Who is BU? re wedding guests

[biser]

Wedding in country house hotel. Naice but not amazingly so.

How much would you, as a guest, be prepared to pay for a double room inc breakfast before you start to suspect "woah, I'm being ripped off to subsidise their costs".

Also standard rates don’t normally include breakfast and somewhere nice I’d expect breakfast to be £20 per head

@DexyMidnight

Completely agree with all of your post!

Lots of factors to consider: what I could afford to pay would be biggest factor though, if close family or friend, if other accommodation close by and what price that is, how much i wanted to stay over and be able to party till late. If they had babysitter service so I could put kids up to sleep when tired and I could party on. Don't pay more than you can comfortably afford to.

Why don't you just phone the hotel and ask for the price for one room on a weekend in the same month as the wedding? We can't say who IBU unless we know more details. At the moment I think YABU because it's all based on suppositions. As many of us have said, it's highly unlikely the room would be cheaper at the weekend so I don't know where you got that information from. The room is reasonably priced.

Also, when planning my own wedding, a couple of hotels tried to charge more than the going rate to reserve all of the rooms for our guests!!! We assumed we'd get a discount but the CFs acted as if they were doing us a favour by giving us "free run" of the hotel with no other pesky guests to bother us. Obviously we didn't go with them but it does happen and it's not the B&G pocketing the difference, it's the hotel being a CF.

Why don't you just phone the hotel and ask for the price for one room on a weekend in the same month as the wedding?

They don't do w/e bookings. It's weddings with 100% occupancy or nothing. They have made it so you can't compare.

IMO, that rate sounds reasonable for a country hotel stay inc. breakfast. Weekday stays are significantly cheaper in country hotels, as they desperately need to boost occupancy.

If you think it's too much then just say sorry, it's out of your budget and find somewhere else nearby.

No one is forcing you to stay there, so I think YABU to volley back comments about how they have "a bad attitude towards their guests" and to question the rates with them.

YABU to question the rates with them.

It's still in planning atm. They haven't booked there (or an alternative) yet.

Well if room prices range from £60 to £90 then I wouldn't be expecting to pay more than that tbh.

If the B&G want "exclusivity" then I'd expect them to be paying the extra as part of their wedding costs.

The hotel want 100% occupancy. I have asked B&G what happens if there is a shortfall but they don't know.

The hotel will bill them for any empty rooms. Usually, in order to have exclusive use of the venue, you have to guarantee you will fill all (or a specified number) or the rooms. Generally this is either added to the bill of the wedding and the B&G cover the cost (or ask their guests to pay them direct) or else the guests pay the venue separately and the B&G pay the difference.

Why go for exclusive use?

Why go for exclusive use?

Because some people don’t like strangers in the background of their photos and mingling at the bar etc with their guests during their wedding. It’s personal choice.

Why go for exclusive use?

In this instance it sounds like that's what the hotel demands if you want to use it as a wedding venue. I would suggest to the B+G that they look at other options If they do decide to use this venue then their guests are likely to face pressure to book the rooms due to the hotel expecting 100% occupancy. Another venue would likely not expect this allowing guests the choice of where to stay.

Why go for exclusive use?
It's not B&G's request, it's the hotel insisting on it.

Strangers would not be mingling with guests. You have your own room for the wedding reception. And I have been to many weddings and there have never been strangers in photos. If you don't want strangers around when you go to the toilet, have breakfast or go outside, then the bride and groom should pay for that.
As a guest some of the wedding guests will be strangers anyway, so why would I care about seeing other strangers when going to the toilet?

Okay if a hotel demands that, I would not use them.

I had to pay £275 a night at a wedding of a friend and stay for 2 nights as was part of wedding party!

How many rooms have to be 'sold' for 100% occupancy? Is it a reasonable prospect?

some people don’t like strangers in the background of their photos and mingling at the bar etc with their guests during their wedding

When the FUCK have you been to a wedding where members of the public just hang out at the bar??

I'm going to a wedding in Italy next year (so flights are already costing us upwards of £150 each) and the room is €100 per person, per night. And we have to stay at least 2 nights. I'm fuming.

@ShirleyPhallus personally, never, but when I used to work as a wedding coordinator there were multiple venues where it could be an issue. Usually it depends upon the layout of the venue and some places insist upon exclusive use whereas others are so big they can have several weddings taking place at once. It does happen.

@MaMaMaMySharona

"I'm going to a wedding in Italy next year (so flights are already costing us upwards of £150 each) and the room is €100 per person, per night. And we have to stay at least 2 nights. I'm fuming"

I'm sorry but you can't get annoyed about the cost of flights - the wedding is abroad and unless you want to walk, you'll need to buy plane tickets. That's life.

If 200 euro per night for the room is actually bad value (I'll assume it is, as you are "fuming" about it), then stay somewhere else. If there's nowhere else to stay (at all, or cheaper) then it's not really such a bad deal, that's simple supply and demand!

Honestly people get into such a froth about weddings, i bet you're the kind of guest who says things like "AND we will all need new outfits! And I'll need my hair done!" (you really don't).

If the date, the distance, the cost or any other aspect of a wedding means you won't be able to accept the invite with good grace and enjoy the day for God's sake politely decline and let the poor B and G invite someone else in your place. I've never heard of a couple who've struggled to fill their guest list.

I'm going to a wedding in Italy next year (so flights are already costing us upwards of £150 each) and the room is €100 per person, per night. And we have to stay at least 2 nights. I'm fuming.

SO DON’T GO!

When my son got married, the hotel where we held the reception worked this out.

Bride and groom had the bridal suite FOC.
They then released 10 rooms for close family at £90 per room Inc Breakfast.
The next 10 rooms were £100 Inc breakfast.

I went on line to see how much the rooms were that weekend and they were £130 Inc breakfast.

Having said that, some local guests who hadn't planned on Staying actually booked in and the hotel allowed them to pay £100.

Fantastic hotel, great staff and a wonderful wedding.

DexyMidnight

I'm not that sort of person at all. I just don't think you should make your guests subsidise your wedding (and we do have to stay at that hotel as there is nowhere else nearby, it's a very remote location.)

ShirleyPhallus It's one of my best friends so I do feel as though I have to. Just treating it as my holiday for next year and trying not to think about it too much.

I'm going to a wedding in Italy next year (so flights are already costing us upwards of £150 each) and the room is €100 per person, per night. And we have to stay at least 2 nights. I'm fuming.

Then why indulge them by going? Why do people permit to have the piss ripped out of them. My BIL tried this on. Big ol' destination wedding on this expensive compound (that you had to stay on because the location otherwise was not exactly safe). We couldn't afford to spend that kind of money on ourselves, much less someone's wedding so had to say no. He got all affronted, but my h told him he needed to put his own kids first.

When people have these poncy destination weddings, they need to accept that some people won't go.