AIBU Engaged to DP after 5 months of dating...

[ButterflyRuns]

Hi everyone. My DP and I have been seeing each other since May, and at my 37th birthday party this last weekend he proposed. I know he's the one for me (cliché I know), we've been inseparable and I'm moving in with him in November. We had discussed marriage, and due to my age want to start a family together sooner rather than later, (we both have no children). My family have been very supportive, but my Mum shared concerns that I'm rushing into it too fast and not seeing the full picture because of my desire to have children - I would like to have more than one child with him and start our family soon after our wedding which will be in the summer (hopefully). Has anyone else become engaged quickly and how did those around you react? I know people in my life probably think I'm crazy.

I would have married DH the day I met him. We moved in together after 3 weeks. Took us a bit longer to get engaged but that was more for his family's sake than anything else, we talked about it pretty much from day one. When you know and have no doubts, you know.

LollyPopsApple sorry I should’ve clarified that one - he loves children (nieces and nephews) and wants to have a family but I was the first one to bring it up, and he wasn’t as worried as me before the relationship because he would still be able to become a father at 42, I might not be able to.

LollyPopsApple it’s fine, I know that I need to put a lot of thought into how I handle this and I will hold off for the wedding planning for now as to not let the gorgeous ring on my finger get to my head. That being said, I’m not going to put the ring away or call off the engagement because I’m certain about wanting to marry him, regardless of if it’s in the summer or later. I know that I may sound immature, but I know what I want from our relationship and that he’ll be a great man to marry. Two full seasons makes it sound a bit nuts, but I’m not marrying him tomorrow and we will have lived together for a fair amount of time before we make the life commitment to one another. He has nothing to hide - I made it clear to him early on that I would love to get married, and that I would want to get married before I started a family.

DP is a few years younger than me, btw. He’s 34. So not quite late thirties, LollysPopApple

peachgreen - I love him but I’m not sure I would’ve rushed into it that quickly or people would actually think I’d gone mad, and so would I to be honest. I definitely think an engagement shouldn’t be too short.

if you've comfortably, easily and lovingly had all the big talks and made sure you're on the same page re finances, housework, parenting style, childcare, maternity leave, who is off work if a child is ill etc etc then yes go for it

Advice to not get caught up in wedding planning so soon is good.
My cousin did this, got engaged very quickly, fiancé got caught up in planning her lavish wedding, buying the house etc. Wedding happened and then they got back to reality.

She left after eleven weeks.

we got engaged after 6 months, coming up for 19 years ago - still going strong

I met my current partner at the age of 36 and just knew he was the right person for me - it was completely different from any other relationship I’d been in. We’re not engaged/married (it’s not a priority for us at the moment) but we did start trying for a baby after a year, admittedly age was a factor. We have now been together two and a half years, are still very happy, have never had any doubts and our baby is due in December.

I know someone who was engaged after two weeks and married within three months. They've only been together two years but it seems to be working.

Good old mumsnet and its parallel universe.

'Yeah of course you should very quickly marry this man you met in May this year, and get pregnant by him asap. I mean what could possibly go wrong? Take no notice of the naysayers, they're probably jealous of your wonderful whirlwind romance.. I met and married MY husband within a month of meeting him, and had a baby within a year of getting married.... 27 years later, here we are, still blissfully happy. When it's right, it's right.......'

Meanwhile, in the real world, any woman suggesting she was planning on marrying a man she met only 5 months ago, and getting pregnant as soon as possible by him, would have everyone she knows trying to talk her out of it, telling her she is making a mistake as she hardly knows him, and telling her she's batshit!

As some posters have said, marrying this man so soon after meeting him, and then having a baby really quickly, is a recipe for disaster. A baby is not the easiest thing to cope with, and in a fresh, new relationship, that has not built any real foundations or strength yet, I would not envy either you, OR him.

Not much help I know. But you did ask. Yes it's too soon. You cannot possibly know this man at all. You are still very much in the starry-eyed, Honeymoon phase.

I would be happy to be with him regardless of any infertility issues, because I love him very much and starting a family with him is just another bonus since I was starting to worry it wouldn't happen. It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me because I'd rather be with him than with a guy who's a bad father and partner

In the nicest possible way, OP, you can have no idea that he's not 'a bad partner and father'. You know him as a new boyfriend you've never even lived with. It's not a good base for judging someone as a coparent.

My parents got engaged after 4 months. They’re still married 48 years later.

Not married but we started seeing each other in the May for three weeks until I went home from Uni. Saw each other multiples times across the summer. Moved in together at the start of September and still together nearly 14 years later. Wouldn't change a thing. If it's right, go for it.

I love the logic of the people keep coming on to say it is fine because they or someone they know got married after a few months and they are still together. It's a bit like saying that everyone should cross the road without looking because they did it once and are still alive. Just because someone did it and it worked out okay doesn't mean it is not risky...

I met my now DH on his 20th birthday, couple of months later I drunkenly asked him to marry me he said yes, few weeks later found out I was pregnant and had conceived that night

DD1 was born on his 21st birthday, followed by DD2 15 months later and DD3 3 years later. We've been together 14 years and 3 weeks away from celebrating our 6 year wedding anniversary

Also I don’t think ‘still together’ necessarily equals happy. It’s not that easy to leave a marriage once children are involved.

Me and my DH got engaged after 4 months, my DM and DF weren't very keen, we have been together 11 years now and have 2 kids, it did take us 9 years to get married though as we couldn't afford it.

Go for it 😁😁😁 you only live once! Don’t regret a thing!

Congrats OP!

My Dh proposed after 6 months of dating, but we had a long engagement (2.5 yrs) because I felt I was too young to get married right away (I was 22 when he proposed). We are due to celebrate our 10-year wedding anniversary next year, so these whirlwind engagements can and do work out.

One caveat though, we are childfree by choice, which may have made things easier in a way. I am inclined to agree with a PP that getting engaged/married after a short time and having a baby shortly after that may not be the best idea, especially as you are both still getting to know each other.

DH and I agreed to move in together on our first date and got engaged after 5 months. I was 35, and he was 33. It's our 5th wedding anniversary this month. We'd both been around the block enough times to know when it felt right, and neither of us could be arsed dancing about for years, so we just cracked on. I don't have even one shred of regret.

Had first date in December 1990, got engaged May 1991, bought our first house same year, got married 18 months later.
Still together.
YANBU.

And to quote @QuantumWeatherButterfly, We'd both been around the block enough times to know when it felt right, and neither of us could be arsed dancing about for years, so we just cracked on. I don't have even one shred of regret.

The thing is Op asked for opnions so those of us that did meet and get married quickly are going to post , and of course IRL people get concerned and family and friends think its not going to work, i can only speak for myself but my relationship us still going strong and its been tested!

One of the most important things you can do for your future children is to chose a father for them whose not and abuser or an arsehole. If you know him well enough to be confident about that, go for it. Just dont get too hung up about him being "the one" because its quite common to think that in the early, heady days of a relationship.

Has you sat down and talked about the nitty gritty of child-rearing with him. Whose going to look after them, whose going to bring in money, how are finances and household chores to be divided?