To not want to take this child to school?

[EveryoneButSam]

My dd is in a class with a girl who lives on our street, let’s call her May. May’s mum has a long term illness which makes it very difficult for her to get up and moving in the morning, so she can’t do the morning school run. Up until about a month ago May was being taken to school by her much older sister, but the sister has now got a different job and moved away.

May’s mum asked if I would take her to school up until half term. I agreed, although with a bit of trepidation as although I didn’t mind doing it for a few weeks I couldn’t see how May’s mum was going to be able to find a different solution. And guess what, she hasn’t, and has now asked if I can carry on until Christmas. But again, I don’t see a solution for after then!

I feel awful for not wanting to commit to this but I really don’t. Not indefinitely. It’s not even as if it’s putting me out that much, May is only a couple of doors down so walks herself over here and is usually on time. Apart from a couple of incidences where she’s not stopped where she should have she’s not much of a bother. I just find it an annoyance - if we’re ready a bit early we have to wait, I have to chat to an extra (chatty) child early in the morning when I’m not really at my chattiest . Which I was happy to put up with to help someone out for a few weeks but not forever!

So AIBU really is am I being a total bitch and should just suck it up? If not, how do I get out of it or at least put a deadline on it? I know I could just do the “that doesn’t work for me” but when May’s mum knows I’m walking that way every day anyway that just seems really rude.

For further clarification, May and her mum are both nice friendly people but neither dd or I are particularly friends with either and we’ve not had a history of helping each other out really.

To see some of these posts you'd think OP had turned her heel on a sick woman without a glance backwards; instead she's already helped for a half term, intends to do so for another and even then feels conflicted about it all

@EveryoneButSam please can I ask - because I'm not going to start making assumptions - whether there's been any proper thanks for what you've done already? A suggestion to pick DS up at the same time as hers perhaps? A bottle of wine / bunch of flowers / box of chocs maybe? An offer to share fuel costs? Even a nice thank you card?

batface you are right it’s not the OPs place to sort it out but she has been asked and has said yes. If she doesn’t want to do it anymore she needs to tell the parents that she can’t do it any more

I honestly think that it is only this generation who would take the attitude of ‘it’s not my problem’ to helping a disabled neighbour. Of course the op doesn’t HAVE to help but if it’s little trouble why wouldn’t you?

Well @Weedinosaurus that's good to know you'd just crack on, potentially for years. Does it not matter to you that your own child might value that time alone with you? Like I said, for a set time or as and when, then absolutely. But ongoing for years? No

Apologies - that should of course have read pick your DD up along with hers

Why do people need thanks?
Yes, it’s nice but in no way expected if I do something.

People are totally missing the point, and are being very afpggressive To op anomie already helping this mum out in a big way. She does not want to anymore, and it is her right to help out where she can and for what time that suits her. Trying to convince op to do something that she clearly does not want to anymore, by being aggressive, nasty, guilt trip is beyond the pale. The ludricus comments about the universe are just so funny.

Some of these replies are making me very uncomfortable but some are quite heartwarming too.
I could be Mays mum. I have a mobility problem that has worsened in the last 6 months and I really struggle in the mornings with walking.
I leave my house at 7 to make sure my own children are at school on time. It takes me an hour to do the 15 min walk and I am in extreme pain. I then meet a friend who is on her way to work at 8.00 and she drops her 3 children to me to continue the walk to the school together so that she will not be late for work. I then supervise the children until they go into class. And make my way home again.
But then the friend will collect all the children and drop mine back to my door to save me having to do the impossibly painful task of collecting them too.
We help each other, we both have big families and this arrangement has worked for us for nearly 15 years.
That’s 15 years of walking a child -children who is not my own to school every day.

Yes it's nice to be appreciated and tombs thanked, basic manners don't you think.

Everyone needs to stop having a go at the OP. She has taken that child for a full half term and plans to continue until Christmas. How the fuck is OP selfish?

I can understand the OP feeling uneasy about having to take this child to school for years. The family including dad and any grandparents need to come up with a long term solution. What would have happened if they didn't have a neighbour doing the same school run?

It may well be impossible for the DF to change his working hours to drop off his DD - in that case I would expect the other DM to have told OP this.

It's very easy for people on the screen to be hypothetically generous with their time and energy - but in real life if you're doing someone a huge favour it's good to know the details around it and to be thanked for doing it.

@batfaced, if my only child only got quality time with me on the school run for 10 minutes a day, id be a bit worried. I’d also explain to dd that some people need support sometimes and it’s good to help people.

Weedinosaurus Because it's basic politeness and manners to thank someone for helping you out. Everyone's hammering the OP for being unkind for having a wobble about doing this long-term, but apparently it's okay for May's parents to not give a shit about her.

Problem is that she is a neighbour not a close friend, so nobody knows the answer to nature of mother's illness, whether father's work is flexible or not, whether they have money to pay minder etc. If this was a close friend, this would probably be known and OP could react appropriately and make suggestions.

Love thy neighbour anyone?
Everyone is complaining about broken society etc etc what do u expect when no one shows any kindness to each other.
Like pp I can't believe some of the responses on here. You all tell yourselves it's ok to be selfish, but im glad im not like that.

In year 5 or 6 the child might be walking on her own anyway, going the same way as the OP and her child, and what will the difference be? It would be no extra hassle for me to allow a well behaved 8 or 9 year old to walk with me and my child. A few minutes wait, a text if my child is ill or will be dropped off early, that's it.

So you end up being a mug and a doormat, because there are people that can take the piss.

Why do people need thanks?

IME most don't need thanks, but I simply can't imagine asking for a brief favour, extending the "ask" without any apparent intention of making other arrangements and NOT expressing some appreciation (if indeed this is what's happened)

I appreciate it is a bit of a bind, but if the mum is poorly, and it's not a massive inconvenience, you should continue to help.

If you were in the same situation wouldn't you be appreciative

If it takes May's mum a long time to get moving in the morning, then she could get up earlier, in fact that's what she needs to do long term anyway

Says the person who has no idea how debilitating illness and medication can be.

@Puzzledandpissedoff I have had thanks by text but that’s really not my issue. Like I said the reciprocity doesn’t bother me and it doesn’t cost me anything financially as I walk unless the weather is awful (I do have a car but prefer the walk). It’s the prospect of doing this for an indeterminate amount of time which could potentially be years.

I give up here. I hope I bring my children up to be kinder than some posters here. Maybe I’m naive and living in a little world of my own but I genuinely don’t think I know anyone who wouldn’t take may to school long term.

Everyone is complaining about broken society etc etc what do u expect when no one shows any kindness to each other.

But the OP IS showing kindness! She's already walking May to school every day, has done for a month, and has said she'll continue to Xmas. All she's doing is questioning the situation long term. The kindness should extend the other way too - May's parents should be thanking her.

So what happens if OP is ill, or her child is ill, so she can't take the other person's dc to school? What if the OP gets a job that means she has to use the before-school care?

This woman needs to sort something more permanent out.

Still wondering where the op has said she hasn’t been thanked???