Aibu to tell my daughter to hit a child a school for touching her

[Stressedoutmamma]

My daughter is in reception 5 and is having issues with a boy in her class they have a carpet with pictures on it and they all have a spot the boy next to her is continually touching her, stroking her hair, face and her arms and legs and she has asked him to stop and I have been in and spoken to them about it and it's still happening almost 2 months later. The school don't seem to be doing much about they have spoken to him on several occasions and it hasn't stopped. Aibu to tell her to tell the teacher and if nothing is still done hit him? I Know it's trivial to some but this child is invading her personal space multiple times a day and of this were to happen to an adult I'm sure heads would roll.

For goodness sake do you really think that his parents haven’t tried to fix it. Just speak to the teacher to re-emphasise that your daughter doesn’t like it and take it from there.

This thread is incredibly disturbing when talking about reception/year 1 children considering how young these children actually are.

I’m actually thanking my lucky stars that even though my child has extra needs that this isn’t one of them.

As I indicated previously it is important that you teach your child to protect herself. Of course you must speak to the school and ask for their support but tell you child to move away and keep a metre between herself and this child.

Gottagetmoving

Amazing that this easily solved minor issue, involving FIVE year olds has provoked such dramatic overreaction from adults.

This! It is actually disturbing reading this thread. Yet some claim a 5 year old boy is the scary monster here 😲😧

I'm glad my dd school dealt with her differences and that parents didn't tell their kids to smack her, although she'd have decked them as has been told to fight back. She gave a strapping rugby playing 15 year old boy a black eye and split his lip, so they maybe knew they'd come off worse

If a child is different for whatever reason they need support, not walloping. Coming from a generation when this was acceptable not just from children but teachers too, I know personally what it's like to be bullied for being different, and the lasting damage.
It's sad that after all these years of so called improvements for children with sn, it's come back to smacking them.
People suggesting hitting a small child for being different should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

It's not creepy. DD used to do this. She has sensory issues. Tell the teacher, hopefully they'll find him a soft piece of fabric to stroke.

Philomena

This must be hard reading for you
The little boy who did this in dd class was a junior and a lovely lad, nothing creepy about it at all.
My dd just reported it and said she didn't mind him doing it, but others might not like it.
She looked after him a lot, mentoring him in between lessons sometimes. She received loads of merits for various things to do with him.
They are quite good friends now, and he doesn't do it anymore.
dd knew he had sn and it wasn't normal, but obviously we don't know any details and neither should we.

Stressedout he's not being mean, it's a compulsion.

It's sad that after all these years of so called improvements for children with sn, it's come back to smacking them. sad
People suggesting hitting a small child for being different should be absolutely ashamed of themselves

Indeed. I'm wondering if hitting kids is normal in their households, despite what the smacking threads suggest.

Yanno to be really kind and thinking a bit 'out there', taking in something strokable to give to this kid might just sort everything out without all this aghast. But of course the pitchfork brigade will hoink their bossooms and say why should they.

Wow this thread. I'm teaching my dd to not allow anyone to invade their personal space if they are uncomfortable with it regardless of what scenario they are in.

The school would be moving the boy or I'd be taking it further.

How many boys have little girls with SN stroking their face, arm, hair after repeatedly being told to stop

Stressedout it's not so easy to deal with. I didn't know DD was doing it to other children until I accompanied her class on sports day in yr3. She followed me around stroking my poncho as usual, but I also noticed her doing it to her friends. I told her off every single time. It was a compulsion.

One of my previous posts was deleted....not sure why, but I was blunt about the attitudes on here, towards this boy.
So many posts from gown women suggesting the boy should be hit or that he is 'creepy'...not deleted. Well done MN,
The world's gone mad

Not sure what your actual point there is Roller but there have been a fair few posters on this thread saying their DDs have done similar at school.

Or are you trying to say he's only doing it because he's a boy and it's a girl and CREEPY.

