AIBU Engaged to DP after 5 months of dating...

[ButterflyRuns]

Hi everyone. My DP and I have been seeing each other since May, and at my 37th birthday party this last weekend he proposed. I know he's the one for me (cliché I know), we've been inseparable and I'm moving in with him in November. We had discussed marriage, and due to my age want to start a family together sooner rather than later, (we both have no children). My family have been very supportive, but my Mum shared concerns that I'm rushing into it too fast and not seeing the full picture because of my desire to have children - I would like to have more than one child with him and start our family soon after our wedding which will be in the summer (hopefully). Has anyone else become engaged quickly and how did those around you react? I know people in my life probably think I'm crazy.

Thank you Rebecca36! It's early days, I'm still set on the nice summer wedding but who knows, I might decide to have a more low key wedding before then.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay too quick for my liking. I have had stuff in my fridge longer than 5 months. I would not even be thinking of living with someone after 21 weeks, let alone marrying him and having a baby with him!

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

Good luck to you, but it would not be for me.

And I am suspecting that your desperation for a baby/body clock ticking loudly is driving this.

There will, of course, be a flurry of tales on here from posters, telling you how they married their husband 3 hours after meeting him, and are still together 50 years later, with 7 kids, 25 grandkids, and 13 great grandkids. And they have had a blissful 50 years!

And others saying their grandparents/parents/great auntie fluff and uncle pickle got wed only 3 weeks after they met, and have had a blissful marriage for 50 to 60 years, with never a cross word between them!

But most people with their feet on the ground will be honest, and say you are moving way too fast.

As has been said, if you were 20 to 28ish, people would be saying 'nooooooo!' But because you are nearly 40, people seem to be encouraging you. And I think that is very wrong. You should not be settling for this man, and rushing to get pregnant before it's too late! That is a recipe for disaster IMO.

I wish you well, and I hope you have a happy ending. But I have to be honest; you are rushing into things waaaaaay too fast.

We didn’t get engaged quickly but, met in August, moved in together in January, April I was pregnant.

We fell in love very quickly, I knew he was the man for me. Before we met I never wanted to marry or have children. We have 2 DC and been married for 7yrs, together for 10.

We have had some really, really awful stuff happen. Stuff that could have ripped our relationship apart, luckily it has made us stronger. (Not cheating or anything like that).

I still get butterflies in my tummy when I know I’m going to see him.

Good luck!

I have nothing to lose, but a lovely husband and children to gain so I may as well go for it.

Absolutely! I am really happy for you! 😁

Met in August, engaged December, bought first home in April. Married 26 years now
I knew I'd marry him within 6 weeks of meeting him

A long engagement or relationship prior to an engagement doesn't necessarily guarantee a long and happy marriage. If it feels right to you, then go for it. Congratulations !!

Start babymaking now. Do NOT wait for the wedding.

My parents met and married within six months. They were madly in love all their lives.

I got engaged after six months and married at two years when I was 24. Marry in haste repent at leisure. We are still together but I regret it.

You never know whether it will work or not. If you would be happy being a divorced single parent if it doesn't work then go for it.

My need to have a child was stronger than my need to leave.

My brother had the perfect relationship and still divorced.

You just don't know.

DP asked me after a week. We got engaged 3 months in, married after 14 months & have just celebrated our 27th Wedding anniversary. We were 28 when we met.

Hi, butterflysugarbaby, I understand that it is very fast moving and I probably am being unreasonable , but I don't know - maybe it's naive of me but I'm a firm believer in going for things when you believe in them.The time feels right, and as you said I am desperate to finally settle down and have children, and you're right that if I was 20 to 28ish I wouldn't get married anywhere nearly as quickly, nor would I even think of it. I guess I never thought that I would be in this position, but I've wasted my 20s and 30s and I don't want to waste the last few years of fertility I have. As I said, he is an amazing man, the best man I've ever been with, and I can't see myself with anyone else. Thank you for being the voice of reason because I completely get it and I know that if it was someone else and I was looking from the outside, I'd probably be wary too.

Fair enough OP, and I hope things work out. It would just not be for me to so it so fast, and I hope you are doing it for the right reasons.

Good luck!

As has been said, if you were 20 to 28ish, people would be saying 'nooooooo!' But because you are nearly 40, people seem to be encouraging you. And I think that is very wrong. You should not be settling for this man, and rushing to get pregnant before it's too late! That is a recipe for disaster IMO.

What do you think about the possibility of not having kids at all even though you've always wanted them when you've met a seemingly perfect guy but you've only just met him. He says he wants what you want.Everything else checks out. The only downside is the length of time you've been together. Surely by that age you both know a bit more what you're after. I really think anybody would be nuts to say no.

