to think these two girls are being neglected. And what do I do?

[Whysoslow]

Two young girls 8 and 5. Live at home with mum and stay with dad for two days a week. Mum lives a very chaotic life which means the girls regularly go to bed late and unwashed. If they get head lice they are not treated as mum thinks the treatments are too harsh and bad for their skin. House is a tip and dirty (cat faeces on floor) The girls don’t have appropriate clothes and shoes for the seasons (walking around in leather boots in boiling weather in the summer due to not having sandals/flip flops, no winter coats etc) clothes are dirty and not changed; they sometimes go to bed in their dirty clothes as she can’t be bothered to wash them or it’s simply too late) The list is endless. The mum just has completely the wrong priorities and to top it all she is going away for a weekend for a friends birthday and will miss her 8 year olds birthday.

All of the above is not due to a lack of money or education.

I feel so sorry for these girls.

I think the feedback from adults raised in such a situation is always the most useful OP

I am hoping some have come on to this thread

The accusations are weird

OP I am guessing is a a
Local parent who has seen this . Maybe their kids are friends . It’s ireelevant she is watching and can see

I would possible start with the school if the SS idea seems too scary . Write to the head of safeguarding

I once wrote a letter to a mum in such a situation . Said I was concerned , that SS could open a shit storm and she was close the a dangerous edge . She probably hated me for it but I don’t regret it as I was very worried for her kids .

Bad things happen when good people do nothing

OP..just make the call..If you are genuinely concerned about these children.I reported someone recently and social services were brilliant.I seriously cannot praise them enough.They became involved when school passed on concerns regarding one of the children,it was someone close to me and I had been having concerns myself for a while.Dirty kids,un fed kids,filthy house,chaotic routines and believe me we tried with the parents,we cleaned their house we bought the kids clothes we tried to intervine at every turn,non of it made a difference..We were all so upset to see the obvious neglect and can I point out there were no factors for this just purely lazy parenting...In the end it could not go on and I told them,the parents cos nobody else would that if they didnt get their act sorted I would make the call to SS..they never believed or didnt really care either way that I would do it but I did...turns out school had done the same so we all got together and fast forward 6 months the change in those children and their parents is amazing.It caused a lot of upset but I was the one who took it all and I am so glad I did...The kids were neglected and I just couldnt stand by anymore...when you know you know and you have to do it...the parents and kids are happier now,they are clean fed into a stable routine and the parents are working with SS to provide this for the kids..the children werent removed but plans were put in place for all of them...I was so ashamed of the parents,still am but they are making huge progress cos social services are not letting them slip back...I wasnt very popular for doing what I did but something needed to be done to protect the kids and I had exhaused all options.I am glad for sticking my nose in .I will never apologize for doing the right thing and I know the kids have and are having a better life now.,.I am still in regular contact with the parents and kids and although its been stressful we are all talking again and rebuilding,they have just about forgiven me but I can live with that! They were too caught up in themselves and not focussed on their children now they are doing the right thing...make the call for the sake of the kids please if your concerns are only motivated by the right reasons...I had to do it with family so it was hard but those kids needed someone to speak out for them...and I am glad I did.SS are still involved but to a lesser degree and its all working out for the best for the whole family.I am glad of the continued help they get and its lovely to see the whole family begin to thrive again...

Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead at the school. You may be giving the final piece in the jigsaw.

It matters how you know because if you know the family professionally you have a duty to report your concerns.
However, if you don't you still have a responsibility to protect these children so if you feel there are safeguarding concerns you must report them ASAP.
I feel for you OP and I hope the girls are ok whatever the outcome.

@Whysoslow

That absolutely sounds like neglect, please contact social services for those little girls.

It sounds like she's struggling. Do you know her well enough to offer to help, maybe do a bit of cleaning/ washing ( if you are Mil) or take some food/ take the kids out while she catches up ( if you're a friend)?

I’m also a CP Social worker and would recommend that this is reported. If you look at your council’s webpage it will tell you what to do if you’re worried about a child.

Children’s services will explore the whole family dynamics and try to understand the life of the two children and see what support can be provided and how well the parents engage.

I would definitely recommend that you refer this and give as much detail as you can.

There’s something malicious about this post. I think you should stay out of it. If the children’s school or immediate family isn’t concerned then there’s certainly no reason for you to be

Dita73 Really, Why do you think that? I get no one needs SS at their door but if everything is ok then there'll be no problem. I am always slightly suspicious of Adults who advise against protecting the DC.

Dita why

Every bloody week we read of horrible things happening
And I always wonder why no one intervened

The problem is this behaviour could escalate - either there is an accident or an untreated illness , or a lost child
Or an abuser joins the family

We canny always assume that others have noticed

There are also many malicious anonymous calls to SS and DWP. It creates unnecessary work and can be very harmful.

I want SS to be investigating real cases where people are genuinely needing help.

I want SS to be investigating real cases where people are genuinely needing help

And as they're the professionals it's best to tell them and let them decide.

As a previous poster asked, how late is 'late'? how messy is messy? I know a number of families who fit some of these criteria but they are happy, loving families. My house is usually messy, and the children don't bath every day but they are certainly well loved and cared for and are thriving. I can imagine the family home I was brought up in fitting some of these criteria too. We were in perpetual chaos, always late, never able to find things etc, but it was a good family upbringing.

Likewise my DS has been flatly refusing to wear a coat or jumper to school and insists on shorts. To look at him going to school in November in a short sleeved shirt and no coat you may think that is somehow neglectful on my part but he is an intelligent boy and it's better he figures out for himself that he wants to wear these things.

Also I am a fully fledged adult and I rarely wear a coat because I am just not that fussed. I don't really have a suitable one even though I have adequate means to get one I never get round to it because I am not that bothered.

I am surprised at the number of posters who think late bedtimes, messiness and inappropriate clothing necessarily mean SS intervention is appropriate. Of course they can be signs of neglect, but there is more than one way to live your life.