To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

YANBU My son hated being restrained in his car seat. He managed to get out before he was even walking. I used duck tape to hold him in. Your sister is a dangerous fool.

With dd I used the kiddy car seats. They have a massive cushion thing over the belly/ part of the chest and are held down by the seatbelt, not a 5 point harness. It was impossible to escape from these. Dd hated the thing at first.

My friends ds was the same and she got him one of those Houdini straps. Children soon stop arguing when they realise something is unnegotiable. It just takes consistency, which sounds like your sister lacks on many fronts.

I hope your sister listened to your police officer uncle. However I fear you’ve just set yourself up for a lot more grief and nastiness. As she has grown up / older children it sounds as though her mindset is very much locked into 1980’s parenting, when things were different in many ways.

Your sister sounds like a drama queen and not a great parent tbh.

I bet your sister had HER seatbelt on right??? So she feels HER life is more important than her daughter's??? I'd point that out to her and move on.
She's clearly a numpty.

panago is this comment in regards to the child not being able to sit in the seat or the parent?

The mere fact that your niece is 2 and can't sit in a car seat is very telling

My 2 Yr old often wiggles out of her straps is only has a lap belt holding her in. We stop the car and tighten EVERY time. It is a child thing not a parenting thing as our dd1 will often tell us her sister has her arms put of the straps.

However I agree with op I would never despite the protests, tears and arms out of straps take her out the seat and would refuse to drive anyone who did something so stupid and illegal.

Hopefully opwith your mum and uncle on side your sister will at least see YNBU

I haven't read the whole thread. YADNBU. What your sister is doing is illegal. If she ever gets stopped she will be in trouble.

Your sister is an idiot. I’m glad your mum is trying to do something about it, by way of getting your uncle to speak to her.
My son is 4. I once forgot to fasten his seat belt (for context, it was raining heavily so I told him to jump in while I strapped the baby in). As soon as I started the car it would have beeped to tell me the seatbelt wasn’t fastened but he beat me to it. As soon as I sat in the drivers seat he sad “Mummy, you’ve not strapped me in!” He doesn’t know any different because he’s always been made to stay in his seat, even when he screamed as a two year old. Car seat safety is non negotiable and you are absolutely in the right here!

That is shocking you have a duty of care to an innocent child , not to mention that it is illegal.

YANBU.

She is being a FXCKING idiot! ...

Miserable kids that don't get their own way CRY AND MOAN

DEAD ONES DON'T

I'm with you 100 per cent.
Your sister is a piece of work.
Never drive her or her child anywhere again.
She sounds arrogant and low class.
As for calling you a bitch.......cast her off.

This goes really deep for your sister. You are the better parent.

She knows it, her daughter knows it, your mum knows it and your uncle knows it.

My brother works in A&E. He’s a reckless, gung-ho risk taker.
To quote him:
‘Car seats, cycle helmets, no crocs for lawn mowing, and get rid of your bloody trampoline. The rest, meh.’

(We do still have the trampoline.)

Not even seatbelts 😱

^ To ARose

Havaina I’d automatically put seatbelts I. With car seats in my head. They’re inextricably related as far as my addled brain is concerned. Hopefully Rose’s brother is of the same ilk.

Is anybody else hoping that just for once this thread hits the trash rags, and that the OPs sister gets a national roasting?

Erm, yes, he was including the belts with the car seats. He's rash but not that rash!

Yanbu. Sounds horrific all this on a busy motorway. Tell her it's the law and she's the bitch if she doesn't care about her daughter s life or the fact that it's YOU as the driver who will get in trouble with the law and end up with points and a fine.
What's she hoping to achieve by this nicey nicey parenting style? She's the one who needs help.

My daughter hated being strapped in at that age.eventually having Told her so many times i stopped the car and got her out of the car telling her she would not be coming back in the car ever again unless she put her arms in her straps and sat nicely.solved it.its called being a responsible parent.she will be teaching her that if she screams she gets what she wants

Adults don't need car seats though do they.

OP, your mum sounds sensible. Good to have your uncle on board too

Give her a wide berth for the time being and take comfort (if that's the right word) from the fact that she has manifested herself as an Unfit Mother. Those are two pretty chilling words that no mother ever wants to hear about their parenting skills.

Sigh. No, adults don't need car seats. He was talking to me about my children at the time, in the context of 'most likely to land them in his X-ray suite'.

ARose, if he was talking about children why the advice not to wear crocs when mowing the lawn?

You’re being obtuse now Havaina.

For the record, lots of children like helping in the garden. Children covers anything from newborn up to 18.

How so?