.
The problem is, things get broken, most parents might offer to replace, but you’ll get those who say, “What do you expect? They’re only kids! How much?! You must be cracked! I’m not paying £25 for that, if you can’t afford it if it breaks, maybe you shouldn’t buy it mate!”
Also some people will swear blind it’s theirs, some children will pitch a fit if the child who owns it wants it back, and if the owner is 10 and the bawling child is 3, they can feel they should just let her have it, or people will intervene to tell him/her to just let her have it because she’s only little, so poor 10 year old goes without AND feels like a twat.
It’s odd if they won’t let your DC near them if they are playing with their children, surely most parents welcome their children making friends, but that’s different to “Hiya! Can I have a go on your crocodile?” That’s not playing with someone, it’s asking to borrow their stuff.
We all pay the price for the actions of a minority of cf in life. Some people just never learn to play nicely I’m afraid, and people learn to be wary.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 30/10/2018 12:38

Well they aren’t small children if they are swimming alone. Definitely old enough to understand ‘that’s not yours, don’t touch it again’ without having to be told repeatedly for a whole morning!
The op had the huff when they were left in the pool and then had the huff when they were removed. The other family couldn’t win. Maybe they would have been more inclined to share if the children had asked if it was ok. Just helping yourself is rude.
Picture a similar situation in the park. Your child wants to have a go on someone’s scooter. The parent says no and the child just keeps taking it. I’m not surprised the op was getting dirty looks as she was letting her children behave really badly. I know she said she kept asking them not to but that’s no good if they just keep ignoring her!

user1468942365 · 30/10/2018 17:43

I don't like people "borrowing" our inflatables either. Sorry. You'd be really annoying me at this point. Buy your own!

genius1308 · 30/10/2018 17:48

Not your stuff so don't touch it, simple. If other children 'invite' your children to play with it then fine, if not leave it alone. We bought lots of inflatables on holiday. My children shared with other children they were playing with but it's not a free for all. We did leave all the inflatables for others when we left though.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 30/10/2018 17:58

All sorts of wrong here. They shouldn’t be leaving the inflatables in the pool unattended. I’d be heaving them out and putting them by the side of the pool. But being there doesn’t mean they are available for your kids to help themselves. Sharing toys whilst playing together isn’t the same as using someone’s belongings without them.

Even for a couple of days I’d buy an inflatable for your kids to use by themselves. I wouldn’t get too involved in them sharing their own toys, snorkels etc if they want to. The fact that they are doing this shows you have brought them up to share, which is nice.

JheronimusBosch · 30/10/2018 18:21

Just another reason to get a place with a private pool!

caringcarer · 30/10/2018 18:24

Snorkels go in the mouth so should definitely not be shared. It would be similar to sharing a toothbrush with a stranger. Buy your kids their own pool toys and take them home when you leave then next year you won't have this issue.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 30/10/2018 18:27

I was assuming full face snorkels. You don’t want them sharing mouthpieces of course.

svalentine60 · 30/10/2018 18:28

YABU. It doesn't belong to you or your children and to not teach them the rights and wrongs of using other peoples things is wrong. They are well within their rights to not expect other parents to let their children take their belongings regardless if its for 5 minutes and they're not using them. I'd have been much more upfront and confronted you about it, not just moved them out of the way.

worrierandwine · 30/10/2018 18:29

This thread makes me sad. The amount of “buy your own” just screams middle class Scrooge behaviour to me. When we were kids we would all play together, knew what sharing was and had a bloody great time in the pool. Nowadays, it’s the parents being possessive and pathetic.

BumsexAtTheBingo · 30/10/2018 18:34

But it’s only sharing if the other family are happy for you to share. Otherwise it’s taking. It doesn’t matter if you think someone SHOULD share. If you keep taking their stuff you’re a cheeky fucker!

HolyMountain · 30/10/2018 18:35

worrier how about : saved up for a well needed holiday, on a budget and not prepared to buy more inflatables when a random kid in the pool bursts them, rather than middle class Scrooge

Not necessarily middle class , just careful with their own paid for stuff regardless of their background.

MissesBloom · 30/10/2018 18:38

This drives me mad. We go to our local pool on a weekend and both my kids take a toy each.

Every time we go and its busy I have to constantly try and get ds's little diving seals back from other kids. It's not like he leaves them unattended, we throw them (there are 4) they sink to the bottom, and he goes off and reaches under the water to get them. Cant tell you how many times in the space of a minute or two someone else's DC will have gotten hold of them and I have to go and ask for them back. Ds doesnt feel comfortable approaching the parents or kids I'm guessing its because I've had tuts and filthy looks previously when ive asked for our stuff back.

Why on earth should my ds share a toy that he owns, and had brought specially to play with and is currently using? Why should he go without because they've not brought anything. It's a constant stress making sure hes gotten them all because other parents dont get the memo to bring something for their kid to play with.

If I were the op I'd never let my child use someone else's stuff. I'd also not have been so stingy to go to a pool without toys and hope the kids would get on with it. Your kids were old enough to know what's not theirs, if they cant understand to leave alone they get out of the pool.

As for the pp who insulted the English how disgusting to label an entire country hardfaced.

notangelinajolie · 30/10/2018 18:40

Buy your own.

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