My sibling is a single parent to two older teenagers and lives in a different country. From a young age, the children were raised with no rules or boundaries and have always been quite bad mannered and spoiled.
Whenever they’ve visited or I’ve visited them or we’ve taken them on dream holidays (at no cost to my sibling) we’ve been expected to turn a blind eye to rude actions and words towards myself and my parents, waiting staff/ hotel/ shop workers etc and sulking/tantrums when they’ve not got what they’ve wanted. They’ve destroyed furniture and household items (ie picked leather off the sofa, dug out grouting in the bathroom, peeled off wallpaper) even as teenagers.
My sibling goes no contact with anyone who makes any suggestions or observations about their behaviour. They believe their children are the most beautiful, most talented children in the world and will not accept any other narrative, no matter how gentle an approach we use.
Each year I spend around £500 or £600 on them between Christmas/Birthdays and extra treats. It’s difficult to get presents delivered to the country they live in and my family and I have some trouble to get gifts over there.
I did not receive a thank you or an acknowledgment of any kind for the expensive and thoughtful birthday gifts I sent earlier in the year. The gifts were definitely received and since then they’ve text with selfies/pictures of themselves on nights out/trips and “sign this petition” messages. Whenever they do get in contact they never say “Hi hope you’re well” it’s only ever “I wore this dress last night and everyone was saying I looked stunning” or “I did x and made (my sibling) cry cos I was so amazing”.
The last Christmas I spent with them, something really wonderful happened for me on Christmas Eve that I tried not to make a big deal of but I did get some attention for it. The eldest teen proceeded to ignore me totally and go off and sulk in a different room for the rest of Christmas Eve because they couldn’t stand anyone else getting any attention. I was very hurt because over the years I’ve given a lot of love and nurturing to them and always overlooked my own feelings when I’ve been treated badly. I asked my sibling what was wrong and they said “X is really pissed off at you because of what happened for you tonight” and they burst out laughing thinking it was hilarious. The rest of the family felt very awkward because the eldest was refusing to be around any of us. The sulking continued into Christmas Day when they also refused to say hello or acknowledge one of my parents. My parents and I spent over £1000 between us on the two teenagers for Christmas and straight away the eldest went on Instagram and started saying how all their friends got better presents and how it wasn’t fair. It was very difficult for us to afford that level of spending and so the attitude was a real kick in the teeth.
I’m at the point now where I am just completely done. They are practically adults and I’m sick of putting myself out there and getting stepped all over. I’ve done it to keep the peace in the family but I don’t want to be a mug any longer.
WIBU to just send a cheque for Christmas with a note saying “seeing as I didn’t receive a thank you for your birthday gifts this year, I assume you weren’t happy with what I bought you. I thought I’d just send money this year so you can buy what you want and I won’t have the trouble and expense of arranging delivery etc.”
Any help with wording would be really helpful please! I don’t want a falling out in my family but I’m also sick of being treated like crap. After almost 18 years I just feel done now.