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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hauled into school because dd had no breakfast

910 replies

takeastand · 25/10/2018 19:11

Got called into school as dd(13) felt unwell and it transpired she hadn't eaten. I don't encourage her to eat breakfast although I don't stop her - she rarely gets up early enough to eat it during the week. I honestly thought the school would be sensible about this but what an absolute waste of everyone's time. I thought once I explained that she wasn't neglected or malnourished we could go on our way. Instead a load of hand wringing, unsubstantiated and unscientific bollocks about how important breakfast is and how clearly this is the reason dd felt light headed, even though she hasn't eaten breakfast before school the entire five weeks and this is the first day she has felt unwell.

For context - she is overweight. I'm not going to force another 300-400 calories that she doesn't desire or need at the only point of the day that she doesn't seem to be starving hungry! I make her a cup of tea each morning, she drinks plenty of water. Her house is first for lunch so she eats at 12ish!

It's half term next week and I'm not sure whether I should say anything to the school tomorrow or just let it lie.

OP posts:
Fridaydreamer · 25/10/2018 19:25

Ugh I hate breakfast so I can relate. I can’t eat until I’ve been up 2-3 hours which for a teen would be hard before school.

I think people should accept that not everyone’s eating patterns are the same and whilst a good breakfast is great, it’s not essential.

DD (12yo year 8) is like me and rarely eats as soon as she’s up. She now often has a yogurt for breakfast or a yogurt drink. It’s a compromise she can tolerate as it’s less ‘foody’ than traditional breakfasts. Perhaps worth a try for your DD?

As for school, knowing me I’d probably put an email together to the pastoral lead and HT to reiterate that not all children are the same and that at 13 your DD cannot be forced to eat a meal she doesn’t want but that she eats well at other times and that she has access to breakfast if she chooses it. I’d also send her in with healthy snacks for break time too, just in case.

Ethelswith · 25/10/2018 19:26

I think it's Ok RL skip breakfast, provided you thrive on that rhythms. I do, as does one of my DC. But not the others in the family.

As your DD complained of feeling ill in school, it's entirely reasonable that they looked in to what is going on. Skipping breakfast might not suit your DD that well after all.

Have an open mind, and try a week with a light, healthy breakfast (maybe just fruit?) and see how it goes?

Fireandflames666 · 25/10/2018 19:26

Can't eat in the morning at all, if I do eat then I feel bloated and sick all day.

NoLeslie · 25/10/2018 19:27

I have never been a breakfast eater and my teenager takes after me. I feel like I'm letting him down by not making him eat. I feel a bit better reading this.

Pebblespony · 25/10/2018 19:28

If it's making her unwell then they were right to be concerned. Perhaps they thought she might be crash dieting? Nearly every healthy eating plan recommends eating breakfast if you want to lose weight.

Hopoindown31 · 25/10/2018 19:29

Think the school is overreacting but breakfast is very much not the meal to skip. Skipping breakfast encourages your body's metabolism to enter starvation mode and start metabolising proteins (muscle) and when you then subsequently eat, fat storage is maximised. It can also encourage overeating at other meals and excessive snacking.

Hoppinggreen · 25/10/2018 19:29

Sameness as a few other people I can’t eat until I’ve been up a few hours and dd (13) is the same. She takes a snack to eat when she feels able to

BewareOfDragons · 25/10/2018 19:31

I never ate breakfast in high school. And I don't eat it now. Just can't. Nauseous at the very idea most mornings. I eat a 'breakfasty' type snack around 11am...

ferrier · 25/10/2018 19:31

YABU breakfast is important and it's not unsubstantiated.
If it wasn't important why was she feeling unwell

Actually there's evidence now that this is all poppycock. Regardless there are very many people who manage perfectly well without ever eating breakfast .... I'm on of them.

Strange though it may seem, there are a few other reasons that someone may be feeling unwell that are nothing to do with eating breakfast or not. Although for me, feeling unwell would be a symptom that I had eaten breakfast!

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 25/10/2018 19:32

OP, people who don't eat breakfast tend to be more likely to be overweight. They compensate too much for the lost calories later in the day.

Skipping meals in not the way to control her weight. So I can see the school's point.

