Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

[takeastand]

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

Mandarine made her views on eating breakfast very clear. OP did engage with the school but that engagement has now turned onto propaganda about the benefit of eating breakfast and that's when she's opted to disengage and I don't blame her.

Reminds me of the time my teen told the school she was hungry and hadn’t had breakfast because ‘there was no food in the house’! The teacher gave her her own food and then I got a call.

I had to explain there was plenty of food for breakfast in the house that day and my teen had turned her nose up at the options and chosen to go without!

I'm back to make the observation I made in my previous post and because this comes up on my threads I'm On. But surely you must have bored yourself almost into a coma with the things you have said over and over again on this thread?

@swingofthings the latest discussion is more on the mothers attitude towards her daughter.

@tumbleweed I had the same conversation last week. Child x said there was no food in the house and mum does not feed her breakfast and also mum refused to give her cake that morning. Child x came to me because they were hungry. I asked child x if they had milk in the house, they said yes, I said did you have bread, they said yes, I asked if there was cereal, they answered yes. I explained there was food in the house but that you are choosing not to eat it. This is a child on the CIN register. I wrote a safeguarding form and handed it over.
I always make sure the positives are also passed on to the safeguarding team.

@A580 yes, mainly due to the mocking of a procedure that saves lives.

Most 13 years old cannot really make a calculated decision based on her true bodily needs. She maybe too sleepy to get up early enough. She may need more time getting ready to go to school. Maybe she cannot think about what happens 2 hours later if she skipped her breakfast. Or she has eaten too late last night so her body hasn't digested everything enough to feel hungry for breakfast.
Truth is, people wouldn't thrive without energy, especially growing children.

Mandarine DD 11 can't eat breakfast before 11. Trying to "encourage" her would just upset her. Secondary school will be better because they sell snacks at first break, so that will be her breakfast.

Or maybe eating that early makes her feel nauseous? In common with a whole load of other people.

Feeling faint was always hormonal for me ... or related to pain rarely.

Ferrier when you say hormonal do you mean your period, or just a general body change at that age?

Surely both of the above require more nutrients, hence why we crave more or eat more during these times?

OP never mentioned anything about it being hormonal.

Honestly, I rarely eat breakfast because as you say it makes me feel nauseous. But I find this only happens when I eat my dinner late. But I am an adult who makes their own choice, mostly bad ones.

If OP wasn’t concerned about her DD weight then why would it have any relevance to her post?

Tumbleweed that's similar to school telling SS that I sent DS1 to school without breakfast on a regular basis. What actually happened was that he has cystic fibrosis, he didn't feel hungry in the morning because of it, every morning I'd offer him breakfast, if he said no I'd make him up a Build Up, he'd drink about 1/3 of it.

Everyone on here who is arguing against breakfast have ALL encouraged their children to eat at some point. OP has not, surely you can see this, ‘I don’t encourage it’ because she thinks that I’m some way it will be beneficial towards her losing weight?

Then when she was given advice she was angered by it and chose MN to bash the teachers about their advice?

Why has it only been the past 5 weeks that her DD has skipped breakfast? Shouldn’t that question be key to this argument?

The daughter is overweight as she’s letting herself get too hungry and then binge eating to cope with it.

Breakfast will help her weight loss and not hinder it,

By keeping her blood sugar even she is less likely to binge eat at lunchtime and later because her body won’t feel the need for it.

“And Heaven help anyone who tries to make a light-hearted remark (along the lines of the OP's remark about weed).”

Just to pick up on this. My DS is at a London Independent which has a very clear zero tolerance policy towards drugs.

If I had gone in to the school and made that “lighthearted comment” they would want to know immediately who, when and where and I would most definitely have made myself into a witness in the investigation that would no doubt ensue.

Only a few months ago, seven Year 9 pupils were expelled for possession of weed. As I understand it, they didn’t even bring it onto the premises or smoke it, but were known to have taken it from someone in a local park.

I feel very sorry for these children on an individual level because they wouldn’t have realised the implications of what they were doing. However, I understand the school’s position too and that if you make exceptions, you open the floodgates. So no, I don’t think a “”lighthearted comment” about drugs in a school context would be particularly hilarious.

Lostinlondon I haven't. DD doesn't want breakfast, can't eat breakfast, encouraging would be seen as nagging. With DS1, I wasn't encouraging, I was asking, as it changed from day to day.

@Lostinlondon999 presumably because that's when the school term started?

The majority of people on this thread didn't detect a hint of neglect from the wording of the OP. You have turned this into an objective truth, it's absolutely nuts.

So if this were real life you would set up a case file based on the OPs scenario of not offering her 13 year old daughter breakfast for 5 weeks? Because that's really all the OP has said. Stop wasting public money.

