Brother died intestate - disagreement over his estate

[Miggymoggymugwumps]

My beloved brother died very unexpectedly earlier this year, it was a huge shock and has been very hard to deal with losing him. For background he had a successful career, never married and at the time of his death was single with no dependents. Because he had no children of his own he idolised his nieces and nephews and was a huge part of their lives from the day they were all born. There are 4 of them and they are now all adults with the youngest being 18 and the eldest 32.(2 are mine and 2 are my sisters)

Anyway he always said (as you do at times) that if anything ever happened to him he'd leave something to me and my sister but that the bulk of his estate would be equally split between 'all the kids'. However it is now apparent that he never got around to making a Will and that he died intestate, so his next of kin become the beneficiaries. That is our parents and of course this is totally right and proper. Now everything has been settled his estate comes to a little over £400,000 which is obviously a vast amount.

This is were problems are now creeping in. My Dad who seems to have had a personality transplant now that he's come into money has decided to give the nieces and nephews just £5,000 each. Now I know this isn't to be sniffed at but I can't help feeling that it is a bit stingy bearing in mind just how much inheritance there is but most of all it is absolutely not what my brother would have wanted. Her always said he wanted them to benefit, and mentioned this on many occasions, to me, my sister, our parents, friends and even his next door neighbours. Even at his funeral close friends of his said that is what he wanted to happen.

My Dad says that because he didn't make a Will that the situation is different now and that the kids and us will end up with it all eventually anyway when him and Mum pass away. They are late 70's, and thankfully in good health but obviously may need care in the future which will need to be paid for. Dad says he's going to have their bathroom and kitchen done, have a conservatory, buy a new car and go on nice holidays.

I gently tried to explain that although my brother would have wanted them to enjoy themselves 'on him' and make their lives a bit easier his actual wishes about the nieces and nephews having it were getting forgotten. Dad doesn't seem to want to acknowledge this at all, my Mum agrees with us but can't get through to him either and it's starting to cause friction. If there is a solution please tell me as I just want to do things right by my brother!

I sympathise with the OP. If her father does change his mind a deed of variation can be used to transfer money from the inheritance to the nieces and nephews within two years of the probate.

My MiL died this year and left everything to my husband and his sister (who has no children). My husband has used a deed of variation to transfer a large sum to each of our two girls to enable them to get on the housing ladder. We are both nearly 60, the mortgage is paid off and we do not need large sums of money. Our children need it far more than we do.

I do hope that in time the grandfather in this case will see sense.

Sorry for your loss OP

I agree with those who have pointed out that your brother was most likely expecting to outlive his parents and so in this situation his feelings may have been different.

Personally, I think it is best not to expect to inherit anything. When you take into account, divorces, remarriages, care bills and many other circumstances you may well inherit nothing.

Bitterness towards other family members after a death is never going to be helpful and will only cause rifts in the family.

specracularly missing the point.The brother's wishes in the scenario of dying before his dps is unknown

That might be a valid point if it weren’t for the fact that the Dad said he knows his son would have wanted it to go to the niece and nephews.

I agree with those who have pointed out that your brother was most likely expecting to outlive his parents and so in this situation his feelings may have been different.

Even though the Dad has said he knows his son would have wanted the money to go to the nieces and nephews?

Weird that people think they know OPs brothers wishes better than his sister, father and mother. 🤔

What do your children think of your fathers decision ?
It sounds like the money has gone to your fathers head

Actually, I think the MORE we talk about this sort of thing, the better
Yes, definitely. and backing that up with a will

Things often seem to get messy even when there is a 'set in stone' Will, in place - family arguments etc.

I have made a Will...and my family situation is mildly complex and I do hope that my intentions are carried out. As, without a Will, my estate would pass to those more legally entitled...and I would not want everything to go to certain persons.

Always on these sorts of threads, you get posters saying that the bereaved parents' wishes trump everyone else's. That may be so for a reasonable person, but actually it can do a lot of damage to the family if the parents don't involve other family members and don't consider them when they make decisions.

OP, I wouldn't say anything more but I would cut right back on spending time with your parents.

If I was the OP I think I would be disgusted with My Father, keeping 95% for himself and giving a token amount to the people that he knows his son wanted to have his money
on the other hand if I was the father I'd be consumed by grief so who knows what I would do
very very difficult

We can argue your brother’s wishes until the cows come home but at the end of the day, he didn’t write a will & the money has gone to your parents. Your father has seen fit to give a nominal gift to your children & wants to keep the rest. It might well be that your mother stages a coup & gets him to pass on more of the dosh to his grandchildren but I think you might have to accept the situation as it stands.

What your father needs to do is see an IFA about how best to deal with this windfall.
Adding a new bathroom, kitchen & conservatory onto the marital home is adding value onto it, a new car & a few decent holidays are a nice treat but £400+k is a lot of dosh & it needs to be managed wisely.
If carefully invested, it could mean that if either parent needs care, they can access it quickly without necessarily having to sell the house or having to do some kind of costly equity release. They could have an extra income to top up their pensions.

Give up on getting any more cash at the moment. Encourage your parents to see an IFA, to sort out what they’re actually going to do with the money now they’re keeping it. They need review their wills, sort out POAs - they can do both with a solicitor. It might cost a bit more to do a POA with a solicitor’s involvement but can give your parents reassurance that no-one in the family is out to rip them off...

Obviously if your father is unwilling to do any of this then unfortunately you’ll just have to wait & see what happens. I hope for all your sakes, he takes advice on the money.

Sage advice from @Jocasta however my money is on the father refusing to take any advice on what to do with his 'windfall'

My dad varied my nan's will to divert some money to me and my brother - so he was unreasonable even though he didn't need the money himself (and adding to his estate would only increase future inheritance tax) and he knew my nan would be happy for us to have it?

No he wasn't unreasonable, and I didn't imply he was, I made an exception for scenarios like this.

Thank you all for your comments, I have read every single one and really appreciate everyone's condolences and views.

As I earlier stated I will accept my Dad's decision, but I will never agree with it. There is much more I could write about our family dynamics which would have bearing in the situation but that is probably too long to go in to here. However, I will just add that contrary to what some posters have said about my brother never meaning what he said about nieces and nephews benefitting because it was all talk and he never did write a will, I will always believe in my heart that he did. Finances do have to be resolved & although some may find that unsavoury it is a necessary process.

Ultimately though we have already lost out beloved brother and I don't want to 'lose' anybody else due to a family rift - we all remain devastated at what has happened and would give anything to have him back in our lives.

Make sure that your own affairs, wills, POA's are in order too OP.....learn from your DB's folly on this matter and don't have it repeated. All the best 💐