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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never drive my sister anywhere again?

427 replies

AmandaBuffamonteezi · 28/10/2018 08:16

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
figelnarage · 29/10/2018 18:42

She sounds very irresponsible and neglectful. I don’t understand anyone who wouldn’t want to protect their children from potential danger. I hope your uncle can talk some sense into her.

dwab45 · 29/10/2018 18:44

Definitely not BU. Good god your sister stupid beyond stupid. Txt her back and say the law is the law and safety paramount. If she txts back arguing just don’t reply and let her stew.

ForalltheSaints · 29/10/2018 18:46

YANBU and are a loving, caring aunt.

xmb53 · 29/10/2018 18:48

You were the driver. It was your responsibility and right to require a child to sit in a car seat when you were driving. End of. No more lifts until the child is capable of sitting in a normal car seat!

DeniseRoyal · 29/10/2018 18:51

What Don'tCallMeCharlotte said. YANBU Your sister is a selfish, irresponsible bitch.

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/10/2018 18:53

Hope your uncle gets through to her!

Jacqs290618 · 29/10/2018 18:56

You are completely in the right. I can’t believe what I’ve just read :|

NorthEndGal · 29/10/2018 19:00

Good lord your sister is some kind of stupid!

I hope she listens to the uncle that is an officer, but she sounds like one of those who was born knowing everything and can't be toldHmm

ToftyAC · 29/10/2018 19:01

Your sister is a massive dick. It’s not parenting choices, it’s the fucking law - and for a damn good reason.

81Byerley · 29/10/2018 19:04

I met someone who was involved in an accident when he was travelling at less than 5 mph. He drove a Transit van for British Gas, and he was slowing down ready to turn left. Right next to the junction, just before his turn, was an exit to a pub car park. As he went past, a car came out and hit the front of his van. The two drivers got out to examine the damage. There was so little they had a laugh, shook hands, and got back in their vehicles, and he started to drive away. He was halted by frantic beeping. He went back to see what was the matter. The other man's wife had wound down the window to listen to what was happening. She had their 3 year old daughter on her lap. It was only when her husband got back in they realised their little girl was dead. She didn't have a mark on her, but apparently had hit her head on the dashboard. Tell your sister if she loves her little girl she will never risk her life like that again.

angelfacecuti75 · 29/10/2018 19:10

Tell her "I don't need counselling, it's my responsiblity to make sure she's strapped in properly in a carseat when she is under 14 &me who'd get the fine for her if she wasn't strapped in if we got pulled over by police & its the law. I would be grateful if you didn't text me until you've calmed down as i could do without a fine because your dd can't do as she's told. End of."

lily2403 · 29/10/2018 19:10

@81Byerley

Omg that sent chills down me. I just don’t understand why people wouldn’t strap in when in the car and make sure everyone is as safe as possible

YearOfYouRemember · 29/10/2018 19:12

The OP's sister isn't the only idiot on this thread.

firesuit.

ShellieEllie · 29/10/2018 19:15

Your car, your rules -the law-, end of...

SusieOwl4 · 29/10/2018 19:19

You are right she is wrong. I would not have them in the car end of .

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 29/10/2018 19:32

Your sister is being an absolute twat! Never drive her again if thats her attitude to keeping her child safe. Your not unreasonable in the slightest, she on the other hand though...

notapizzaeater · 29/10/2018 19:34

It's a non negotiable- I used to show my ds the car wouldn't start until the belts where on.

Grace1972 · 29/10/2018 19:38

It sounds like your sister has a personality disorder. Don't ever doubt yourself.

YearOfYouRemember · 29/10/2018 19:40

Bloody hell 81Byerley.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 29/10/2018 19:45

81Byerley Omg that’s heartbreaking. Chilling too. Unfortunately I do have to use a taxi sometimes and the younger one does have to sit on my knee. Never in the front though. What happened to that little girl doesn’t bare thinking about, awful, just terribly sad.

Boulty · 29/10/2018 19:46

Your sister is an idiot. Seatbelts and children's car seats are there for a reason safety… she is putting her child (which I assume she loves) at risk

NotBeforeCoffee · 29/10/2018 19:52

She must regularly drive without her serviced in a car seat.
I can’t believe anyone is this stupid

NotBeforeCoffee · 29/10/2018 19:52

*secured

RandomMess · 29/10/2018 19:57

Thank goodness your Mum sees your sister for what she is really like!

I hope your uncle gets through to your sister and her self righteous stupidity.

purplebunny2012 · 29/10/2018 20:03

I don't need to repeat what everyone else has said. I just find it downright nasty of your sis to say you'd better not crash, then. The accident wasn't your fault! Anything could happen whilst she's being reckless on her child's behalf.
My adult sister is another one who won't put her seatbelt on. Drives me demented she's happy to risk our mum being prosecuted

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