Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

@gwen I have an extremely close link to Spain and I don’t know anyone who goes to bed before 1am. Some restaurants don’t even open till 9pm.

We use our judgment to form a picture of someone. This is a mixture of things. The vibe from someone, our experience, our education and common sense.

I actually am the most empathetic person where I work. I have a lot of time for certain parents. A lot of the time I am called to speak to them as they get a ‘vibe’ from me. Their words, that I actually care. Which I genuinely do. When working with children you must always work above and beyond.

Working with parents like OP is very disheartening.

Also siesta doesn’t mean to sleep. They usually get an extended lunch break, lasting much longer than an hour, which can be used to rest.

When my ASD teen was at school, she hardly ever ate breakfast simply because she couldn't face food in morning.
So I always gave her a cereal bar and fruit to eat when she did become hungry. Occasionally she would eat toast and slurp orange juice whilsr running out door.
I made her school aware of this.

I have never said that I work in a position of power. I said I work very closely with children who are in need. Ones who are neglected or have been abused.
My position is a tricky one and can’t really be explained.
In terms of power in my place of work. Everyone has the same power in ensuring the safety of a child.

beeefcreep Sun 28-Oct-18 09:22:32

@Lostinlondon999 The majority of people on this thread didn't detect a hint of neglect from the wording of the OP.

I'm one of those who did pick up more than a 'hint of neglect' Lost. And I don't think you really even needed to do some massive 'reading into it' or deconstructing of it to see that? OP:

Seemed spectacularly unconcerned as to why DD was ill or even the fact she was ill;
Seemed blind to any possibility of a relationship between the lack of breakfast/fuel and the feeling ill;
She conflated DD not eating breakfast with avoiding the 300-400 calories of that meal, uber clearly raising a red flag about what message she is giving DD about her weight/meal skipping;
She made a 'joke' - in a safeguarding meeting FFS - about DD at least not smoking a joint on the way to school;
She quite genuinely not only thought the school were OOO for their concern, but was perfectly seriously asking if she should 'let it lie' (eh?) or 'speak to them about it' (that would have been an interesting convo to be fly on the wall for!)
She then mocked the school for doing it's, y'know, job in terms of duty of care.

Collectively, I'd say it was pretty clear that OP didn't/doesn't have any sense of child centric focus; absolutely is risking an ED for DD; has very screwed up thinking vis weight management; has zero respect for the school; doesn't understand the safeguarding process at all; and has buggered off as she didn't get the unanimous 'ah hun, they didn't do that did they ??' response it looks like she was after.

I repeat, schools don't do this stuff for shit n' giggles - it takes time and effort and care. I don't think this single incident is why a safeguarding meeting was hastily convened and agree with the many PPs who were surprised at school doing this about 'just' one missed breakfast. Patently the school already had concerns or else it would just have been the phone call. But it wasn't, it was more than that, a swiftly convened safeguarding meeting with all relevant members of staff inc. safeguarding member ergo it is not a stretch for PPs to be registering that fact, that's not 'speculation', it's (IE that there is more going on than just this one missed breakfast/feeling ill one day) fact.

Anyway, OP has clearly buggered off now and thread is a bit of an echo chamber. It's sad she didn't stick around as clearly something is amiss with DD. Could be something to do with weight and self-esteem since starting senior school or maybe even God forbid that she's pregnant - who knows? More importantly, who cares? As it's clear the school do, but OP not so much. And it's that that is both sad for DD, and also a bit of a piss take of the school's genuine care and their legal obligations vis safeguarding.

I actually am the most empathetic person where I work

@Lostinlondon999

And the OP's daughter is now possibly pregnant. This thread ought to be given some kind of award for the most ridiculous responses ever given to a 'meh' AIBU.

This thread is batshit, but incredibly entertaining. I haven't eaten breakfast, with a few exceptions, for about 30 years. I find it shit. Can't abide food until I've been awake a few hours. Never had a problem with weight. Some people don't like breakfast. In the past, a lot of people did stuff for a couple of hours in the morning, even some pretty hard work, before breaking their fast. Seemed to work well.

@priscilla professionals working with children agree. If you choose to ignore the advice of professionals then that is up to you.

