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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Engaged to DP after 5 months of dating...

279 replies

ButterflyRuns · 24/10/2018 23:46

Hi everyone. My DP and I have been seeing each other since May, and at my 37th birthday party this last weekend he proposed. I know he's the one for me (cliché I know), we've been inseparable and I'm moving in with him in November. We had discussed marriage, and due to my age want to start a family together sooner rather than later, (we both have no children). My family have been very supportive, but my Mum shared concerns that I'm rushing into it too fast and not seeing the full picture because of my desire to have children - I would like to have more than one child with him and start our family soon after our wedding which will be in the summer (hopefully). Has anyone else become engaged quickly and how did those around you react? I know people in my life probably think I'm crazy.

OP posts:
DonDrapersOldFashioned · 25/10/2018 09:09

Got together on 11th February (my current bf's bday - I am ashamed!).

Looking at that, i’m not sure it did all work out for KeepServingTheDrinks, butterflysugarbaby. The main body of the post implies that Keep is married to her partner but the ‘current bf’ also implies a string of boyfriends. Not exactly fairytale happy ever after, unless i’ve misread?

confusedmomm · 25/10/2018 09:12

When you know you know. We were engaged after six months and have been together 8 years, married for 5 of those.
Congratulations!

florafawna · 25/10/2018 09:13

Mr Right/Mr Right Now

www.yourtango.com/2015258578/why-you-should-fall-love-mr-right-now-not-mr-right

Tahani · 25/10/2018 09:15

confusedmomm
When you know you know. We were engaged after six months and have been together 8 years, married for 5 of those.

so you didnt marry til after 3 years of being together?
Engagement doesnt really mean much, its the married/DCs that is important

autumnin2winter · 25/10/2018 09:16

We were engaged with the wedding booked within 5 months. I never questioned it and, strangely, neither did anyone around us. Been together 12 years. I questioned my mum about 2 years ago how come she never said it was too quick and she said, it seemed right.
When you know, you know.

MorrisZapp · 25/10/2018 09:20

A comedian recently said that in choosing a life partner, humans should stop looking for shared interests and values. Instead, they should ask their partner if they like a warm or cool bedroom at night, and if they know how to stack a dishwasher.

Said in jest but there's a lot of truth to it. The things that enrage us about our other halves are almost always things we couldn't have known until we'd lived with them long enough to see how they actually do stuff.

Schroedingerscatagain · 25/10/2018 09:26

Congratulations, I’m a firm believer in you just know when it’s right

Dh and I were forced to meet by a relative, he then went on holiday for 2 weeks but we talked everyday

A week later we got engaged and 8 weeks later we got married

Almost a year to the day of our wedding I had our first child and fourteen months later our second

We’ve been married for over 17 years and are still happy and confident in our decisions

We were both in our thirties and ready for the next phase of life which I feel is the key

A number of people around us were less than happy but that was more to do with their life agendas than ours

You only have one life, live itFlowers

RedDwarves · 25/10/2018 09:27

I think it's incredibly unwise to get engaged to someone you've never lived with.

And yes, in any circumstance, 5 months is too soon to be engaged. It is no time at all. You don't know the person you're now prepared to commit to for the rest of your life.

sofato5miles · 25/10/2018 09:30

Fortune favours the brave.

mydogisthebest · 25/10/2018 09:30

When DH and I met he was 23 and I was 25. We met in January, saw each other every day and married in June. We didn't live together first though.

My parents were surprised but perfectly happy. His parents weren't. His mum didn't like the fact I am older. Apparently that's "not normal". She thought I was pregnant and wouldn't believe I wasn't.

We have been married almost 40 years. Still very much in love. Obviously we have had our ups and downs but nothing major, never ever thought about splitting up.

We don't have children though - children can often end a marriage or cause problems.

Amongst our friends, some were engaged for a year, a couple of them engaged for 10 years or longer. They are all divorced. Some of them on 3rd or even 4th marriages

sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch · 25/10/2018 09:32

Go for it! When you know you know. Congratulations.

Amidoingtheright · 25/10/2018 09:35

Met my dh and I was pregnant within 7months (we were young and I was on the pill but still got pregnant on it). Everyone was so worried about how quickly our relationship moved. Within 9 months of meeting we were engaged, living together and had a baby on the way. Still very happily married 15 years later. So when you know you know. I know many people who took their time and are still happily married years later and I know lots of people who got engaged/married quickly and are still together years later.

Bluelonerose · 25/10/2018 09:36

Congratulations op.
I don't want to throw a spanner in the works but that was me and my exh.
By the time I was pregnant (3 months into the relationship) I knew he wasn't the man for me but I tried so hard to make it work coz I felt I couldn't let my dc down.

We were divorced before we were together 3 years and he rarely bothers with his ds.

What I'm saying is if you feel it's right go for it BUT as it is so quick just be prepared that it might not work out as you still don't really know him. Good luck.

TheWiseWomansFear · 25/10/2018 09:37

I mean it really is soon, but DDad proposed to DM after 12 weeks and they were married 25 years.

