Baby blues. DP won't compromise on name.

[CallieNoelle]

Currently suffering from baby blues. Feeling down after a rubbish birth and trying to think of a name for our little one. I want to compromise and have two middle names as it means a lot to me to use my dads name. He's said no, he doesn't like it, and no to two middle names as it's unnecessary. If that's how he feels there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, but I'm mourning the idea of using my dads name. It would've been really quite special to me.

How do I move on and forget about using it? I can't even bring myself to try and think of a name for him as I'm so upset I can't use the one I loved.

Am I being silly? Our boy needs a name :(

My son has two middle names, one from each side of the family. They'll probably never be used but it makes us both happy and families too.

Give him two middle names, no one will when know and it will make you and your partner happy.

If you don’t agree with his suggestion then don’t get forced into it. It’s then back to the drawing board. If using your dads name is very important to you then tell him he’s having it as a middle name or first name and he can choose the other?

Give the baby your surname.
Give him your dad's name.
DP gets to choose a middle name.
You both choose a first name together.

He might say no, but you say yes and in this instance you have final say.

Ask him which parent/ancestor he would most like to respect in the naming of the baby. You get one middle name, he gets the other. And the first name should be neutral. Could that work?

You have to put your foot down. If you let him get away with this, you're paving the way for the future. He'll think you're a pushover. Just tell him what the name's going to be (and the surname as well!)

I want to use my dads name as the middle name. Sorry should've made that clear.

We used our Dad's middle names as ds's middle names. Their first names were just too Seventies Garage Mechanic to use even for middle names but their middle names were much more classic. I remember ex H actually phoning me up from work to whine at me because we were putting my Dad's middle name first instead of his dad's middle name. The baby having his family surname wasn't enough obviously. I stood firm but he was such a twat about it. I should have known from that how shit everything would turn out, he was a controlling, bullying arsehole. Be warned OP.

If baby is getting his surname how can he dictate what middle name you can or can't use? Take no shit, it means something to you 

You can call the baby whatever you want! He's your baby, you gave birth to him. I could understand your desire to compromise over a first name, but a second middle name is such a non-issue. Don't let your 'partner' make you unhappy.

Don't know what to do ...

Compromise: give way on your father’s name as middle name and give him you father’s surname as a surname.
Your boyfriend is being a dick.
Remember that you don’t have to register him yet.
What support are you getting for how you’re feeling? Have you been to your GP?

Can you let him choose the first name (as long as is something you can live with) and you get your dads name as the middle one

You've got about six weeks to decide. If the birth was difficult and you're mentioning baby blues I really expect it's likely to be early on. Do you have a first name at least? I would definitely recommend you sit on it for a bit and try to heal and rest and see how you (both) feel in a few days/couple of weeks as you might be better placed to discuss it when you're feeling less shellshocked and the hormones aren't quite so fresh.

Quite shocked people are suggesting you just go for it and name baby what you like - it's not the kind of decision to make when you're in a vulnerable state let alone going behind someone's back.

Just seen you’re not married and you’re giving the baby his surname. I’d definitely use dads name as the middle one.

DP sounds like he isn't listening to you. Your choice is important. Partner prob wants baby to have his surname. He's bullying you. Stand up for what you want.

If you give your boyfriend his own way in everything he's stamping his feet for, never give him your boyfriends surname. It would be a massive mistake.

Compromise with your dad's name as the only middle name?

Stand firm and choose your son’s middle name yourself.

He’s being totally unreasonable - he has said a firm no, but why is he te one who gets to overrule you? He is not offering any compromise at all. If he thinks two middle names are unnecessary then your son can have one middle name - your dad’s name.

He's not the boss of you. That said when I was registered my dad went by himself, he stuck a second middle name in (a family name from his side) on a whim without agreement from my mother. She was a bit peeved but acknowledged that middle names are a bit of a token thing and it's not a big deal. I am not really sure why your partner is making such a fuss about something that's obviously important to you, but he's not being very supportive.

As the child with the two middle names, I also don't think it's a big deal and gave my own children two as well!

I agree with everyone else, he’s being a dick! My DS has both his grandfathers names as middle names, I chose my dads and then DH decided he wanted his dad included too, fine by me! We both agreed on first name.
Yes it needs to be a compromise but I think picking one each is fine! As long as you both agree on the first name no one really cares about middle names anyway!
Oh and I have loads of names (5 in total!)! As does my dad!
Congratulations on your baby and stand your ground!

OP why does he get the final say?? I'm not sure why your feelings about naming your child are less important than your partners.

Especially as you carried and gave birth to him!

If this is a taste of things to come with decision making as a couple I would be concerned. It sounds controlling on his part.

You're not married, so ultimately the baby's name is your choice

It is anyway...married or not.

OP. Tell him that it's your Dad's name or you won't be using DPs surname. OR just choose the names YOU like as he sounds like a dick.

Do you like your dad's name?

If you do, use it.

Don't know what to do ...

What you do, is stand up for yourself, and insist.

What's he going to do if you do that? Hit you? I assume not, so...

It seems you have a bigger problem on your hand than not being able to use a name you quite rightly had your heart set on.

Try insisting - and being just as bull-headed as he is being. Why does he get to be the one?

I hope you're not giving dc your dp's surname?
Too many women do this and then have to live with that piss-take when either the relationship breaks down or the dp won't marry them.
You can always change dc's surname if you do end up marrying.

If you end up marrying and changing surnames, then how is it 'fair' that your dc has no named-link to it's maternal line/heritage?
Upon divorce you could revert to your maiden name but he would not allow your dc's to be changed.

the fair thing to do is have two middle names, your dp is being a twat.