AIBU Engaged to DP after 5 months of dating...

[ButterflyRuns]

Hi everyone. My DP and I have been seeing each other since May, and at my 37th birthday party this last weekend he proposed. I know he's the one for me (cliché I know), we've been inseparable and I'm moving in with him in November. We had discussed marriage, and due to my age want to start a family together sooner rather than later, (we both have no children). My family have been very supportive, but my Mum shared concerns that I'm rushing into it too fast and not seeing the full picture because of my desire to have children - I would like to have more than one child with him and start our family soon after our wedding which will be in the summer (hopefully). Has anyone else become engaged quickly and how did those around you react? I know people in my life probably think I'm crazy.

I got engaged after 5 weeks (I was 28 and DH 29) Married 19 years. My DSis got married 6 month after meeting her DH and married 11 years. Doesn’t make a difference. Some people are together 25 years b4 they get married then they split up.

Engaged and married within 10 months and we lived in two different countries when we met. When you know, you know. Been together 15 years now with 2 dc.

You can have a lovely wedding at short notice you know?

Go for it,my DH proposed within 7 months and we've been together for over 12 years now.

Saying yes was the best thing I ever did!

Congratulations OP

If it feels right, just go with it.

We were engaged within 8 months and married within the year.

That was 4 children and 16 years ago!

Congratulations!!!!

I want to caution you to listen really closely to your inner voice and see if everything really is super-perfect and he’s definitely The One, or if you are papering over/ignoring some stuff that niggles at you because of the biological clock factor.

If you are, it doesn’t mean you should not get married or have kids, because even if the marriage doesn’t work out, you’ll never regret the kids. But if those little niggles are there now, don’t ignore them... just never make a compromise that would mean you’d find it difficult financially or practically to walk away if you felt you needed to.

Don’t move away from your support network, don’t let your career or savings take a “temporary hit” during maternity, don’t leave him in charge of all the important documents, make sure wills and guardianship are locked down, make sure your financial assets are protected. A year or even two is not much time to really get to know anyone before making them the father of your children for life.

I think it's worth the risk. You want children so need to crack on.

One life. Do it!

DH proposed eight months in but officially a year after meeting when we moved in together. An accidental pregnancy after 18 months meant we married two years in. Not so quick but I was only 25 so there was no rush and we didn’t plan to have kids soon. However we did miss out on more couple time and building a stronger foundation. A baby is relentlessly hard work and you loose a lot of freedom unless you have hands on support, which we didn’t. Luckily we stuck it through and it’s almost exactly eleven years ago we met and our kids are older and we’ve been able to reconnect and enjoy more time together.

So go for it but make the most of the time together pre kids. Don’t get carried away with wedding planning, it could cloud your judgement, concentrate on the relationship instead.

When you know, you know.

Congrats, OP! 🥂💍

Congratulations

I do think it’s impossible to truly know someone after 5 months. You’ll have a lot of ‘firsts’ together that will teach you who is truly is (for better or worse) after you’ve already committed to being together forever.

That doesn’t mean it won’t work. It just means it’s more of a risk than waiting would be. But if you’re willing to take the risk, based on what you do know about him, then go for it. It can work out amazingly well, as many PPs show. I think you just need to remember as your relationship continues that you still have a lot to learn about one another.

*who he truly is

I was married 7 months after meeting DH. I’d been engaged before, but things never felt right.

A few raised eyebrows over the quickness of our marriage, but 20 years later, we are still going strong.

We got engaged after 7 months; married the next year, and have been together for 43 years. Go for it!

Listen to ShamelesslyPlacemarking. Excellent post.

Check the soundness of things. Ensure you're not finding yourself giving up things that are important to you becaise 'it's just easier/better (for the relationship)' to do so. If that inner voice speaks, try not to reflexively shush it.

Then go ahead, the essential bits of your security and self protected.

(Marriage happened a couple of years in for us, but the 'this is it' sense as there after a couple of months. So I do get it)

I think you might be rushing into marriage a wee bit, but I think you’re doing the opposite with regard to children - don’t wait till you’re almost 38 ttc your first, especially if you are planning on a second. I had dcs late but it was not without uncertainty and some heartache - I don’t see why you’d wait longer if this is a top priority for you both

You should experience living with the person before agreeing to marry them IMO. Seeing someone for a few hours/weekend is completely different to living together 24/7 with the added stress of housework and expenses.

I do think you've got engaged too soon and you're rushing due to your desire for children.

Congratulations!

We were engaged within a month (both mid thirties then). Twenty years on still going.

The most common reaction at the time was:

Me - I'm getting married!
Them - I didn't even know you had a boyfriend!

(Full on wedding after six months)

Love at first sight, engaged on 3rd date, happily married for over 30 years. It happens, as is clear from this thread, as said above 'when you know, you know'. If it feels right for you, then it probably is right. Why wait? Life is short.

I think the thing which I'd look at closely is his relationship history.

If he's never had a relationship longer than 2 years I think it could be a bad sign that he's someone who enjoys the dizzy/lusty/besotted relationship phase and has never had any experience with the real love and relationship that comes later on.

If he's had a decent LTR at least you know he can make the in love to real love transition once the dopamine wears off

DH and I were engaged and living together after being together 6 months back in 2004 ..still together and very happy

Do you know his family and friends? This was a big must for me. I wanted to see how he got on with his family and how their relationships worked, and what he was like with his friends to work out more about this man I had just met. In both areas he had good relationships and was clearly well loved which reassured me that he was the person I thought.

My auntie and uncle was together 6 weeks before their element this is about 45 years ago and although it hasn't always been an easy life together they've had a lovely happy life. If you know its right go for it

Hmm I do think it's too quick. And for every tale of it working out, there'll be another where it doesn't.

My parents got engaged and were married less than a year after meeting. Over 30 years later they're still together.

But then DP met and got engaged to his now ex-wife after 3 months. They married 14 months later and divorced 18 months after that. And I'm pretty sure his ex was in the when you know, you know camp.

I too got engaged after 3 months and it all fell apart around 18 months later. I think we've both learnt our lesson and would rather take things slow and be as sure as one can be that it's going to work out this time.

If you don't have a solid base, then you can't support each other, and doing it alone (although possible) is soooo much harder.

This ^^