To not want to take this child to school?

[EveryoneButSam]

My dd is in a class with a girl who lives on our street, let’s call her May. May’s mum has a long term illness which makes it very difficult for her to get up and moving in the morning, so she can’t do the morning school run. Up until about a month ago May was being taken to school by her much older sister, but the sister has now got a different job and moved away.

May’s mum asked if I would take her to school up until half term. I agreed, although with a bit of trepidation as although I didn’t mind doing it for a few weeks I couldn’t see how May’s mum was going to be able to find a different solution. And guess what, she hasn’t, and has now asked if I can carry on until Christmas. But again, I don’t see a solution for after then!

I feel awful for not wanting to commit to this but I really don’t. Not indefinitely. It’s not even as if it’s putting me out that much, May is only a couple of doors down so walks herself over here and is usually on time. Apart from a couple of incidences where she’s not stopped where she should have she’s not much of a bother. I just find it an annoyance - if we’re ready a bit early we have to wait, I have to chat to an extra (chatty) child early in the morning when I’m not really at my chattiest . Which I was happy to put up with to help someone out for a few weeks but not forever!

So AIBU really is am I being a total bitch and should just suck it up? If not, how do I get out of it or at least put a deadline on it? I know I could just do the “that doesn’t work for me” but when May’s mum knows I’m walking that way every day anyway that just seems really rude.

For further clarification, May and her mum are both nice friendly people but neither dd or I are particularly friends with either and we’ve not had a history of helping each other out really.

Actually from your most recent post, the thing that would grate with me as I'm not some sort of superhuman is that the other DM is not giving you the information you need to make an informed decision.

If it was me I'd be hugely grateful for the other DM for taking my DD into school every single morning, even if it doesn't appear to some to be a big inconvenience, certainly from the other side it's a complete godsend.

She needs to give you a bit more information about her situation - even if it's something she doesn't want to talk about - because that's the fair and right thing to do when someone is doing you a massive favour. If she isn't up to it, then her DH should be round to check that it's ok to keep on doing the lifts. He/she should also be dropping off the occasional bottle of wine or bunch of flowers to say thank you.

I bet if you were getting a bit more info OP and a bit of thanks, you'd probably not feel so resentful of the situation.

It would have been better if the mum had been clear and open with you. She was a little misleading and if you don't know someone that well, its not nice not to communicate properly and to place a burden on you, that you feel guilty about saying no to.

If the mum has not been open, then be open yourself - say you're happy to help out, but ask for more info on what solutions she is looking into.

I am sure you can get companies that do school runs for you (there are in my area) - a paid service.

The dad is there, he should be working hours that he can drop the dd off at breakfast club, if the mum cannot get up in the morning due to her illness. I thought work places are meant to be flexible around kids, or find out if there are local childminders that can pick up from the mum's home and take the dd to school.

Have I missed where the op has said she wasn’t thanked or it was taken for granted. From what I’ve read the neighbour has ASKED if the op would mind doing it for another half term. It is the op who has taken that to mean for 2 years.

It could well be Bumsex , the mum has a long term chronic condition which means she is not able to get up in the morning.

It’s really not your responsibility to get this child to school.
Just say to the mom that she will need to sort something out. If no parent is available to take her to school then they, like millions of other parents, will need to pay for childcare.

You are being taken for a mug.

If I was May's Mum or Dad I would be offering something in return. Maybe a night a month of babysitting (Dad could do that while Mum is home with May) or cutting your lawn - something to reflect the inconvenience and give you something back.

Even vouchers or wine or something.

I have a chronic illness and the mornings are much harder for me. It’s well enough controlled at the moment but during a flare I am very lucky that dh is able to adjust his work schedule for these kinds of things.

YABU. I would love to hop out of bed in the mornings and be just a little bit groggy and not up for a chat. Like the old days. But I’m not. It’s crap. I hate relying on anyone else as I’m sure May’s mother does too. You are not being inconvenienced in any real way. But she will likely be forever grateful and remember your kindness. You have no idea what it’s like to be chronically ill until it happens to you. She is probably looking for an alternative anyway or maybe you could try to get another Mum on board to share the ‘burden’ or for mornings that you are unable to take her for whatever reason.

I would do this and think that maybe one day when you are in need and short of options it may be paid forward.

You begrudge helping out a child whose mother has a long term, chronic illness

No, she has been helping the mother and intends to continue to do so for several more weeks. However, she is being expected to help a perfectly fit father with, apparently, no explanation why he can't step up to the plate. People going on about how he may not be able to get flexible working are theorising with precisely no information whatsoever.

If I were you I would just help - it’s so little trouble for you and so much help to them. I don’t know how you could say no without looking selfish or unreasonable. In this situation I think there’s a reason you’re finding it hard!

I agree to the idea of childminders.

Its fine to help out, but for the mum to place this long term burden on someone, without even talking clearly about it, when many, many people pay for this service, it not cool.

If I was ill long term, I would be making arrangements for school runs, I wouldn't expect someone down the road who I hardly know to do it.

Its not the helping out randomly - it's the being expected to do it for a considerable amount of time - that's the issue.

What goes around, comes around, and if you help this lady and her child in their genuine time of need, the universe will help you and your child in your own time of need. Additionally, I think you're teaching your child a really positive lesson, of helping others less able than us, with zero expectation of anything in return.

Why are you not thinking, “I can help here, I’ll do it”. Jeez...what has happened to community spirit and kindness? OP, I hope you’re not a sharer of fb memes such as, “In a world where you can be anything; be kind”.
I’m glad I live in a much kinder neighbourhood and if I’m anywhere near May and her poor Mum, I’ll take her to school!

So she drives to school and doesn’t get out of the car? Surely she can manage that most days then?

I expect the poor woman would be doing this if she could instead of asking op. It is very demeaning to ask for help. I do it very rarely.

Would you really weed, forcwhat could be 2 years!

Also those saying dad should step up - it’s not always that simple. Dad might not have a job that can just be flexible. My job can’t. I just do t get the attitude that if you CAN help someone, especially at no expense to yourself, then why wouldn’t you?
Circumstances (except the disability) are irrelevant here.

Do some posters not realise that not everyone works 9-5? My Dh is in construction leaves the house at 6.15 am 6 days a week and is taken to whatever site he is working on. If I was May my DH could not simply ask to adjust his working hours and would probably have to give up work

Obviously relying on op is not a long term viable solution,Mays parents need find a long term so!ution. Like getting the CM"s details who walks passed her house, or her able bodied husband, to match his hours so he is able to drop his Dd at breakfast club.

@aeroflot, I’d take her every day for the rest of her school day. I can’t see a problem with this at all.

*school years

Oh come on!!! It may not be that simple for the dad to step up but THAT IS NOT THE OP'S PROBLEM TO SORT

honestly some people are just hard of thinking

Its no bother for you. Why is so hard for people
On MNTo just be a bit nice !

And I'd take May to school. Absolutely I would. But for years? That responsibility for YEARS? Not even a close friend or family member? No longer can I just think about my own child and us leaving later or earlier or whatever because we have this added responsibility?

Like I said, some of you just like spouting nonsense

@batfaced I really don’t get why any reasonable and kind person wouldn’t see someone in need and WANT to help. I just don’t get it. Some people are just hard of heart. Glad I’m not one of them or living in a community of them.