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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:
Biblio78 · 29/10/2018 08:35

She needs something in the morning, because after 5 was this has started to affect her. Good school to discuss it with you shows they are alert to changes in their pupils.
Think about what you posted-
A breakfast of - a yoghurt
A biscuit
One piece of Fruit
One of the above= less than 300-400 calories
If it's too early for her to eat then why does she not have one of the above in her bag to eat before register or in morning break.
i often find it odd when people say their children do not eat breakfast as I grew up in a house where we often didn't have enough food and the school free school meal was my main meal of the day.
It wasn't enough- not attacking op just something for you to think about.

Ruby55n · 29/10/2018 17:50

You need to get your daughter to the GP and ask for a dietician referral for her. It is now obvious that you haven't a clue about nutrition!

haloumi · 30/10/2018 08:18

YANBU to be pissed off they called you in.

YABU to not consider that they may have genuine concerns, being overweight BUT skipping meals is not a great sign. maybe it's a prompt to consider some changes in your daughters diet?

eddiemairswife · 30/10/2018 18:36

Did she have breakfast this morning?

Sb74 · 30/10/2018 19:24

denary04- you’d be concerned if she was 6?! the op would have her taken off her if she was 6! The mum would be opening a can of worms if she dared argue with the school. I don’t understand why the OP or you even think she is in a strong position to argue with the school on this given the facts we know about. 13 is still a child in the eyes of the law and should be looked after properly. Why wouldn’t you want to look after your child properly anyway. Don’t have them if it’s too much trouble after they start high school! Breakfast should be on the cards.

Sb74 · 30/10/2018 23:16

I think it’s quite concerning the number of people on here that continue to try to justify a child not having breakfast as being ok and that others merely pointing out the facts of child neglect are being accused of being ridiculous?! Since when has it been ok to let a child become ill from not eating properly? Since when has it been ok to ignore signs of potential neglect? We are talking about the welfare of a child here. I’m not an expert on child protection issues but we see too many cases of obvious signs of child neglect being ignored or not followed up leading to more serious outcomes. It concerns me that the OP felt it was her right to post this to decide if she should “let it lie?”; more bothered by the insult from the school rather than her child’s health issues. Maybe the post should have been “how can I help my daughter lose weight and eat better so she doesn’t feel Ill?” The whole situation is ridiculous. The OP should be concerned about the intervention made by the school and doing everything she can to show she is an adequate parent by looking after her daughter properly, not considering having a go at the school. I sincerely hope the OP has listened to the right people on here giving sound advice, not those who think this is all one big joke and boasting about how they got by on a sniff of coffee and drag on a cigarette throughout their teens, so what’s the problem??!!

florenceheadache · 30/10/2018 23:46

well written SB. i'm amazed how great some of the advice on MN is but a huge massive failing is nutritional info. legal board you will get reasonable professional guidance, same on the breast feeding board and home repairs and lots of others too. but anything diet or nutrition related and all the wacky stuff comes out.

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 31/10/2018 04:18

Is it wacky to let my DD choose when she wants to eat? Confused

I make sure she's awake, ask her if I'm making her breakfast, and act accordingly. Occasionally she'll surprise me with a "yes".

Sb74 · 31/10/2018 10:21

It is wacky when it gets to a point that the child is overweight and the school has to call you because your child feels ill from not eating properly and you’re more concerned about the school’s cheek in caring about your child than you are your actual child. Children should not have free rein on how and when they eat. They do not know what is best for them so as parents it’s our duty to advise, educate and encourage children to eat properly. How do people not understand this?

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 31/10/2018 10:31

DD knows exactly what's best for her foodwise. DS1 has known since he was 5 what was best for him foodwise, certainly better than his school. He would have starved to death if he'd listened to them. He learnt very quickly to eat what was good for him.

Sb74 · 31/10/2018 10:53

You’ve obviously done a good job then unlike the OP.

Satsumaeater · 31/10/2018 11:18

I think it's bizarre to categorise a 13 year old not eating breakfast as neglect.

