Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take this child to school?

748 replies

EveryoneButSam · 28/10/2018 11:56

My dd is in a class with a girl who lives on our street, let’s call her May. May’s mum has a long term illness which makes it very difficult for her to get up and moving in the morning, so she can’t do the morning school run. Up until about a month ago May was being taken to school by her much older sister, but the sister has now got a different job and moved away.

May’s mum asked if I would take her to school up until half term. I agreed, although with a bit of trepidation as although I didn’t mind doing it for a few weeks I couldn’t see how May’s mum was going to be able to find a different solution. And guess what, she hasn’t, and has now asked if I can carry on until Christmas. But again, I don’t see a solution for after then!

I feel awful for not wanting to commit to this but I really don’t. Not indefinitely. It’s not even as if it’s putting me out that much, May is only a couple of doors down so walks herself over here and is usually on time. Apart from a couple of incidences where she’s not stopped where she should have she’s not much of a bother. I just find it an annoyance - if we’re ready a bit early we have to wait, I have to chat to an extra (chatty) child early in the morning when I’m not really at my chattiest Smile. Which I was happy to put up with to help someone out for a few weeks but not forever!

So AIBU really is am I being a total bitch and should just suck it up? If not, how do I get out of it or at least put a deadline on it? I know I could just do the “that doesn’t work for me” but when May’s mum knows I’m walking that way every day anyway that just seems really rude.

For further clarification, May and her mum are both nice friendly people but neither dd or I are particularly friends with either and we’ve not had a history of helping each other out really.

OP posts:
Miscible · 29/10/2018 16:12

Then surely op should get a backbone and tell the child to be quiet. I find this as a very weak excuse when some people have real issues and difficulties of getting their children to and from school

But OP doesn't need an excuse. It is not her job to sort out this child's school transport arrangements.

It's all very well everyone insisting that this arrangement has no impact on OP, we all know that the reality is that it will. Just think about it; you're ready to go, but May hasn't turned up; you really need to shove the kids through the door early to get to something at work but May turns up late and dawdles on the way; you're shouting at everyone to get ready and then feel bad because May has heard everything; you drop something but feel you can't swear because May's ears are flapping; you aren't ready to go because of some family crisis and May turns up in the middle of it so you feel bad because she'll be late as well as your child; you're having an off day and want to slob around in your dressing gown till the last second but you can't because May's coming; you've forgotten something but feel you can't turn back for it because there's an extra child to consider; etc etc etc. No-one minds that occasionally, but having it for potentially a couple of years would be a complete pain in the neck.

LannieDuck · 29/10/2018 16:13

OP has no idea whether there's an alternative for May's Mum. Her DF might not be able to flex her hours, or he might not have asked.

How many threads have there been on here of similar arrangements where the OP has been horrified to discover one day that the husband is at home with his feet up in front of the TV while muggins does the school run for them....?

Or May's family may be genuinely stuck and hugely grateful to the OP. We don't know, and she doesn't either.

OP, I don't think I would head into next half term without knowing how long-term the arrangement was going to be. I would have a conversation with May's Mum and ask how long she thinks she'll need help for and what she plans to do about the school run going forward?

LannieDuck · 29/10/2018 16:13

Her DF might not be able to flex his hours Oops...!

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/10/2018 16:19

How many threads have there been on here of similar arrangements where the OP has been horrified to discover one day that the husband is at home with his feet up in front of the TV while muggins does the school run for them

Exactly. I really wish people would stop piling on the guilt when she's providing FOR FREE services that would other wise cost several hundred pounds a month. And the dad who actually wouldn't be able to carry on doing what he's doing if it wasn't for her. And no one's offered so much as an.explanation or a cup of tea .

Which frankly makes me.lean more towards someone who could but won't over someome who can't because of arrangements were so precarious he'd be so grateful and be offering to do pick ups

Miscible · 29/10/2018 16:19

Mummyoflittledragon, you're completely projecting your own situation onto this woman. No, we can't read what it's like to be "these people" because it isn't there to read. You don't know what it's like to be this person, do you?

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2018 16:24

Jlnyhope
Obviously I can’t know how this woman is feeling but I have a far better idea that the pile on from a bunch of able bodied posters, several of whom think they know what the woman and her dh should be doing and feeling.

If only I just had pain Jlnyhope. If only it was just pain.

Miscible
Whether or not op needs and excuse isn’t the point. Op wants and excuse to justify it to herself and I’m saying the one she’s come up with is weak. Ok?

