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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think these two girls are being neglected. And what do I do?

164 replies

Whysoslow · 26/10/2018 18:15

Two young girls 8 and 5. Live at home with mum and stay with dad for two days a week. Mum lives a very chaotic life which means the girls regularly go to bed late and unwashed. If they get head lice they are not treated as mum thinks the treatments are too harsh and bad for their skin. House is a tip and dirty (cat faeces on floor) The girls don’t have appropriate clothes and shoes for the seasons (walking around in leather boots in boiling weather in the summer due to not having sandals/flip flops, no winter coats etc) clothes are dirty and not changed; they sometimes go to bed in their dirty clothes as she can’t be bothered to wash them or it’s simply too late) The list is endless. The mum just has completely the wrong priorities and to top it all she is going away for a weekend for a friends birthday and will miss her 8 year olds birthday.

All of the above is not due to a lack of money or education.

I feel so sorry for these girls.

OP posts:

universe00 · 26/10/2018 23:34

@Iamtheoneandonly2018 I'm sorry but why is mental health issues a good enough excuse to not buy your kid a winter coat. Sick of people constantly bringing up mental health issues. I have mental health issues and my son has everything and more than what he needs I walk around with no coat and he has the designer one. Stfu with mental health issues

ReanimatedSGB · 27/10/2018 00:11

Actually it is relevant how you know all this. Because you are either close enough to these children to have seen it all first hand, in which case you should perhaps be helping rather than looking down your nose and deciding to grass them up - or you haven't seen it all first hand, have either caught glimpses and made assumptions, or you are sticking your beak in on behalf of someone whose intention is to cause harm rather than to help (this is your new partner's ex, for example, and he is telling you what an evil bitch she is and how she won't let him see the kids...)

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 27/10/2018 01:32

Regardless of whether OP has actual proof of what she writes - I would still pass the information onto SS.Just to be on the safe side.

It is hard to separate fact from fiction - I've heard gossip about acquaintances and can't believe people will just bitch about a bad mum neglecting her child/children but they won't report it so something can be done. Either you believe it and report it or you are just repeating gossip that you don't believe is true.

Santaclarita · 27/10/2018 11:12

ReanimatedSGB

And if she was the fathers new partner and asked on here if she should offer to help in these circumstances, she'd be told to stop being nosy and keep out of it. She can't win in either situation, but that's not the issue. The issue is there are children living in horrible conditions and there is no one giving a shit about it. So something needs done.

Dotty1970 · 27/10/2018 15:29

Today 00:11ReanimatedSGB

Actually itisrelevant how you know all this. Because you are either close enough to these children to have seen it all first hand, in which case you should perhaps be helping rather than looking down your nose and deciding to grass them up - or you haven't seen it all first hand, have either caught glimpses and made assumptions, or you are sticking your beak in on behalf of someone whose intention is to cause harm rather than to help (this is your new partner's ex, for example, and he is telling you what an evil bitch she is and how she won't let him see the kids...)

THIS ^

Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 27/10/2018 15:40

Angiemum24 · 27/10/2018 17:21

I would report and let them make the decision. I think you can ring then nspcc or use the website.

caringcarer · 27/10/2018 17:39

Those poor little girls need you to speak out to save them OP. Maybe once SS have been around and spoken to Mum and seen state of house themselves they will offer help/support or tell Mum she has set time to make necessary improvements. No excuse for animal excrement on floor or head lice not treated. These girls will smell if left in dirty clothing and stigmatized at school. Other kids will start leaving off party invites and avoiding them. It could take years to build up their confidence and worth again. Do it today OP. Don't know and do nothing. You have a chance to make a difference in these girls lives.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 27/10/2018 17:45

The reality is that for whatever reason, these children are suffering. And as a compassionate human being, you can't ignore it.

Report to SS and let them deal with it.

But those children deserve better.

MacosieAsunter · 27/10/2018 17:47

The Q that I would be chewing over - at 8 and 5 - school would have picked up on this ? But if what you say is first hand witnessed, I would alert SS. They will do bugger all of course.

