Period- what your DP do this?

[Leder]

It's the first day of my period and I'm in a fair bit of pain. Feeling a bit sorry for myself and just fancy a sparkling lemon flavoured water from Tesco. Asked DP 10 mins ago if he would go get me one and he categorically said no. I know it's late but aibu to ask. I am on the verge of tears and just would love a "treat"

He had a vasectomy a few days ago, very sore and swollen, and still hobbled off to the shop to buy me a pepperami 2 days after it because i fancied one and I was in pain.

Please tell me that it's not just me that thinks it's deeply inappropriate to send a man to buy a pepperami 2 days after a vasectomy. Is it not just adding insult to injury?

And in answer to the OP, I wouldn't ask anyone to do that. There are better ways to show you care about someone that bringing them fizzy lemon on demand.

It's not just you, Gabilan, I agree that's awful.

There seems to be a competition on 'look what my partner is willing to do for me'. It's very manipulative.

I wonder if it's mainly women who do the majority of the housework who ask their partners to do this stuff. Like the poster upthread who said women wash their husbands skiddy pants so should be able to ask them for random late night requests.

If I was out of painkillers, probably. But not at gone 10pm at night, just to get me a treat.

Then perhaps your expectations of a partner should be higher.
If DH or I are out then we regularly bring back little treats for each other without being asked. We split housework 50/50 and he has 50% of the wifeload mental load.
Neither of us would expect each other to go out at 10pm because the other wants a particular type of water as a treat.

We don't need to raise our expectations. I have a friend who wants a man who'll run and give her treats and spoil her. I can't help but feel it sounds horribly high maintenance. Still, if she finds a guy who'll do that then good for her. That'll be their way for their relationship.
I'd be a bit if she smugly suggested I needed to raise my standards because I chose to enter a relationship of equals where neither gets in a mood when we can't have the snack we want at 10pm.

Well said Maisy
You have described the relationship that OH and I have as well.

Why can't you just go?

Probably not, unless he wanted something too!

I think mine would. If he was engrossed in a programme or busy I might have to seriously cajole if it was something non-essential and I was not actually sick. Can't you bribe him?

He had a vasectomy a few days ago, very sore and swollen, and still hobbled off to the shop to buy me a pepperami 2 days after it because i fancied one and I was in pain.

I could understand sending him off to the shops for painkillers but a pepperami??

Seems wholly inappropriate in view of the fact that you said yourself that he's willing to go to the shops at all times of the night when you're sick or in pain.

Unless you have the HolyBejasusJesusfucker of a period 3 days off work, blood clots and pethidine shots then no ffs.

Oh God the pepperami and vasectomy thing... sounds very Freudian...

I have a troubled marriage, we are in counselling, lots of arguments, the word 'separation' has been mentioned.

Last week I had the same problem, PMS pain, wanted a cream soda immediately because it is my go to food during periods. Had none in the fridge. I asked my H, it was nearly 10pm and he had almost gone to bed, still he took the car in the pouring rain and got it for me.

Whether it is 1918 or 2018, I think there is got to be a basic kindness between two people living in the same house.

I know that when I had period pains, driving to get something myself would not have been an option so I don't agree with those type of comments. However lemonade does not help with period pains, so no, I would not send DH out at that time of night for lemonade. If I really needed painkillers, then maybe.

"Whether it is 1918 or 2018, I think there is got to be a basic kindness between two people living in the same house."

I agree, but there is a difference between basic kindness and taking the piss. Where I live getting a fizzy drink would involve a round trip of many miles and 40 minutes minimum. OH would get painkillers but not a fizzy drink, and I would do the same for him.

We have been together for nearly 40 years and have always shown each other consideration, kindness and respect, but it doesn't extend to getting fizzy drinks on a whim.

Whether it is 1918 or 2018, I think there is got to be a basic kindness between two people living in the same house.

That's right, so not sending your DH out in the pouring rain is the kindness.

Last week I had the same problem, PMS pain, wanted a cream soda immediately because it is my go to food during periods.

So why didn't YOU make sure that YOU had cream soda in stock for your upcoming period?

Whether it is 1918 or 2018, I think there is got to be a basic kindness between two people living in the same house.
The kindness in many relationships isn't the manipulative 'my DP would jump when I say I want a treat look how much we love each other' approach.

Personally I'll take the mutual respect, sharing the mental load, 50/50 housework, random unprompted acts of kindness over 'look how high my DP jumps when I tell them to' any day.

I stand by what I said. I was doubled over in pain, and my H was kind enough to get what I needed (and it was not even medicine, take that, vipers!), in spite of the fact that we are not each others' fav people on earth right now.

Basic kindness.

"The kindness in many relationships isn't the manipulative 'my DP would jump when I say I want a treat look how much we love each other' approach."

"Personally I'll take the mutual respect, sharing the mental load, 50/50 housework, random unprompted acts of kindness over 'look how high my DP jumps when I tell them to' any day."

Exactly. That's how we operate. Plus not staying out all night getting legless/taking drugs, not being abusive or selfish, but generally just being a kind, considerate partner in a relationship where there is mutual respect.

I wouldn't ask. Maybe in labour I might!

So why didn't YOU make sure that YOU had cream soda in stock for your upcoming period?

Um, 'cos I drank it all and forgot?

Read my lips, all ye who want to pulverise me. When I asked my H for a favour at that time of the night, he is human enough to realise that I am in pain, he did not say fuck off, to me, he said, sure I will get it for you, and then got it, and gave it to me and said, I hope you feel better.

He may not be my fav person right now, but I am fuckin glad that he is a good person who did not use this chance to prove something. Because, basic kindness. Especially to the person who lives with you.

OP, YANBU.

I stand by what I said. I was doubled over in pain, and my H was kind enough to get what I needed (and it was not even medicine, take that, vipers!), in spite of the fact that we are not each other's ' fav people on earth right now.

Basic kindness.

If you're sending out your H for cream soda when you're supposedly doubled over with pain then I can see why you have a troubled marriage.

You sound as manipulative as the woman who made her H get her a Peparami just because she fancied one, when he had had surgery 2 days before.

Read my lips, all ye who want to pulverise me.

You do realise we can't see your lips right?

Your posts just confirm my theory that people who ask their partners to do these unnecessary things are batshit.

40 miles and a 5 min nip to the corner shop, are clear literally miles apart, so not in fact a reasonable comparison at all.
She is just 5mins from shop, dh not recently vasectomied, in tears with pain, clearly not the superwoman you all are to be so organised as to never have run out of anything at a shit time.

Basic human kindness yes. Consideration and showing caring, but he is always allowed to say no, otherwise why ask?
Sorry to hear your relationship difficulties nightmares just shows the difference between abusive twunts and decent ppl. I really hope things work out for you

Shriekingbanshee, thank you. I don't have much hope, but am willing to try my best. My H is a good man, and I love him very much, but I believe I am no longer in love with him. Such a cliche. Ah well.

Some of the comments here just make me laugh. As if asking the person I love and married, to get me something from the corner shop makes me a manipulative schemer. As if anybody would send their P or H 10 or 20 miles away for a treat, and post on AIBU about it.

Oh gawd nightmares for you. It is such a cliché, so much so that I do wonder whether that lust and in loveness does ever last for ever? Maybe just for the very lucky view, and they have a lifestyle that keeps that attraction alive.
But yes, regardless, still be forgiving and decent to others suffering.