Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby blues. DP won't compromise on name.

146 replies

CallieNoelle · 26/10/2018 22:27

Currently suffering from baby blues. Feeling down after a rubbish birth and trying to think of a name for our little one. I want to compromise and have two middle names as it means a lot to me to use my dads name. He's said no, he doesn't like it, and no to two middle names as it's unnecessary. If that's how he feels there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, but I'm mourning the idea of using my dads name. It would've been really quite special to me.

How do I move on and forget about using it? I can't even bring myself to try and think of a name for him as I'm so upset I can't use the one I loved.

Am I being silly? Our boy needs a name :(

OP posts:
Orlande · 26/10/2018 22:29

You're not married, so ultimately the baby's name is your choice.

Thehop · 26/10/2018 22:29

Your partner is being completely unreasonable

Are you married?

Original poster
CallieNoelle · 26/10/2018 22:30

@Orlande he'd never forgive me I don't think and it wouldn't feel good to be sneaky and just use something he didn't like...

OP posts:
hiddeneverything · 26/10/2018 22:30

You grew and birthed the baby. Your day so is final.

Thehop · 26/10/2018 22:30

Call baby your dads name? I did. It’s so boring it’s really quite unusual for a child 😂

Haworthia · 26/10/2018 22:31

Middle names are so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so it’s very cruel of your DH to veto one when a) it would mean so much to you and b) you’re not in a good place right now.

Is he an arsehole in other ways right now? Is he supporting you and the baby?

Please speak to someone about the way you’re feeling. I virtually had a complete breakdown due to the traumatic birth of my first child, so I know only too well how you might be feeling. Please make sure you have people around to look after you.

crockofcrackers · 26/10/2018 22:31

Tbh, your partner sounds like a bit of a dick not agreeing to add your dad's name as a MN if it's really important and sentimental to you.

Thehop · 26/10/2018 22:31

Surely a compromise is that you both choose a middle name? I ended up with 3 because my sister also wanted a say! I quite like it x

Theknacktoflying · 26/10/2018 22:31

WTF ... has he so little regard for you and your opinions ...

BretonStripe · 26/10/2018 22:32

You have six weeks to register the name don't you? Can't you forget about middle names for now (assuming it's only been a week or two) and just focus on you and baby getting some rest?

Fwiw my 1st born son has two middle names; one to honour his paternal great grandfather and the other is his mother's maiden name. So both sides included. He's 8 and I don't regret it.

Nothisispatrick · 26/10/2018 22:33

I actually think YABU. You need to agree on something, and it would be a completely hideous thing to go behind his back and use it anyway, I actually can’t believe people are suggesting that.

If you want a name and he doesn’t, and you expect him to give in and agree to it, that is not ‘compromise’. That is not what that word means.

Rednaxela · 26/10/2018 22:33

Wtf? Why does he get the final say on the baby's name? Ridiculous. It took 2 to make the baby, it takes 2 to name the baby. Surely you can see that. Or is there a massive backstory where you're afraid of him losing his rag and being abusive?

cushioncuddle · 26/10/2018 22:34

He wouldn't forgive you for using it - yet you have to be fine with not using it and worse still you're feeling bad that you want to use a name.

I can understand that he doesn't want it as a first name but no compromise for a middle name. This screams controlling behaviour and not caring about your feelings.

Original poster
CallieNoelle · 26/10/2018 22:34

@Nothisispatrick I would never do that. I'm not even thinking about it. I need to let go of the name...

OP posts:
Orlande · 26/10/2018 22:34

You don't need to be sneaky! You have the final say - tell your DP the baby will have your dad's name as a middle name and that's it.

Remember the surname is your choice too.

Original poster
CallieNoelle · 26/10/2018 22:35

@Nothisispatrick the compromise is that we picked a middle name each.

OP posts:
Theknacktoflying · 26/10/2018 22:35

my boy has his paternal grandparent’s name ....just a lovely way to ensure that my FIL is remembered

HotSauceCommittee · 26/10/2018 22:36

He's said no, he doesn't like it, and no to two middle names as it's unnecessary. If that's how he feels there's absolutely nothing I can do about it err, no and fuck off as a rely? He’s not in charge. Hugs, I’m sorry you had a bad time (I did with my first), but you have now proved to yourself that you are strong, you are robust. You have done this huge thing and brought life into the world. No one, not even Daddy, just gets to say “no” to you now, just like that.
You are in charge.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/10/2018 22:36

I can't imagine why any man would be so mean and rigid when their partner had just had his baby. Two middle names? One of them your dads ? As long as he has some input in the first name he's being a dick.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/10/2018 22:36

Is he suggesting an acceptable alternative?

QueenofmyPrinces · 26/10/2018 22:37

And whilst he’s saying no to your dad’s name I bet he’s expecting the baby to have his surname isn’t he??

If the baby’s surname is going to be from his dad’s line then it’s only fair that there is some of your family history in the name too.

(However, please don’t give your baby your partners surname).

No offence but he sounds like an awful man.

missyB1 · 26/10/2018 22:37

The compromise is two middle names, tell him that he’s being totally unreasonable refusing to compromise.
Don’t register the birth until this is resolved. I hope you feel better soon, baby blues are miserable I remember it well.

Branleuse · 26/10/2018 22:38

Youll regret this.
I bet youre giving baby his surname too

flumpybear · 26/10/2018 22:39

He's being unreasonable!

sadkoala · 26/10/2018 22:39

I second Haworthia.

Ignore Nothisispatrick.

Your DP sound like a dick atm. Is he supporting you and baby?

Why does he get the final say?
You carried and gave birth to your beautiful baby and by the sounds of it had a bit of a tough time.
He sounds quite insensitive at best and a controlling asshole at worst.
You know him best.

But as Haworthia mentioned middle names don't really get used much anyway (our DS has 3 as they all meant something to us) so use whatever you want

Hugs to you and hope you're all ok .

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.