Admittedly my son tries to skip breakfast but if I leave it out for him, he eats it (I am fairly sure he doesn't tip it back into the packet!)

I didn't like eating breakfast as a teenager either, although I can't do without it now.

However, I agree with the people who said that avoiding breakfast is not the way to lose weight. I am fairly sure it has been categorically proven that having breakfast helps you lose weight because you eat less rubbish for the rest of the day.

frogsoup · 31/10/2018 12:06

It really hasn't, Satsumaeater.

Workreturner · 31/10/2018 12:20

categorically proven

Grin
KellyW88 · 31/10/2018 12:53

I could never eat breakfast first thing as a teenager (still can’t now!) and the school calling you in seems a tad excessive if this is the first time it’s made her seem unwell...

That being said breakfast is important but I’m a mid morning eater - I think the suggestions of sending her with some fruit and maybe a low fat yoghurt for her first break would be a good idea, otherwise come lunch time she might over compensate and eat too much or too quickly?

M3lon · 31/10/2018 12:58

I feel like from a purely linguistic point of view its impossible not to eat breakfast. What ever you eat first after waking up is your breakfast...it doesn't matter when it occurs.

I personally can't eat before around 11am. So I just do two meals a day.

TheDowagerCuntess · 31/10/2018 16:34

However, I agree with the people who said that avoiding breakfast is not the way to lose weight. I am fairly sure it has been categorically proven that having breakfast helps you lose weight because you eat less rubbish for the rest of the day.

That's not true.

It's also not to say the (long gone) OP is taking the right approach.

But eating breakfast doesn't necessarily 'help you lose weight because you eat less rubbish for the rest of the day'.

I think the reason there is so much misinformation on food and nutrition threads is because there simply is no 'one size fits all', and people get carried away with what works for them.

It suits some people well to wake up and eat first thing. Great.

But it also doesn't work for a significant cohort of people.

When I eat breakfast, it kick starts my appetite. This isn't unusual. Instead of easily going through until lunch before eating, I'm hungry mid morning. So that's breakfast, and a mid-morning snack that I'd be adding to my daily calorie intake, that I don't want or need. BMI is 21.

I'm not saying that everyone should skip breakfast, or that the OP's daughter might not be better off having it.

But eating breakfast just isn't something that everyone wants or needs to do.

Satsumaeater · 31/10/2018 16:37

Ok fair enough.

And actually I do get the kick-start to my appetite too but I think it has more to do with boredom. If I am at home I will graze during the morning but if I am out and about I won't start to feel hungry again until after about 1pm.

PhilomenaButterfly · 01/11/2018 10:28

I've had to Sb. As I said, the school had no idea what someone who can't digest fat should eat. He takes a synthetic enzyme, even with that he can only digest 75% of all the fat he eats. So everything high fat. When school were pushing "pick the healthy tray", I was pushing "pick the tray with pizza and chips on".

pinkpigworld · 01/08/2019 15:40

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Nanny0gg · 01/08/2019 15:57

9 month-old ZOMBIE thread!!

Youngandfree · 01/08/2019 16:07

@takeastand breakfast is the most important meal!! She should be getting up and eating a good,healthy, filling breakfast and then that would start her metabolism. By doing that she would subconsciously make healthier choices for lunch (body will crave less fat and sugar) and then that in turn will be healthier. You are doing your daughter a MAJOR disservice at the moment!! Nothing will change if you don’t establish a new routine and attitude towards food!!

coconuttelegraph · 01/08/2019 16:11

@pinkpigworld have you not got anything better to do that search ancient discussions to promote your blog?

Jaxhog · 01/08/2019 16:23

YABU Breakfast IS important. Not eating it makes you cram high energy ie. sweet hi carb food to get your metabolism primed. That is probably contributing to her weight problem.

Even a slice of toast is better than nothing.

It's easy to say 'she an individual', but you're doing her no favours teaching her bad habits now.

Butters83 · 01/08/2019 16:23

what on earth has her weight got to do with it? Please unravel toxic diet culture around your daughter and encourage her to eat breakfast, even if its just a yogurt and some fruit.

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