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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Engaged to DP after 5 months of dating...

279 replies

ButterflyRuns · 24/10/2018 23:46

Hi everyone. My DP and I have been seeing each other since May, and at my 37th birthday party this last weekend he proposed. I know he's the one for me (cliché I know), we've been inseparable and I'm moving in with him in November. We had discussed marriage, and due to my age want to start a family together sooner rather than later, (we both have no children). My family have been very supportive, but my Mum shared concerns that I'm rushing into it too fast and not seeing the full picture because of my desire to have children - I would like to have more than one child with him and start our family soon after our wedding which will be in the summer (hopefully). Has anyone else become engaged quickly and how did those around you react? I know people in my life probably think I'm crazy.

OP posts:
Avacadobaby · 25/10/2018 07:28

Engaged after 5 months too but knew he was the 'one' 10 mins after meeting him for the first time. It's so true that when you Know you know. My mum and dad got engaged after 1 week and they've been married 37 years this year. Congratulations OP enjoy this exciting time, I think it's normal your mum shows concern but if you're sure it's the right thing over time she will see that too.

Mamabear4180 · 25/10/2018 07:35

It depends. I would wait at least a couple of years personally but then I don't mind having babies outside of marriage. Ironic really that I consider marriage more of a commitment than babies Blush I guess marriage has all kinds of financial implications and I'd just want to be sure.

However you said yes so congrats! Flowers

CwtchesAreTheBest · 25/10/2018 07:37

I was 36 when I met dh and had just come out of a 16 year marriage ( no kids) that ended due to ow. I was not looking for a serious relationship!!!! We met 3 Jan 04 and just clicked straight away, he was single with his own home, no baggage with kids or exes and we shared a strong Christian faith. I proposed to him on 29th Feb 04 and we married in August. DC 1 was born June O5 and DC 2 in Sept 07.
If you are sure he us the the one, go for it !!!

SchadenfreudeUndeadified · 25/10/2018 07:38

We got engaged after 3 months - we've been married 40 years.

I won't say there's never been a cross word, but I still love the very bones of him, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same about me Grin

theoriginalpineappletart · 25/10/2018 07:39

Six weeks almost 19 years ago. Still very much in love.

Greypaw · 25/10/2018 07:41

My dad has always been firmly in the "when it's the right person, it's easy to know" camp. He proposed to my mum after a few weeks of dating. She never actually answered but waited a year, then they got married. Lasted past their golden anniversary.

I, on the other hand, have also "just known" it's the right person on about, oooh, five occasions and still haven't been right.

DancingForTheDog · 25/10/2018 07:42

I was 22 when I met my DH, he was 26. We moved in together within a month, married within a year. That was nearly 32 years ago and we're still going strong. He's just brought me a cup of tea in bed as he does every day. Our marriage isn't perfect but we're very happy, share a sense of humour and have common goals and beliefs. The years when the children were small were the toughest, sometimes very tough, but now it's just the two of us in the house again we're like we were pre-kids, having a great old time! So as long as you are realistic about marriage and you are both decent, kind people you should be ok. Congratulations! PS I don't think many guests at our wedding thought it would last.

HappyHedgehog247 · 25/10/2018 07:42

I don’t want to rain on your parade. I got engaged and pregnant really quickly. Even quicker than 5 months. It went horribly wrong. Ex became abusive. I didn’t leave at first because of the baby, although should have. I wish you all the best. It’s easy to break off an engagement if needs be. Maybe just give it another few months before you try for a baby?

Hideandgo · 25/10/2018 07:44

There are good guys and there are bad guys. A short dating period makes it harder to spot the bad guys but that doesn’t mean he’s not a good guy. And anyway, even when bad guys show their hand, many women still stay with them anyway. So you do what you want. If he’s a good guy the short time won’t make much of a difference.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 25/10/2018 07:46

Sorry but I'm a cynic to the when you know you know phrase. I don't think rushing into a lifelong commitment is a good idea. I'm divorced though so I'm in the other side where things didn't work out.

thegreylady · 25/10/2018 07:51

We were married 6 months after our first date although we did know one another beforehand. We had 5 teens between us and our 30th anniversary is this year 😀

RedSkyLastNight · 25/10/2018 07:57

There was a thread the other day by a poster who'd moved in with her partner after similar length of time. It turned out he 'd stolen from her. That thread was full of how stupid she was to move him in so quickly and how she didn't really know him..

Of course there will be stories on here from people who moved in very quickly and are still married 20 years later, but it is more likely that you'll move in and decide in a few months that you're not compatible and split up.

I don't know how posters can say "you know when it's right" - why do so many people get divorced if that is the case? So many women end up with abusers?

if you do get married, I'd be careful to keep finances separately straight away and not rush into having children. If you feel you must rush into having children, I think that says that the children are more important than the marriage ...

