Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Period- what your DP do this?

552 replies

Leder · 28/10/2018 22:21

It's the first day of my period and I'm in a fair bit of pain. Feeling a bit sorry for myself and just fancy a sparkling lemon flavoured water from Tesco. Asked DP 10 mins ago if he would go get me one and he categorically said no. I know it's late but aibu to ask. I am on the verge of tears and just would love a "treat"

OP posts:
LifesABeachCoaster · 31/10/2018 17:22

Mine wouldn't.
I am aware this is vile behaviour.

LifesABeachCoaster · 31/10/2018 17:23

LOL my last post is quite funny because I had originally added something that was vile, but deleted. Unfortunately left the last part which now kinda looks funny

Havaina · 31/10/2018 17:34

As if anybody would send their P or H 10 or 20 miles away for a treat, and post on AIBU about it.

It is a treat, cream soda doesn't have any medicinal properties.

MaisyPops · 31/10/2018 17:46

As if asking the person I love and married, to get me something from the corner shop makes me a manipulative schemer.
Nice spin. Nobody is saying nobody should ever go round the shop.

Middle of the day and I'm busy doing something, I fancy sandwiches for lunch but we have no fillings so might ask DH to nip round the shop and get some stuff for lunch - totally reasonable

DH is out and I really fancy a treat to text him asking him to stop in at the shop on his way back - totally reasonable

Wanting the right type of water at 10pm, expecting DH to jump and go and get it for me because I want a treat - unreasonable

Suggesting anyone who thinks it's unreasonable to demand your DP jumps on demand to get treats needs to raise their expectations or have kindness in their relationships - totally ludicrous

Would I rather have a rocky relationship where DH buys me treats on demand to prove how much he loves me or a secure relationship where we don't play silly jump/how high games and treat each other with kindness and respect all the time?

Shriekingbanshee · 31/10/2018 17:53

All those saying, 'its a treat' ...so basically eff off..
So in tears with pain, oh well f you? Really? Not compassionate. When you're I'll is exactly the reason for having a treat. You load of meany moaners, god how mean. Buck up, shut up and crack on, get your own effing treat. nobody heard of power of hugs or treats to cheer up/feel better? So no-one just sends a card for exactly the same reason, do you say f off and grow up, sending me a card cos I'm ill, its not medicine so what's the bloody point?!!!

Shriekingbanshee · 31/10/2018 17:54

Some seem to think you can only have one or the other, which is clearly ludicrous

MaisyPops · 31/10/2018 18:00

Shriekingbanshee
Except many people have talked about kindness and compassion. They just don't agree with being moody if your DP won't go out at 10pm because you want something.

DH and I do all sort os random acts of kindness and unprompted treats or pick me ups if we think the other has had a bad day or is feeling rubbish. At 10pm DH and I are in jammies getting ready for bed and winding down. We'd both give hugs, make cups of tea, go out for painkillers. Neither of us would go out at 10pm because one of us wanted chocolate digestive and the only thing we have are ginger snaps.

Cambalamb · 31/10/2018 18:12

When you're I'll is exactly the reason for having a treat.

Having a period is not being ill!

Gabilan · 31/10/2018 18:25

That's right, so not sending your DH out in the pouring rain is the kindness

This. I live on my own in a rural area. So you plan things. You make sure you have things in stock. And if you don't, and you're too unwell to get it yourself, you don't get said treat. I think it makes you much more aware of what you would or wouldn't expect a partner to do. I wouldn't send a partner out in the rain at 10pm to get me a treat I wasn't organised enough to ensure I already had. I would want a hug and a cup of tea. I wouldn't want someone I cared about to go on a weird errand for lemonade. It's just daft.

Having a period is not being ill!

Oh for crying out loud. For many women it isn't. For some it really is. Please just allow for this. It really isn't that difficult.

Shriekingbanshee · 31/10/2018 18:26

It bloody is Camb how exactly do you feel mighty fine in enough pain to cry, feeling sick and so on?
Anyway, you all argue amonst yourselves, as clearly you must stfu if it's a period. I am glad I am not that type of DM to my DC that suffer cos that would be truly shit.

No, I don't agree is alright to strop, read what I said; that wasnt what I said.
Are these posters for real??!! Or just being goady...

Bluesheep8 · 31/10/2018 18:29

Probably not, but I don't know for sure as it would never occur to me to ask!

