Baby blues. DP won't compromise on name.

[CallieNoelle]

Currently suffering from baby blues. Feeling down after a rubbish birth and trying to think of a name for our little one. I want to compromise and have two middle names as it means a lot to me to use my dads name. He's said no, he doesn't like it, and no to two middle names as it's unnecessary. If that's how he feels there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, but I'm mourning the idea of using my dads name. It would've been really quite special to me.

How do I move on and forget about using it? I can't even bring myself to try and think of a name for him as I'm so upset I can't use the one I loved.

Am I being silly? Our boy needs a name :(

I have two middle names as does one of my brothers. Never been an issue, ever! If forms only ask for one, then fine, I give my first middle name.

Your compromise of one middle name each is entirely reasonable and for him to just veto it is totally unfair, especially as (given his intractability re the middle name) I assume you are using HIS surname.

Yes to what Altiara said at 6.33pm

Congratulations on the birth of your baby

Sorry your partner is being so difficult, he is being completely unreasonable

I suspect his attitude on this is just the tip of the iceberg, so if you’d like more advice on the relationship in general, I suggest you post on the Relationships board as there are lots of wise people who post great advice there.

FWIW I agree with the majority, you really should give the baby your surname.

Your dh is being a dick it’s a middle name I have two middle names and it’s never been an issue ,if it means a lot to you he should allow it... myself and my partner had a big disagreement over which surname my baby would have I was so down and hormonal I agreed with him and let baby have his surname ,months later when I was emotionally stronger I had it changed by deedpoll

So is he choosing first, middle AND last name?

Stand firm. Your baby, your rules.

Fucking hell.

Yup - it is her baby and she does have the final say legally. So I’m not sure what the fucking hell was for? He’s being a dick and they’re not married so she can do whatever she likes. His wants don’t trump hers in this instance.

Totally agree with altiara there is no way he should be choosing all of the child’s names, especially since it means a lot to you and you’ve already compromised.

In fact you have compromised far too much, so he has pounced on your weakness (ie trying to please him!!) and is refusing to be at all reasonable.

Op i really hope you read this

My dp and I jointly chose our ds's name but we disagreed on surnames.
I wanted to hypinate our names together and he wanted his name only.
He bullied me until he got his way.
Our dc was 1 year when he finally realised how cruel he had been, we change his name but his birth certificate will always state only dp's second name.
He knows I will never fully forgive him for everything and he is sorry. But i wish I had stood my ground at the time.

You are entitled to an opinion. You are not being unfair to have a name you feel strongly about.

Give the baby whatever name you want.
To not let you have your dad's name as a middle name is just cruel.
Please don't let him bully you on this you will regret it.
You have 6 weeks to register, take time to decide, my ds would probably have a different name if I hadn't rushed into naming him hours after a traumatic birth.
Ds dad picked his first name, it's a pretty good name but not what I would have chosen if making the decision on my own.
Middle name is my dad's name, there was never any question about that being the middle name.
Surname is exs, biggest regret of my life. I honestly do not know what I was thinking to agree to that. I so wish I had been a feminist 10 years ago.
Any other babies (highly unlikely) will be getting my surname married or not.

Whatever you do, DON'T. GIVE. THE. BABY. HIS. SURNAME.

DH and I agreed on a first name but couldn't decide on a middle name. So our baby boy has two. I don't think it's that unusual. My brother and my DH both have two middle names.

You grew and birthed the baby. Your day so is final

No it isn't, it takes 2 to make a baby, giving birth is a biological process that doesn't give you top trumps. In a normal healthy relationship a compromise is worked out. However the OPs relationship sounds neither normal or healthy if her DP is refusing to let her use her Father's name as a middle name. That's a horrible and cruel thing to do.

He's said no, he doesn't like it, and no to two middle names as it's unnecessary

"As it's unnecessary" is a really limp reason for him to be making you this miserable about a decision which will last a lifetime.

Is the OP coming back? I do hope she's ok.

Is the OP coming back? I do hope she's ok.

I doubt it. Her 'D'P is likely controlling her some more

it’s not your fault he didn’t want to follow tradition by being married to baby’s mother first.

Er, you don't know this is the case at all. He may be keen to marry her and she is holding back. Not all women are frothing at the bit to run down the aisle, you know.

My dd has 2 middle names. My mum's and late MIL's. I thought MIL's was a little old fashioned but never ever said anything to DH, it was fair having both and now I think they both really suit her.

Go register your baby, use your dad's name as the surname if he won't agree to it as a middle name.

What did you decide OP ?

Your OH sounds like a dick.