Hadenoughofallthis · 27/10/2018 18:02

Isn't this just typical fucking Mumsnet all over?
A poster is concerned for the welfare of two young children and asks for advice. What does she get? A shed-load of people accusing her of being a busybody, saying she should mind her own business, she's being judg-y (and why not?), asking if she'd effectively the OW.

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 27/10/2018 18:03

The mother may have mental health issues - that doesnt make it right though

mytieisascarf · 27/10/2018 18:05

in which case you should perhaps be helping rather than looking down your nose and deciding to grass them up

These parents haven't stolen a sweetie from the tuck shop. If what OP is saying is true they are abusing their children. Using terms like "grass them up" is part of the problem that leads to people NOT reporting things like this...which in turn leads to children dying.

It does not matter who the OP is or how she knows - literally all that matters is that the girls are helped.

MatildaTheCat · 27/10/2018 18:06

Definitely report though if the neglect is as obvious as you suggest it’s off the school haven’t picked up on it.

SS are very hot on children’s sleeping arrangements.

They sound as if neither parent is doing very well and they need to do better.

Clairenewbie · 27/10/2018 18:08

CAt poo can cause blindness in kids. Its disease ridden no matter how clean a cat may be. Cat poo is dangerous.
If her house is covered in cat poo ill grass her up myself
Dirty fecker!!

SharpLily · 27/10/2018 18:11

Untidy house - that's often a judgement call and your standards may be excessive

Objecting to animal faeces on the floor is hardly obsessive compulsive about cleaning. It's very bad.

Clairenewbie · 27/10/2018 18:15

I had mental health issues, I had severe depression due to being tormented to hell by a man, I neglected my kids, not by having them in dirty clothes but never checked their heads, months before I noticed they had headlice they were hoaching, now I know people will give me grief for it, I was not myself at all I was at my lowest point, anyway point is, as I was combing through the thousands of headlice their heads were infected and full of sores, yup still guilty about how selfish I was not realising I neglected my kids to get in a state like that.

If someone had called the social on me it would probably have made me recover because I’d have gotten help. Nobody did and I spent months in a fog and my poor kids suffered.
Probably through the mentality of grass up

Sometimes maybe grassing up as it was put does better in long run

MsLexic · 27/10/2018 18:29

I knew a household a bit like this and the kids were mucky but well fed, often had lice yeah, loads of pets. Occasional pet poop on floor is inevitable.Parents used have parties and go to festivals. Kids did not mind. One thing was kids were very well loved despite seemingly daft parenting and actually adored the parents and never really left home. They all got jobs when they grew up and lived together and still do.
Just saying, are you seeing something which is not your personal standard? I remember the kids wore ridiculous clothes like you are describing. They were happy.
Are these children happy? Do they cry a lot? Are they ill a lot?
That is what you need to ask yourself before you go reporting and causing no end of shitstorms

ShannonRockallMalin · 27/10/2018 18:58

MsLexic it’s good that the family you knew ended up OK. But I used to live next door to family in similar circumstances - filthy house, multiple pets, poorly clothed and allowed to roam the street at very young ages. Parents spent a lot of time drinking and smoking weed. Kids always seemed happy and used to play with mine but the oldest was definitely taking on the parenting role.

I realised very quickly that social services were already involved - the parents readily told me - or I would certainly have contacted them because regardless of how happy the kids seemed, they were not being cared for.

In the end the kids were taken into care and the last I heard they were doing well with a foster family.

cupcakedreamer · 27/10/2018 19:02

Racecar, made me get the giggles with that typo!

isittooearlyforgin · 27/10/2018 19:07

In the first instance social services will give help and support so would be a help all round

ToftyAC · 27/10/2018 19:09

The trouble with reporting to SS is that they are a nightmare. But maybe mum does need some support.

HollowTalk · 27/10/2018 19:14

I contacted the NSPCC when I was concerned about neglect. They were very good to talk to and they reported it to SS. However, the person I reported has now moved from the area, presumably with her kids, so I'm not sure what happens then.

candlefloozy · 27/10/2018 19:25

Surely school have picked up on this?! If not then why not? You need to report this

Believeitornot · 27/10/2018 19:30

What does she get? A shed-load of people accusing her of being a busybody, saying she should mind her own business, she's being judg-y (and why not?), asking if she'd effectively the OW

^this

It’s better to do something ie report than not.

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