Havaina · 31/10/2018 18:56

The posts from these selfless people happy to go out at silly o'clock to get treats are getting increasingly vitriolic/batshit. It just doesn't match up.

nightmares · 31/10/2018 19:02

FFS! The OP posted an emotional AIBU, and now the conversation is about moody and stroppy? And those who are honest enough to say yes it is okay to expect that, and yes, there are folks out there who will do it, no questions asked, being accused as manipulative and batshit?

This place, sometimes, makes me wonder.

Shriekingbanshee · 31/10/2018 19:03

'Silly o/c' it isn't, 'treats' its not either, there's context...goady, nasty, re-writing and twisting

havingabadhairday · 31/10/2018 19:15

Just asked DH of he would and he said 'of course, what do you want' and then I had to explain it was an aibu.

To be fair if he knows I'm in pain he sometimes just pops out and buys me something without me even asking. No medical reasons, I've just always had painful periods!

Of course I do the same for him.

nightmares · 31/10/2018 19:16

MaisyPops - Random acts of kindness

But that's exactly what this is? Normal assumption, from OP's post is that this is not a regular occurance... she is not demanding this every day, is she.

nightmares · 31/10/2018 19:20

havingabadhairday EXACTLY! In my case of course I would do the same for any loved one, husband or brother or parent... if they are in pain (let's stop about the various herarchies of pain, shall we? Pain is pain) and ask me for something which is very well within my capacity (I am not in pain, am I) to get for them, then I would do that 100% without getting into pedantic discussions about it.

nightmares · 31/10/2018 19:20

*hierarchies

ToddlerTamerMumma · 31/10/2018 19:23

Mine would ... I'd feel bad that he has to go out at this time but I know he'd do it for me. He often pops to the shop if I fancy a bit of chocolate at random times of the night (I'm assuming just to shut me up!)

MaisyPops · 31/10/2018 19:37

nightmares
As in random acts so I'm out and would get something on the way back, not 'I want this specific thing and it's 10pm so you should get it for me'.
That's not a random act of kindness that's I want this treat so go get me it.

Bluntness100 · 31/10/2018 19:41

I don't know the answer, because I can't imagine being so selfish or unkind to my husband that I'd ask him to go get me a can of fizzy drink on a cold dark night after ten pm.

Showing kindness works both ways, it's unkind to ask, it's not pain relief, or sanpro, it's a can of lemonade because she fancied it.

There is doing things for each other and unkindly taking the piss. This is the latter.

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 31/10/2018 19:46

I'm a bit suspicious that you said it was period pains then a few posts later said it was endometriosis. I have endometriosis and don't refer to it as period pains.

nightmares · 31/10/2018 19:50

That's not a random act of kindness that's I want this treat so go get me it.

Is that how that conversation happened, in your head? Funny because I thought OP asked her DP if he could get her lemon water because she wanted her emotional fix during that time of the month, and he categorically said no.

In my world, if I ask for something at an inconvenient time, anybody including my H has the right to say they don't want to go. I'd understand that, and of course I am not going to combust into flames if I don't get my cream soda. Depending on my mood (yeah, periods, hormonal, mood swings, it happens, get over it) I'd either have distracted myself or walked to the shop myself. And yes, there would be the slight, yes, but also inevitable disappointment that he did not care enough to walk a few steps to alleviate my pain. Nobody can tell me that I should not feel this way, especially when I would have done so to him in a hearbeat, and he knows it.

But if and when said family member - let's say SO, since it is a romantic partnership in this thread - does take the time to do it for me, well, then, that's the kind of stuff most of us live for and expect from our loved ones. I am not going to be ashamed for that. Neither should the OP be.

Havaina · 31/10/2018 20:21

@Shreikingbanshee

'Silly o/c' it isn't, 'treats' its not either, there's context...goady, nasty, re-writing and twisting

A lemony drink or cream soda have zero medicinal properties so yes, they are treats.

10.30pm is many people's bedtime, so yes, it is silly o'clock.

Just because people have a different opinion to you does not make them nasty or goady.

Although I'm beginning to think your username is more than apt.

Havaina · 31/10/2018 20:26

MaisyPops - Random acts of kindness

But that's exactly what this is? Normal assumption, from OP's post is that this is not a regular occurance... she is not demanding this every day, is she.

night You don't understand the concept of a random act of kindness. It's because someone does it for someone else unprompted and unexpectedly that makes it a random act.

You telling your husband to get you a cream soda is a request, you have asked for it so it isn't unexpected to you or unprompted so therefore it is not a random act of kindness.

Swipe left for the next trending thread