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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby blues. DP won't compromise on name.

146 replies

CallieNoelle · 26/10/2018 22:27

Currently suffering from baby blues. Feeling down after a rubbish birth and trying to think of a name for our little one. I want to compromise and have two middle names as it means a lot to me to use my dads name. He's said no, he doesn't like it, and no to two middle names as it's unnecessary. If that's how he feels there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, but I'm mourning the idea of using my dads name. It would've been really quite special to me.

How do I move on and forget about using it? I can't even bring myself to try and think of a name for him as I'm so upset I can't use the one I loved.

Am I being silly? Our boy needs a name :(

OP posts:
Leontine · 27/10/2018 02:12

I don’t get why he’s so against having 2 middle names? It’s not exactly outlandish is it? Plenty of people have more than one middle name, just like plenty of people have double barrelled surnames. It’s not a big deal. It seems a really weird thing to be ‘against’ imo. Confused

I think it’s that he just doesn’t want to use your Dad’s name and is being awkward.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 27/10/2018 04:44

Yes, it's strange that he is so against it. Op perhaps say you really want the child to have a name that reflects your family too, not just his. So the child will either have your father's name as his middle name, or partners last name. Let him choose which.

SharpLily · 27/10/2018 05:09

Show him this thread - if you think his ego can handle it...

Please stand up for yourself here, OP. In a good relationship you don't, dictate, lay down the law and override his wishes and equally he can't do the same to you. If you don't get to make at least some of the choices here then I think it's clear that this is a symptom of a larger problem. Is he always a dick?

kmc1111 · 27/10/2018 05:29

Two middle names is an annoyance in later life, especially if you want to double barrel later. Giving people my full name makes them crack up, it sounds like someone listing their many titles.

FrowningFlamingo · 27/10/2018 05:41

My DH and I both have two middle names and haven't found it an annoyance at all.
I'm with the other posters, your partner isn't King of Baby Names - there's absolutely no reason for him to have final say.

Vampiratequeen · 27/10/2018 06:48

There is nothing wrong with 2 middle names, my DS has 2 middle names. Also you are not being sneaky to put your foot down and say that you carried your DS so you have final say.
Don't let him walk all over you.

beanaseireann · 27/10/2018 09:00

Is there anyone you can talk to in real life about this issue and the fact you don't feel great ?
Is your partner/ dh always so insistent on things being his way, not your way, if you disagree ?
Red flag for me.
You've given birth and you want to honour your Dad and you are not allowed. Shock

userabcname · 27/10/2018 09:05

He sounds like an arsehole. My DS has 2 middle names. I agree with a pp - either your child has your dad's name as a middle name and your partner's surname OR your partner picks the middle name and baby has your surname. That seems a fair compromise.

HappyPunky · 27/10/2018 09:06

Is your last name the same as your dad's last name? If so definitely give your baby that name.
Have you agreed on first and one of the middle names? It does make sense to pick one each.

HermioneWeasley · 27/10/2018 09:13

Agree with others
First name needs to be agreed on (assuming you’re raising him together). Each choose a middle name. Baby gets your surname

ThirdChildFourthPile · 27/10/2018 09:14

So the compromise was picking a middle name each but he said he didn't want two middle names?

How is that even going to work?

auroraboringalice · 27/10/2018 09:16

He's said no, he doesn't like it, and no to two middle names as it's unnecessary

He is unreasonable about the middles names.

Can't believe he would want to add to your stress of a difficult birth by withholding this from you. If I were him, I would compromise further than I had planned to cheer you up!

He sounds unfeeling and cruel.

It doesn't bode well for the hard work of raising a child either if you don't work as a team.

Raydan · 27/10/2018 09:16

Agree with the suggestion of:
Jointly chosen first name
Each choose a middle name
You choose surname

You do not need this nonsense stress right now, or any time. Your DP should feel ashamed for causing all this upset when his priority should be supporting you and making you feel safe and loved. Show him this thread!!

Lots of love to you. I know it's insanely hard right now but it will get easier.Flowers

ADastardlyThing · 27/10/2018 09:17

He sounds great op Hmm

I'm afraid iiwm I'd wait until til registration day and just tell the registrar the middle names are and and just tell dp it meant so much to me I couldn't bear not having it when it came down to it. Let him kick up a childish fuss in front of the registrar. Bet he won't.

HighwayDragon1 · 27/10/2018 09:18

do not give the baby his surname

I cannot stress this enough, you are unmarried DO NOT do it!

Also give him two middle names if you want

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 27/10/2018 09:20

If he's being this much of a twat at time like this and over something so important to you, the prospects for the relationship aren't good, so give the baby your surname (presumably also your dad's) and your partner's surname can be a second middle name.

Blondebakingmumma · 27/10/2018 09:22

Does your husband not like your father’s name?

I’m glad my hubby didn’t push for his dad’s name as I don’t like it.

Does your dad have a middle name that is more preferable to your partner?

I think the baby should have your last name if you are not married

Soubriquet · 27/10/2018 09:22

Is he expecting you to give baby his last name?

If yes, you insist on your dads name as a middle name.

Parker231 · 27/10/2018 09:23

The name is almost irrelevant here. The main issue is that two adults, equal parents to the baby can’t both be sensible about one of many decisions you will have to make about your children. You both need to make a decision - neither overrules the other. If you can’t both come to a compromise, I don’t think your relationship has much future.

OhHolyJesus · 27/10/2018 09:24

Can you double barrel both your surnames? I'd include your dad's name as a middle name. Your Partner is not being very sensitive to your mental state and whilst a name lasts forever your child can choose whether he wants to use it or not.

DS has my dad's name and my MIL maiden name as middle names. I doubt he will use them and he can drop them later if he wants to.

Candlelights2345 · 27/10/2018 09:24

need to let go of the name...

No you do not!! There’s been a few threads recently where posters have not given the child the name they had their heart set on and came to bitterly regret it.
Why does your partner get the final say, a second muddle name is the perfect way to do this. His opinion is no more valid than yours. Please don’t back down on this. Is he controlling in other ways?

seven201 · 27/10/2018 09:27

You gave birth and he won't let you pick one middle name?! What a dick. It's 'just' a middle name and they're often sentimental. My daughter's has my dead mum's middle name - it means everything to me. As an aside I think you should consider the baby having your surname.

Show him this thread. Hopefully he'll realise he's in the wrong. I'm not saying everything should be just your decision, but two middle names is a sensible suggestion for a compromise. He shouldn't be dismissing your wants.

WhiteCat1704 · 27/10/2018 09:27

Agree with everyone else. It is YOUR decision, not his. You are nice enough to include him but ultimately it is up to you.
I sense from your posts that you are afraid of his reaction if you do what you want...It's not right you know? If he makes you tip toe around him he may be abusive...

Also give baby YOUR surname..you can always change it if you get married

Juells · 27/10/2018 09:44

HRTFT because I stalled on this post
I'm not even thinking about it. I need to let go of the name...

You're in training to be a doormat. Your baby, your choice of name.

dworky · 27/10/2018 09:45

he'd never forgive me I don't think and it wouldn't feel good to be sneaky and just use something he didn't like...

Why are his feelings more important than your own?

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