Thirtyrock39 · 25/10/2018 07:59

We got engaged within 6 months- we are quite impulsive people naturally but was definitely the right decision and still happily married 15 years on

Tahani · 25/10/2018 08:03

if you dont want to start TTC until next year, i dont think you should be thinking about getting married so quickly

do you need to be married before DC? no, not these days

I think you will be masking 'real life' with wedding plans, you're still just getting to know each other - yes its fantastic that a handful of MN-ers knew he was the one, but virtually every relationship i have been in, at the beginning, they were the one.

Ragwort · 25/10/2018 08:04

Personally I think it is a bit soon and you seem to be focusing on the 'engagement', having babies and a summer wedding rather that the actual relationship- but maybe that's me speaking cynically with a divorce and long, but not particularly happy, marriage behind me Grin.
Maybe just concentrate on your relationship and then next year plan a small wedding if you still feel the same way (& I think you are very sensible to get married before having a child for legal and practical reasons).
Genuinely hope it works out for you.

Tahani · 25/10/2018 08:06

also..... (without meaning to be rude, or abrasive) why are you posting here? asking strangers on the internet, if its ok to be engaged and move at the pace you are moving? is this because you have some doubts?

Neolara · 25/10/2018 08:07

We were engaged within a few months and married within a year of meeting. Baby arrived 9 months after wedding. Worked out OK for us. However, lots of people do have the whirlwind romance and it doesn't work out.

I think getting married is fundamental a leap of faith and at some point you just have to jump. Congratulations and good luck.

Tiredmum100 · 25/10/2018 08:10

Firstly congratulations! I got engaged to my Dh after a year of being together, we got married a year later and our first dc was born 8 months later! I would have married him from our first few dates. When you know you know. I was a bit older when I met him (25 so not really) but I had just wasted 6 years of my life on a unhappy relationship so wasn't going to waste any more time. Go for it and be happy. Life is short.

totallyfrusted · 25/10/2018 08:11

I was single with no children at 37.

I’m now 47 with a 9 & 6 year old and very happily married.....my mum was worried to but it really can wok!

X

MintyCedric · 25/10/2018 08:14

Honestly I'd give it at least 6 months of living together before booking a wedding.

You can still be saving towards it so you're ready to go asap if all goes well.

I know age is an issue but I'm not sure 6 months is going to make a huge difference at this point.

My XH and I got engaged quickly but didn't get married for 7 years, during the course of which lived together for a year, split for a few months, got back together, got married and moved in again.

We blamed the initial split on circumstances at the time (I was a full time student and we were working 4 jobs between us to pay the bills). By the time we got married things were more stable financially and we had more time for each other, but ultimately we were an absolute train wreck living together, especially once the added pressure of having a child came in (she's amazing but we had very different approaches to parenting, and well, everything).

I left him nearly 2.5 years ago, now happily divorced and he's moved straight in with someone else Hmm.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 25/10/2018 08:17

When you know you know! No point hanging about, especially if you want a couple of kids, at 37 fertility should still be ok but you are right not to want to hang about...

Congratulations!! Xx

Mammyofasuperbaby · 25/10/2018 08:21

I used to be pretty cynical about whirlwind romances and used to think they are doomed from the start but then it happened to me and I don't think it's necessarily the case.
I met dp in 10th August and were together by 8th September. Pregnant by November and engaged 21st December.
We moved in together 14th February and our DC was born prematurely on 6th June.
We've been through a lot together but it has only strengthened our bond. I think some people are just made for each other just don't take your relationship for granted.
Best of luck op

2isabella2 · 25/10/2018 08:21

We had a very similar timescale to you and had two children quickly after getting married. We have a strong relationship and no regrets, no bumps in the road, i still think he's perfect. I knew within a week or so I wanted to marry him.

As long as you aren't ignoring any red flags, you've talked through hypothetical situations to check you are on the same page and you've met each other's family and friends then I'd go for it. If your mum's only concerns are the amount of time you've been together I think you can dismiss it, but do listen if there's other concerns.

Our immediate families and good friends were all delighted- some extended family weren't so supportive but i really didn't care, it's our decision. My dad said something in his speech about it being so lovely to see how secure we were in our love and commitment for each other.

Congratulations!!

musicposy · 25/10/2018 08:24

DH asked me after 3 weeks, though we'd been close friends for much longer. I knew people would think we were crazy so I said yes, but ask me again properly after 6 months. He did and we married less than a year later. Within two years of meeting we were married with DD1.

Listen to your gut. I'd been out with plenty of people before, including one boyfriend for nearly 4 years but I had no doubt with DH that I would marry him from the very first weeks.

We celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in the spring 😊

Congratulations, OP Flowers

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 25/10/2018 08:25

I think the bit that worries me here is that your mum is concerned. She knows and loves you and perhaps she can see something about your new partner that you can’t? Perhaps this is her gentle way of trying to tell you. If you’re close to your mum and normally trust her judgment in most things, this would be ringing some alarms... but that’s just my opinion.

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