You're old enough to know what you want and make sure you don't get the advantage taken (ie ring fence any property etc).

Congratulations

StylishMummy · 25/10/2018 09:38

We were engaged and married with a baby on the way within 2 years and absolutely adore each other now, even after the trials of 2 premature babies, job losses and poor health. When you know, you know

Helperout · 25/10/2018 09:39

Op your timelines are very similar to mine. We met in May, engaged in October married the following October and today is our 12th wedding anniversary.
I had been in a number of long term relationships (6 years and 2 x 2 years) and I knew the minute we met that I would marry him.
We were both on the same page in terms of life goals and didn't want to play mind games.
My family was concerned about the speed but the year long engagement, during which we lived with each other really helped.
It hasn't been all plain sailing but we have great respect for each other and work as a team and that will get you through almost anything.
Good luck

contrary13 · 25/10/2018 09:44

My parents married 6 weeks to the day after they met on a blind date. I was born 5 years later - although my mother already had two children, so I guess there was less rush on her part to have another. But yep: 6 weeks to the day...

Neither can quite recall who proposed to who (suspect they were drunk, tbh), a special license had to be got, not to mention leave from their Armed Forces positions to go "home" from the town they were stationed in abroad, and incredulous families had to be told. There were also two confused little boys who had to be explained to that they were getting a new Dad (one of 5 and one of 8). My mother was immediately thought to be pregnant, and had to endure months of questioning from her mother and new-MIL as to when, precisely, she was due (I was the longest human gestation ever, it would seem...). Oh, and the night before the wedding, my mother got horrendously drunk, ran away to the local graveyard, where she dramatically threw herself on top of her late brother's grave (he died at 6 weeks old, from a heart condition, having been in hospital since his late '50s birth)... and when her bridesmaid (the woman who had set her up with my Dad on the blind date 6 weeks earlier) arrived to fetch her back home again, she punched her. Immediate end of friendship, she lost a best friend and gained a husband instead. Oh! And after they'd had a few days honeymoon, she took said new husband with her when she broke off her engagement to DB2's RAF pilot father. Who had known nothing of any of this until it was too late and she'd married my father. Now that was something of a whirlwind (and I have to confess it put me off ever getting married, myself).

Flowers and congratulations to you, OP.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 25/10/2018 09:53

Not me but my parents got engaged after 4 weeks. They have been happily married for over 43 years.

cleanhousewastedlife · 25/10/2018 09:54

Will you be happy to be with him forever even if you can't have children? What if it's male factor infertility? Just something to ponder. I started ttc at your age and we can't have children, but I know I'd rather be childless with him than have children with someone else - that's the right decision for me. But I also met him late and knew very quickly! Hoping it all works out well for you.

HollowTalk · 25/10/2018 10:07

Hate to say this, OP, but what would you do if you found he was infertile?

What would he do if he discovered you were?

Hopefully neither of you are, but it's something to consider. Would you still want to be together?

wildewillow · 25/10/2018 10:26

My mum had her first date with my step dad at Christmas time and was married to him within 6 months. They've been married for 30 years now. If you know you know, don't bother waiting around! Congrats Op!

Tahani · 25/10/2018 10:29

Ignore the moronic "when you know you know" bullshit. What arrangements have you put in place and in writing about finances, childcare etc.? Are you living together and if so are you happy with the current division of household labor and expenses? Does he think all child related expenses will be shared? Answer these questions to your own standards before you procreate. Its no good whinging after if you go in with eyes deliberately shut.

this - yeah things are great at the start, thats why they call it the honeymoon period,

www.rainscourt.com/interesting-statistics/
estimated 42% of marriages ended in Divorce? (sorry missed that off to start)
The majority of divorces in 2016 where a decree absolute was granted, were petitioned by the wife (61%). The most common grounds for divorce was unreasonable behaviour, with 36% of all husbands and 51% of all wives petitioning for divorce on these grounds.

thats nearly HALF of marriages failing, do you really think that most of these didnt think that they knew?

FlippinNora1 · 25/10/2018 10:32

Congratulations Flowers

My mum and dad met and married within 6 months. They are celebrating 50 years next year!

Spend as much time together as possible. Live together, travel, shop, clean the house, cook. Make sure you are compatible to live together and don’t annoy each other (too much!) Then go for it x

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 25/10/2018 10:34

HollowTalk makes a very solemn but a very worthwhile point. If children don’t feature in your future, can you see yourself with him?

The start of my relationship with DH was very fast and we are fortunate that things have worked out and we have been together a long time. However, I am very aware that I think could have just as easily gone very wrong, in fact the odds were more in favour of that. We’ve had bad patches and have worked through them. Long terms relationships aren’t a bed of roses. So yes, my relationship was 0-60 in the blink of an eye and worked out (so far so good, 20+yrs in) but I wouldn’t recommend it to others as an active choice.

Shockers · 25/10/2018 10:34

Congratulations! 🥂

DH and I were engaged after 6 months and married 6 months later.

We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in June and have two teens, plus my 31yr old from my first marriage who adores DH (doesn’t live with us anymore though!).

It can work beautifully if you put the effort in!