To never drive my sister anywhere again?

[AmandaBuffamonteezi]

I gave my sister and her two year old a lift home last night. My niece is 2 and I put her in my son's car seat which is the right size for her. She immediately started to struggle as I put her in it and cried. I calmly told her it was ok and that we had to wear our seatbelts.

My sister laughed and said "She never stays strapped in in her car seat. She can undo it now so she's probably upset she can't escape."

A bit of backstory, I was in a crash recently and although I have carried on driving I am definitely more aware that you can't control other drivers. Someone went in to the side of my car and then another went in to the back of me. DS was in the car too and thankfully was ok.

To get to my sisters you have to drive along a motorway and a few busier national speed limit roads with busy junctions. We started driving and my niece was still crying. I tried to distract her by putting music on but she kept saying "Out" and reaching for my sister.

She wasn't hysterical just a whingey type of cry. My sister then said "I can't leave her to cry. I'll loosen the straps so she can get her arms out." I told her not to because then she wouldn't be in properly and she could get hurt in an accident or if I had to slam on suddenly. At this point we were already on the motorway and this particular stretch has no hard shoulder. My sister then said "Ok I'll get her out and hold her then." Despite me saying no she did it anyway and I couldn't pull over or do anything. I told her how irresponsible it was but my sister just laughed and said "You'd better make sure you don't crash then."

As soon as I could I pulled over and told her to put her back in the seat. At no point did I shout or make a scene despite my sister raising her voice and using a few choice words. I refused to go until she did. She eventually did but then of course my niece was even more upset and was crying louder than before.

When I got home I had a nasty text from my sister saying that I am clearly in need of help following my accident because I overreacted and accusing me of being a judgemental bitch criticising her choices. She also said that I have no right to tell her how to parent her children.

I haven't replied but can someone please tell me if I've overreacted or if I was being unreasonable?

Is your sister usually dim? I just don't see how she can possibly think she knows better about what happens to children in car crashes than all those experts who've done endless trials, and all those unfortunate emergency services personnel who've had to sort out the consequences when children aren't properly secured.

My sister is a well known "exaggerator."

If someone asks her something she will retell the story as if they demanded an answer, if someone knocks in to her by accident she will swear they singled her out and tackled her, she had a dramatic hair style change and I said something along the lines of it suited her and from that she told everyone that I told her how bad her old style was, her friend commented on how natural her makeup was and she retold the story as if her friend had implied she looked like crap.

She did take driving lessons years ago but quit because the instructor "roared" at her. She used someone who I took lessons off after passing my test and not driving for a while and he never even raised his voice, not even when I accidentally turned down a one way street and nearly crashed 

I'm the youngest of my siblings and she always tries to act as if she knows best or take control of family events so perhaps she's annoyed that I called her out on something I clearly know more about?

There may also be a bit of jealousy because of my relationship with her eldest daughter. She often stays here and asked if she could go to a secondary school near here and live with us during the week. We've always been close and she tends to treat her more like a little sister than daughter so they constantly argue and bicker. There was an incident over half term where my eldest niece was out with friends and ended up in a situation so she called me for help, despite me living over an hour away. So it could be a backlash from that too?

Haven't RTFT but you're definitely NOT BU unlike your feckless sister. Maybe you can find some videos online of even just low impact crashes when kids/people in general aren't strapped in. If that doesn't make her wise up, nothing will.

Your sister is an ignorant and neglectful parent to her poor daughter. I don't think your mum helped the situation by humouring her either.

I hope your uncle gives her a good talking to and if that doesn't work I would absolutely get in touch with NSPCC.

I hope everyone calls her out on her exaggeration? Maybe if, every time she does it, people calmly said "No, that didn't happen, did it, it's you exaggerating again", she might learn not to.

I have a friend who used to do this. On one occasion, for various reasons I completely lost my temper with her about it - and I very rarely lose my temper. She didn't do it again; years later, we're still friends and she admits she needed that reality check about her effect on other people.

Your sister must know she's messed up monumentally on this issue.

But she lacks the strength of character needed to admit it or to correct the situation with her DD.

She will probably never learn, even if she is caught and fined. People like her blame anything and everyone else instead of taking responsibility.