To DO it so fast. Not so it so fast (typo!)

As much as I would love to start now AlphaBravo, I think that we should at least be living together for a couple of months and have everything prepared for that kind of thing.

Grenoble124 I agree totally. I think that a marriage can break down and be unsuccessful regardless of how long you were before you got together, and you can work through your problems regardless too. I know some people would say I don't know him well enough, and I'm sure I don't completely but I know that he's a good man and a good boyfriend. My need to have a child is definitely a large part of this but I wouldn't bring a child into the world if I thought I would be raising them in a broken home, because that's how my upbringing was and I wouldn't want to inflict it on a child.

@dickybow321

What do you think about the possibility of not having kids at all even though you've always wanted them when you've met a seemingly perfect guy but you've only just met him. He says he wants what you want. Everything else checks out. The only downside is the length of time you've been together. Surely by that age you both know a bit more what you're after. I really think anybody would be nuts to say no.

I don't even know where to START with that one! ^

Words fail me!

You are rushing and moving very fast because of your age. If you're ok with that then carry on. Plenty of people think they know when they know and then get divorced. Don't rush anymore than you are and why on earth a pp thinks you shouldn't wait for the wedding before you try to get pregnant I don't know. It's been five months. A relationship can vary wildly between how it is at five months and twelve. You are rushing because you are 37. There will be little difference in your ability to get pregnant in two years if you are healthy. Enjoy each other and some holidays! It's proven having children puts strain on a relationship and can make you less happy than before you had them. At least have some good stuff before you do it

You say you are DESPERATE to settle down. That if you were 28 you wouldn't even THINK of getting married so soon. Listen to yourself.

You have time.

DawnFrenchKiss, I agree and I am okay with it, I know that plenty of people say they know but I don't know, I think I need to follow my heart and my heart is with marrying this man I love. I definitely don't want to have a child yet, but I would want to start trying maybe at the tail end of next year. I'm rushing because I'm 37, but the last 5 months have been amazing and I'm sure the months leading up to our wedding will be full of fun memories too, I enjoy his company and everything about him.

*I don't even know where to START with that one! ^ confused

Words fail me!*

I am talking from the pov of someone who has seen lots of friends stand by a boyfriend promising them babies when they had no intention of flowing through with it and then my friends running out of time to have them with anyone else. Every single one cites not having a child, whether through sperm donation or other means, as their main regret in life. I just think you will never regret having kids. You might regret certain relationships though.

Sorry to clarify I didn't mean that I don't know, I mean as in I don't know how I feel about that because I think that I need to follow my heart. I do feel like I know that he's right for me.

Sorry, butterflysugarbaby, but I AM that poster:
Got together on 11th February (my current bf's bday - I am ashamed!). He told me within a week he'd marry me (I thought "bit keen!")
Proposed craply towards the end of the summer.
Married in October.

Anniversary on Sunday - it'll be 23 years.

They haven't all been perfect, and we get things wrong. I am a spectacularly crap wife.
But I don't regret it. (although, I think he often does!)

However, in your case, I think I do get where butterflysugarbaby is coming from... this is about you conceiving a child more than anything else. And I do completely get and understand that. I wish you all the luck and goodwill and congratulations. I hope you get what you are hoping for.

Sounds great! Long term loving relationships can kick in that quickly for sure. But, do keep a separate bank account, separate some savings of your own (openly discussed - it's fine), and if you pay towards the rent / mortgage check your legal status on that (that's a big one). Maintain your other friendships and involve him with your friends and family; but keep seeing them on your own, as well.

I definitely don't want to have a child yet, but I would want to start trying maybe at the tail end of next year. I'm rushing because I'm 37, but the last 5 months have been amazing and I'm sure the months leading up to our wedding will be full of fun memories too, I enjoy his company and everything about

So why the hell are you rushing into marriage then ? I thought it was the kid thing. If not then yes, YABU

ButterflyRuns you do know this is the GOOD bit , don't you?

Everything's supposed to be brilliant in the first year or so. You're in major trouble if it isn't.

Having a child is amazing, and you'll love it to pieces. But it's knackering. It's boring. It fucks your body and your sex drive. It exhausts you. It makes you hate each other. And it's endless.
If you don't have a solid base, then you can't support each other, and doing it alone (although possible) is soooo much harder. This is why some of us are sounding a note of caution. Because whimsical ideas and a notion of romance are all very well, but the reality is somewhat different.
But I really do wish you all the best.

We didn't get engaged right away but we did move in with each other within a month, 20 years later we're still together 
Good luck and congratulations xx