There has been some very important FACTUAL information on this thread that you choose to ignore. That’s your perogative.

By your useless responses I can see that you do not understand our education system and have never worked with children, let alone the vulnerable.

You’re just as bad as OP, ignoring professional advice.

Sorry but she needs to be up earlier then! Seriously - she cant grab a banana or breakfast smoothie before she leaves!? Kids dont work on no fuel. Cut the calories from elsewhere and put back breakfast!

My son is 13, has to get the bus just after 7am. He has either porridge with sultanas, cinnamon and almonds, peanut butter and banana on toast with a smoothie (either kale and pineapple which he loves or banana honey oats and milk) or eggs and toast if im organised. My 6yr old is the same but wont touch smoothies. Even if we are seriously late i slap peanut butter and banana in a breakfast sandwich to eat on the run.

She's going over 12 hrs with no food, you can't learn well like that! Smaller portions more often is what she needs. Skipping breakfast is also actually a huge reason people put on weight and makes you crave high sugar food for fast energy.

School have to deal with kids all day every day, being teenagers that is hard anyway, but moody, faint and unable to concentrate purely through no breakfast makes it even harder. As a parent you need to feed your kid before school!

Like I said before @priscilla I can’t be empathetic when OP is so unsupportive.
I reserve that for the ones who want the support. It’s a two way street. If they are unsupportive then it will be referred elsewhere.

@Lostinlondon999 Um... how am I "ignoring professional advice", exactly? I think this thread is bonkers all round. I was interested to read that your DC being bitten in your own home by another DC warranted a safeguarding form, though. I wonder how many safeguarding forms would now need to be filled in at the NCT coffee mornings I used to take my (then) toddlers to. There was always some rumpus or another, but generally sorted out by sensible and attentive parents, not by form-filling.

BTW, I have worked with children!

@priscilla when forms are completed, you aren’t aware. We don’t say, oh by the way we wrote a safeguarding form on your child this morning.

I was aware one was written on my son as he attended the setting where I worked.

The answer is yes, sometimes I feel like I spend half my life filling them out. I put that down to working in a very deprived area so we have a higher level of concern.

The advice i am talking about is one from nhs staff, teacher and op who work with CIN. They have all said that not eating breakfast would be raised as a safeguarding concern.

Once again I really can’t keep repeating that this is not my protocol.

*pp who work with CIN

@priscilla not all schools record using forms. This is quite outdated. They tend to log it on their internal system. Should take all of a couple of minutes to complete.

Also there has been an update in the safeguarding legislation which took effect on sep 2018.

It's a very bonkers thread, Priscilla. OMG, NO BREAKFAST?! The sky is falling! NEGLECT, ARMAGEDDON, GUARANTEED LIFETIME OF MISERY!

Next we'll have how bananas are nothing but sugar sticks akin to gobbling a bag of Haribo as a meal. And, well, where's the protein?

Yep, there you have it, folks! Councils cutting back care left, right and centre, but if your kid doesn't eat breakfast, the big guns will come out after you!

@alldonttalk OMG OMG OMG what are we going to do? People protecting children, never. How absurd that we try and protect children from abuse and neglect. It’s tertivke isn’t it?

If you aren’t going to read don’t bother commenting.

A lot of cases of abuse and neglect start from the admission of not eating breakfast. FACT.

One occasion of not eating breakfast would be logged but nothing will come from it. It will be the child who is constantly missing breakfast, along with other factors, such as missing school and being unkempt. All these factors alone mean nothing, but together they build a bigger picture.

If you aren’t going to read don’t bother commenting.

I'm afraid that's not for you to dictate, dear, but please, carry on. This is incredibly entertaining reading.

donttalkallatonce, there was indeed once a serious thread on here about bananas being the cause of obesity/tooth decay/malnutrition/Brexit/nuclear war. Even that thread, though, was not quite as batshit as this one.

I'd like to think you're joking, Priscilla, but there's also a thread right now about eating only fruit for lunch in which one poster has stated that sugar goes straight for the belly and sticks there as fat. That one's funny, too, but not as batshit as this one.

@dontalltalkatonce

@donttalk just an educated suggestion darling. Why comment if you can’t begin to understand?