I always do call her out on it if I know what happened. Or I will ask her if she's sure it happened that way but she just is convinced she is always right and the victim.

So I'm almost certain you hay if something was to happen when I was driving it would still in her eyes be my fault even though she was the one who didn't strap DN in.

Your sis is going to loose our big style here as not only is she causing family conflict she's also loosing her free lifts!!!

Please send her the link to this thread, she truly needs to read it.

Seriously your sister is a utter beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

God she’s hard work isn’t she? Unfortunately this isn’t something you can brush under the carpet and she’s just going to have to lump it.

I once picked up a friends little boy, I think he was about four at the time, and he was and still is a wilful stubborn little sod. He kept undoing the car seat belt while I was driving along. I had to keep telling him to put it back on but he just sat there sullenly staring at me. In the end I pulled over and yelled at him to do it back up. Little shit. You can imagine the flak I would have got if anything had happened. He goes to my dds school now and he’s still a pain in the arse.

Do we have the same sister in law here. You are perfectly within your right, it's you who gets the ticket not necessarily her. Although an officer may chose to ticket the parent. We were in the a me situation. My SIL unfastened her DS half wayay thru a journey which a wet of the child seat alarm. My husband demanded she put it back on when she didn't he stopped at the first opportunity, which luckily was a service station. She wouldn't listen even then and told him he had no right to dictate how she looked after her child so we left them there. She has never been in our car since and regrets it clearly because now she hints on for a lift and we just say no. She has never admitted she was wrong despite her own mum been in na accident with the same child who at the time was unstrapped and sat on the back seat, thankfully a minor collision but child fell off seat onto the floor and her mum recieved a ticket and points on her licence due to it and a referral to social services in the mix. Even now she couldn't care less. I'd just tell your sister you are not willing to take the risk and if she feels she would rather risk her child's life then put up with a bit of whining then she needs to reconsider her position as a parent.

Fines and points on your license not hers causing your insurance to go up not hers. Would she pay the £1000 and the extra insurance? I think not. She is an idiot

You most definitely did not over react ! Your sister is irresponsible mother and if that's how she has the child in her car that's up to her ! I would not give my sister a lift after that !

As the driver of the car and as a responsible adult you did the right thing!!! Having an accident recently has only highlighted and enforced the important of safety, as we all become complacent at times, but it certainly isn’t cause for counselling as you sister seems to be insinuating.
Child seats are imperative and save lives. Your sister is being childish and irresponsible.
My children have at times hated their car seats but you don’t just get them out mid journey.

Seat belts for children and babies, absolutely non negotiable. It’s the law, you are the driver, the police will not take the ‘wishes’ of a two year old passenger or her mother as a valid excuse.

Someone once drove into my car while I was stationary. Our seat belts saved me and the children in the car being thrown through the window. Even my dog has a seatbelt!

Hope it all resolves positively, but your sister does seem to be rather a drama queen, so am not hopeful!

Someone definitely needs counselling...

You were totally in the right. Your sister is a complete imbecile.

Your sister is an idiot, sorry!

Sounds like a difficult situation that you dealt with very well.

Unpleasant for you but you still did the right thing.

Probably best not to respond to her I suspect ?

Your car, your insurance and your criminal conviction if anything went wrong. As the driver you are responsible for the safety of your passengers. You did the right thing.

Your sister was being an irresponsible bitch. Next time, don’t give her a lift.

I hope everyone calls her out on her exaggeration? Maybe if, every time she does it, people calmly said "No, that didn't happen, did it, it's you exaggerating again" - i have a sister like this too, and this really doesn't help. It doesn't even go in. My sister will tell the story of being on a cruise ship which 'caught fire' in the middle of the Med - it was the standard fire/evac routine talk, which is done within 24 hours of boarding. She'll go on about anything that makes her little life slightly more interesting. I am NC with her.

She's an idiot, and so is your sis, OP. I'd be willing to bet she doesn't listen to a thing your uncle tells her, she will 'know best'.

When your sister is driving she can make her own choices about the child restraints used or lack thereof. As the child is under 14, it is you and not your sister who can prosecuted. Tell her if she doesn't like the law she can drive herself in future. What an idiot! (all of which asssuming you are in the UK!)

she sounds like an attention seeker-one day it comes back to bite her