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2018 16:25

Miscible
Cross post. Bollocks am I projecting. I’m explaining to able bodied people what it feels like to be very very ill. Whether or not it is the same for this woman I cannot tell.

IAmBeyonceAlways · 29/10/2018 16:28
tazzle22 · 29/10/2018 17:22

Maisypops... just saying what condition the mum has as so many people missed it. If anyone wants to find out more they can google. I not guilt tripping OP ... did not give my opinion either way.

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 29/10/2018 17:22

So much attention seeking on here. Your own personal experiences aren't needed in great detail.

I have a chronic health condition and it's agony but I'm not bleating on about it on here, because it's irrelevant.

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 29/10/2018 17:24

Sick of reading that the mum has lupus, for gods sake.

Villanellesproudmum said:

"Meant to say she had severe case of Lupus." regarding her post about another mum which she posted 2 minutes earlier, she is not the bloody op.

Miscible · 29/10/2018 17:30

But you are projecting, Mummyoflittledragon. You can't claim that you were only talking about how it feels for you to be ill when you write "Posters are so good at dishing out how they think this woman should and shouldn’t act, what they should be able to do and how they should and shouldn’t behave. Pity they can’t actually fucking read what it’s actually fucking like to be these people."

Miscible · 29/10/2018 17:32

Maisypops... just saying what condition the mum has as so many people missed it

No, you aren't, @tazzle22. We've established several times over that there is no suggestion that this woman has lupus.

Holidayshopping · 29/10/2018 17:42

@tazzle22 where did you get that information from?!

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 29/10/2018 17:43

The girl is pleasant, arrives on time, and you are going to school anyway

I agree with a PP, who suggested a few ground rules about circumstances in which you would (not) be able to help

Subject to those ground rules, I think it would be perfectly reasonable to take the child to school, to help out a sick neighbour, who appreciates your help

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 29/10/2018 17:45

And for the nth time this Mum does school pick up every day and also manages drop off when it suits.

She may well have pain and stuff joints in the morning, and I imagine life is tough, but her condition doesn't sound remotely like any of the desperately Ill hyperbole that is being projected here.

Mummy ** You are clearly in a very different situation. Please don't think people are minimising anything you are having to deal with.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 29/10/2018 17:47

MAY'S MUM DOES NOT HAVE LUPUS

SillySallySingsSongs · 29/10/2018 17:49

She may well have pain and stuff joints in the morning, and I imagine life is tough, but her condition doesn't sound remotely like any of the desperately Ill hyperbole that is being projected here.

Well as no one knows you can't possibly say.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 29/10/2018 17:54

Other PP have explained how tough it is to be unable to do the school run at all.

This Mum manages it 50% of the time. Which rather suggests her condition is less debilitating than for those who are unable to do it at all.

Delatron · 29/10/2018 18:09

Even OP doesn’t know what the condition is.

Because she barely knows her and the woman or her husband never speak to her. Yet she is supposed to take her child to school every day for the next two years... Madness!

Now if this lady popped round (since she’s a neighbour and all that) and expanded about her condition and thanked the OP and said her and her husband were so grateful etc then maybe the OP would feel differently.

It’s seems this woman and her husband are
practical strangers to the OP.

StoorieHoose · 29/10/2018 18:20

Surely the Op has a voice and can go and knock on Mays mums door? They must have swapped mobile numbers at some point.

If the OP doesn’t want to do it anymore the she needs to communicate with Mays mum.

StoorieHoose · 29/10/2018 18:22

Why all the hand wringing if they are practically strangers? OP just texts May mum ‘sorry I can’t take May to school anymore’ end of discussion.

She doesn’t NEED to do this favour she did offer and if she doesn’t want to do it anymore she needs to tell the mum

Witchofwisteria · 29/10/2018 18:53

I'm not religious but I wonder sometimes, if he was real what would that crazy hippy Jesus do? I think Jesus would walk little May to school and just suck it up.

You're teaching your daughter a really good lesson here about helping those in need.

StoorieHoose · 29/10/2018 18:57

According to this thread Jesus would ask god if he could change his working hours and that his missus had nothing wrong with her and was just being a cheeky fucker

user1457017537 · 29/10/2018 19:30

Mummyof you really have no idea of what I deal with in my life. You don’t have the monopoly on life-limiting illness or pain.

Please pick on someone else.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.