That's lovely Romany. You've done a good job bringing up such a kind and compassionate daughter. Honestly, some of these comments are just making me angry. DD's 11 now, and she's away at the moment, but when she comes back tomorrow I'll tell her about this thread and how unempathetic some adults can be. Her teacher did give her putty in yr3, but she bounced it on the table and distracted other children.

OP I can only assume that you hit your daughter if she repeatedly does something she's been asked not to do. Like five year olds do from time to time. Is this true?

I'm saying PiggyPoos it is fucking creepy for the girl, can we not downplay how she feels ffs. Ok there is a reason the boy wants to do it, but that is not the point for this OP, and it wouldn't be my concern either.

And yes pp have said their dd do this but I've not read a thread started by a parent of any ds in this situation. Just a pile on in this thread saying how the poor girl should suck it up.

My autistic son might have done similar at 5 because he liked the silky feel of long hair,

I would expect teaching staff to separate your DD from this boy and I can tell you right now I’d be straight up the school and complaining if your child clouted mine for what is a fault of managing the situation. I would have severalmwords with you if you’d instructed your DD to react this way,.

It needs managing at the school and not by you telling your child to clout this other 5 yr old. Five years old and you think he should be hit....can you hear yourself condoning assault?

No you tell her to stand up and say in a loud voice, don't touch me, I don't like it, and then go and tell the teacher, EVERY single time. You don't solve problems by hitting.

And yeah as someone said further back. If the child is doing this for sensory reasons then hitting him won’t solve it because finnily enough hitting autistic kids doesn’t cure them.

Just a pile on in this thread saying how the poor girl should suck it up

Who's said she should suck it up?

Some of the replies on this thread are bloody awful. He’s a young child, not a creep or sex pest. He sounds like he has sensory issues - my 4yo does (also probable asd) and he likes stroking hair when he’s getting overwhelmed. We are working on it by giving him objects to stroke instead, but it’s a compulsion so just telling him once (30times) won’t work.

The school are failing to address your daughters needs here. She absolutely has the right to not want to be touched by someone, regardless of what’s going on with them, and they should be taking action to prevent it from happening.

They are also failing to address the needs of this little boy. If he has sensory issues, they need to be dealt with - objects he can fiddle with/stroke, etc.

I’d be horrified if a parent came at me all guns blazing about this. We are working hard to address this at home, but if it’s happening at school and I have no knowledge then how can I be expected to tackle that too? You need to have a proper meeting with the teacher so they take this seriously, and meet the needs of BOTH children.

I’ll tell you now though, if a child hit my DS because of this, he’d hit them right back since he struggles with boundaries and impulse control - again something we’re working bloody hard to address. So what would the next step be there?

Who's said she should suck it up?

Absolutely no one.
Not hitting him must mean 'sucking it up' apparently.....

Gamer a teacher upthead implied she was liar or there was something wrong with the dd for not liking being touched daily.
Another poster called her silly.

There has been lots of posts about how theis isn't a problem. Posters are behaving like the dd is being unkind to not like it. Op should tell her it's because he likes her.
Lots of variations of the above.

It's disturbing. No obviously the dd shouldn't hit the lad. But no one is doing a thing for this little girl. The message her teachers are giving her is she should just give in because he enjoys it.

The teachers know she doesn't like it yet they allow it. She moves she will be in trouble. She shouts she will be in trouble. She hits she will be in trouble. It's a fucking disgrace.

So I can absolutely see why op would be tempted to say just hit him. The adults are not protecting her.

No one is saying the ops little girl should be sucking it up. How ever she should be being taught that there is a massive difference between a five year old boy whose brain works differently to hers and a sinister inappropriate touching

Gamer a quite a few have said deal with it shockingly and I don't smacker her for saying no the naughty step works wonders but I never thought about sensory issues when i started this post as I have never dealt with it and when some continually ignores my daughter wants and teachers are not doing much what am I supposed to think my thought was if he gets a clip round the arm every time it should stop it and as I have said previously I will again have a word with school after the holidays