to distance myself from brand new SIL?

[Daddymacjump]

Long-time poster but I've NC because thanks quite identifying to the people who witnessed this and my best friend who I've been on the phone in tears to!

DBro got married today to a woman I'm not too fond of. Not a big deal, I adore my brother and this is who he has chosen to spend his life with so I've always had a "grin and bear it" mentality. She's been quite rude in the past but I honestly try so hard to be nice to her.

(Some of you may remember my post from a couple of years ago about whether I could uninvite her from Christmas day drinks because she had made some extremely insensitive comments about her pregnancy in direct relation to my infertility).

Anyway, today was their long awaited wedding day. Very small wedding, all six of the seven children invited were bridesmaids/page boys (including my nearly 2yo DS) except my DSS. Fine, whatever, grin and bear it. My DS was being very challenging trying to get him to stand still waiting around - it's been a long journey to the wedding, approx 2 days in the car - and he was getting very upset so I gave him a dummy which he usually only has for naps. SIL commented how it was such a shame he's going to have a dummy in all her wedding photos from the service. But fine, grin and bear it.

Then afterwards whilst my DH is taking photos (amateur photographer and obviously doing this for free) I made a joke to DH and SIL. I said "have the camera ready and I'll hop on her back for a photo". She said, in front of half of the guests "Ouch, do that and I'll end up in A&E! Maybe best if it's the other way round and I'll hop on yours " followed by a tinkly laugh.

I'm honestly done. Yes I'm big - a tall size 16 opposed to her small framed size 10. It was clearly a joke I was making. But FFS was it really necessary to point out that if I was to hope on her back I would crush her?!

I'm so done with grinning and bearing it but I really love my brother and don't want to distance myself from him. He wasn't there when she said it and didn't see me go for a little cry afterwards (a stealth cry, which nobody except for my mum and dad noticed) so he has no idea. Rightly so because I do not want drama on his wedding day or following it. What the fuck do I do now? I was nice to her for the remainder of the reception and she did come up and tell me how lovely I looked in my dress, after i had commented how stunning she was in hers. So I know I can be civil and even kind to her, but it is exhausting me!

Honestly, some people seem to spend their lives looking for things to take affront at. Why have a nice peaceful family life where you're all polite to one another and just overlook absurd unintentional slights? Much better to be at daggers drawn and in a state of perpetual strop. Far more exciting.

I get on okay now with my SIL (my BIL's DW), but it has been really tricky in the past. She was one of those women who always got pregnant really quickly, whereas I was struggling with infertility, so that made it difficult for me for a start.

She also dared to tell me that my DH and I shouldn't go through IVF because of the 'spare embryos'. (In the event, there were no embryos anyway, as there was only one immature egg. She was also pushy on the issue of adoption when I wasn't ready to hear it. (We've got 2 adopted DDs now of 9 and 6, so we did do that eventually. But it wasn't her place to push the issue.

Now that we have our DDs and they like to play with their cousins, it's a much easier relationship. We never agree on anything, though. She's very pro Brexit and a conservative evangelical Christian who is completely anti choice. (I'm a Christian, too, but I get that issues can't be black and white the way she sees them.)

But at least she would never be bitchy in the way the OP's SIL appears to be. That comment gloating about how quickly she got pregnant compared to the OP's fertility difficulties was downright nasty.

I think it would be healthier to have a bit less contact with them? I could never cope with seeing my in laws more than 3 or 4 times a year.

It's obvious you dislike your SIL from all the negative things you have said about her. None of her crimes appear to me to be heinous enough to result in you running sobbing to the loo which seems rather an over-reaction.

I'm not really sure what you're wanting from us here...

Some support, obviously

Be polite, but have boundaries