QueenDoria · 25/10/2018 19:32

You might think it was wasting time but if you go down to many school medical room/welfare offices at about 19am they will pretty much all have visitors in the shape of teenage girls with headaches/feeling sick/dizzy etc. Most of them will not have had breakfast.
Just think about how many learning hours are wasted.
If she doesn't have time for breakfast, she needs to go to bed earlier, get up, go for a jog, then have some breakfast. I guarantee that'll kick start her weight loss programme.
Good luck!!

TSSDNCOP · 25/10/2018 19:33

Cutting breakfast will not help her lose weight.

By lunch I'll wager she's ravenous and chows down on the calorific stuff on offer.

If she can't eat first thing before school, can't she have crackers/apples for morning break?

Im not surprised school were concerned, and I think I would be pleased rather than cheesed at their concern.

riotlady · 25/10/2018 19:33

A good breakfast is beneficial- it gives you energy to start the day, helps regulate blood sugar and there’s evidence to suggest it can prevent or limit weight gain. If she’s hungry and has low blood sugar at lunch time, she’s going to choose calorific sugary things to give herself a boost. If she really can’t eat in the morning, fair enough, but I think yabu to not try and encourage it.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 25/10/2018 19:34

I can't do breakfast, can't face eating until 11am at least. At secondary school my mum would make sure I had something like hot chocolate or a yoghurt drink before school and I was always fine until lunch, so maybe try something like that?

FastWindow · 25/10/2018 19:34

Like wonder I think the school have a duty of care and if a 13 year old presents ill and tells them they've not eaten, that's the first course of action from a first aid standpoint ie low blood sugar.

How overweight is she, honestly?

She might also be starting periods, which overweight children often do earlier. That'll use up a lot of energy.

OlennasWimple · 25/10/2018 19:36

perhaps they were concerned that she is skipping more than just breakfast in order to lose weight - wouldn't be the first teen girl to try that approach, and at least the school are switched on enough to act quickly and let you know their concerns

Geraniumpink · 25/10/2018 19:36

Send her in with a banana in her pocket or something to stop them fussing. It’s not unusual for teenagers not to have breakfast, but it might be nice for her to have something available in case she’s is hungry before lunch.
My DH never has breakfast.

Yogagirl123 · 25/10/2018 19:36

Sounds like school has some concerns.

Of course, you should encourage your dd to eat something for breakfast.

Even if she grabs a cereal bar on the way to school, it will be better for her and easy for you.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 25/10/2018 19:37

I rather thought the statement that “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” came from research funded by the makers of sugary breakfast cereal... and I thought recent research showed that fasting for up to 16 hours is actually quite good for you. Eg 5/2 diet etc.

But I’m sure someone more knowledgable than me will be along in a minute.

headhurtstoomuch · 25/10/2018 19:38

Your argument doesn't make sense. You are banging on about what is healthy and unhealthy and in the same breath said your child is overweight.

Perhaps you need to think that your current approach isn't working and consider what others are saying?

cupofteaandcake · 25/10/2018 19:39

I think it's strange the school called you in, obvs way too much time on their hands. This could have been done with a phone calI, frankly I would be letting them know this.

I agree with others, you can't make your DD eat breakfast but encouraging her to eat something healthy at break time is a good option.

dottycat123 · 25/10/2018 19:39

I did level 3 safeguarding children training yesterday (nhs nurse) children missing breakfast was highlighting as a potential warning flag for neglect. This may be why school reacted as they did.

cupofteaandcake · 25/10/2018 19:41

To me this thread shows how much confusion and misinformation there is re breakfast. Please don't give her a cereal bar, you are giving her basically sugar - the very worst thing.

Lovemusic33 · 25/10/2018 19:43

My 14 year old rarely eats breakfast, I started making her a slice of toast every morning but she often doesn’t eat it, she has access to the canteen at break time and lunch time so often gets a snack at 11am. You can’t really make them eat breakfast, not everyone can eat that early in the morning.

Sugarformyhoney · 25/10/2018 19:43

But ridiculous really. Your dd has food on offer and is plenty old enough to get breakfast herself. School obviously have nothing better to do. Very ott imo
I work in a primary school and even then if the off time kids tell me they haven’t had breakfast I chalk it up to a rushed morning and make them some toast. If it was a regular issue I’d have a chat with the parent to check all was ok xx