I don’t think the OP is here anymore....

So continuing to quote what she or didn’t say and criticising her parenting skills, is falling on deaf ears.

Give it up. She’s gone.

@philenomena your DD is having breakfast at 11. There are many factors at play. How long has your DD skipped breakfast? Is your DD overweight? Does she binge later on in the day?

I think your case and OP daughter is very different. Her DD began gaining weight at the start of secondary and she has now begun to skip breakfast for the past 5 weeks.

I have a handful of children who don’t eat breakfast but pop to the corner shop on the way to school and buy a bagful of sweets to consume before school. I know this, their parents do not. When I inform the parents they have no idea, but it still continues as the parent can’t really control what they eat when they leave home. BUT the parents are still supportive and do their upmost to reinforce it.

@beeef actually everyone who works with children on this thread have all said that it would be classed as a safeguarding concern.

What public money? A teacher observes something and they log it. Simple as, no public money wasted. It is also a fact that the school have a safeguarding concern as the OP was brought in to discuss.

Maybe my terminology is confusing people. The term safeguarding can be quite daunting. When in most cases it’s a simple observation logged on file and never seen again as NFA is required.

My son was bitten by another child in my home, this was logged on a safeguarding form but NFA required. In very few cases these small pictures lead onto something much more sinister.

Once again this is not my protocol. This is legislation. It would be an offence for me not to report it. Basic safeguarding training. Not my procedure but the governments.

OP DD has been in secondary for 2-3 years. She’s in year 8 or 9. She began putting on weight 1-2 years ago, and has just begun to skip breakfast in the past 5 weeks? Do you not see a link?

For everyone bashing the fact that it ludicrous to raise a safeguarding concern over a child not eating breakfast. GIVE IT UP!
This is NOT my procedure. This is the law, whether you like it or not!!!!
If you don’t like it take it up with Parliament!
It may seem far fetched but it’s saved many children from abuse or neglect.

I DO NOT MAKE THIS RULE!

DD has always skipped breakfast Lostinlondon, or at least an early breakfast. I've always asked, not encouraged, because if they're not hungry, they're not hungry. I asked before they were old enough to make their own. The only one I make breakfast for is DS2, and he comes in and tells me when he's hungry.

DD's on the 75% percentile for both height and weight Lostinlondon, she has 2 meals a day and doesn't usually want snacks. She eats the same size portions as me.

@philomena asking your child is the exact opposite to what OP is doing.

Is your DD overweight? If not then it’s clearly working for her.

OP DD has just started to skip breakfast after putting on weight. From what OP has told us, it isn’t the norm for her DD to skip breakfast, but has only skipped it in the past 5 weeks.

As people have repeatedly said, individual breakfast habits are not the issue here. It’s the OP’s attitude that aggravated me.

Even the way she describes herself as being “hauled into school” speaks volumes. She wasn’t hauled anywhere. She was called in to collect her DD who was ill.

If you are a school nurse and a 13 year- old comes in, complaining of dizziness, there a certain questions it might occur to you to ask, aren’t there. Fairly high on the list might be, “What have you eaten today?”

The DD herself told the school she hadn’t had breakfast for 5 weeks. The school simply mentioned this to the mother.

The normal response to this would be something along the lines of - “Thankyou for your concern. DD is not a fan of breakfast, but I will discuss this with her and try and find out what she is actually eating and when and if this is having an impact on her energy levels and learning. Thankyou so much for you time and please do let me know if there are any further concerns.”

In the normal sphere, that would be it.

But no, the OP comes on here to drum up support in mocking people who are only trying to do their job. Seriously, what did she expect the nurse to do?

Now on MN, the very basic advice that children of school age should eat some form of breakfast if possible is being hailed as propaganda!

What will it be next - “dinner propaganda?” “Vegetable propaganda” if your DC don’t like veg?

I think my DC probably don’t drink enough water. If they were dizzy or ill and someone suggested it may be because they were dehydrated, should I kick off and accuse them off pedalling pro water “propaganda” and get super defensive and rude? Or would I just say, “Sure, I get them a drink?”

So many excuses and so much whataboutery for what is essentially obtuse, defensive behaviour as set out in the OP.

"In Spain they may eat around 9-10 but they also are quite active and stay awake quite late compared to the UK. "

I don't agree that they go to bed that much later than in the UK. I also don't agree that all Spanish people have siestas. Plenty of people who work don't have one. Even those people in the south who have a few hours for lunch in the summer don't all have time to have a siesta.

"Firstly, you have misunderstood what I meant by vibe and feeling. This is what us humans feel on a daily basis. You build a picture from someone’s body language, their expressions and the language they use. "

Yes, but if you are in a position of power you shouldn't make your decisions based on this kind of thing as it could very well be your own personal prejudice.