Who is BU? re wedding guests

[biser]

Wedding in country house hotel. Naice but not amazingly so.

How much would you, as a guest, be prepared to pay for a double room inc breakfast before you start to suspect "woah, I'm being ripped off to subsidise their costs".

all. I just don't think you should make your guests subsidise your wedding (and we do have to stay at that hotel as there is nowhere else nearby, it's a very remote location.)

Jesus. You’re NOT “subsidising their wedding”. You’re paying money to have a bed for the night.

You have other choices:

• stay elsewhere with a longer taxi ride
• don’t go

To be “fuming” and thinking that the bride is taking the piss is honestly so odd

I have never come across this level of angst about weddings anywhere in real life!

It's one of my best friends so I do feel as though I have to.

Then you really have no reason to fume or sulk. You can say no. You don't have to, no one does. If more people said no to this type of self-indulgent bollocks maybe the trend for these stupid OTT weddings would stop.

@MaMaMaMySharona: ok, but are you really 'subsidising' them? Or do you need accommodation in order to attend the wedding, and you have the option of paying a fair / market rate to stay at the wedding venue? It's only 'subsidising' if the normal rate for a room at that hotel is £150 per night and yet the B&G are charging anything more than that, which i agree is extremely rude and would make me find my own accomodation or indeed not attend at all.

In any event you should definitely just think of it as a holiday. Don't let the costs sour your trip. If someone marries anywhere other than your immediate hometown there are always attendant costs. I'd rather pay £600 to attend a wedding in Italy than £200 to attend one in a motorway Ramada Jarvis near Milton Keynes!!

There is a country hotel near Philly where we stayed while house hunting. It is totally geared towards weddings and has often 5 a weekend. We only went there weekdays as the cost was $80 a night with breakfast. On friday- Sunday the same room became $300 a night. Breakfast on weeoends got renamed brunch and had a couplw of extra items added and became $26 per person! I think that is pretty normal for wedding hotels... we went to a wedding in Williamsburg and the hotel there was $260 a night and breakfast was extra too.

Of course the Bride and Groom are selfish if they have a wedding in the middle of nowhere that requires paying for expensive rooms at the venue.

@flyingspaghettimonster that is so annoying / crass. It would definitely put me off having my own wedding there but i wouldn't be cross to be invited to a wedding there and wouldn't think the B and G were "poncey" or "indulgent" for having it there. I'd probably just book myself something else and keep my fingers crossed that the B and G had less 'fiscally prudent' friends than me to fill the rooms 😁😜

If it were close friends or family then I would pay whatever it was, even if it was very expensive, given that it would be a one-off. They wouldn't book the Ritz, presumably!

Ok @abacucat so if a B and G want to get married at eilean donan castle, they're just categorically selfish? Everyone should instead plan their wedding according to the proximity of the nearest premier inn and train station? How fun for all concerned.

To flip your point on its head.... Is it not a little selfish of you to expect your hosts to plan their party with you in mind?

*your convenience in mind?

Of course the Bride and Groom are selfish if they have a wedding in the middle of nowhere that requires paying for expensive rooms at the venue.

So. Don’t. Go.

It isn’t selfish for two people to invite you to an event. That’s the event on offer - take it or leave it!

No one is forcing you in to anything.

Plenty of people ENJOY weddings and enjoy the experience. Plenty of people don’t think their friends are just out to rip them off all the time.

A relative of mine has just done this. She was annoyed that I arranged to stay at a different venue. Apparently I should have stayed at the country house and paid her an exorbitant sum. I had already paid nearly £200 to travel to the wedding! I wasn't aware she got to dictate where I stayed. She spent the following day moaning that not enough people stayed in the house so she and her new DH would have to 'foot the bill'.

In my world, that's called paying for your wedding venue, but obviously I am very old-fashioned!

A close relative of mine wanted to book a wedding at a fancy little country wedding hotel- but they had to book the whole hotel, including a fair number of rooms each costing £500-£1000 for one night. They expected close family and friends to pay to snap these rooms up but unsurprisingly most of us said it was far too much money and we’d need to book a travel lodge 20 mins away instead. They couldn’t afford the venue without guests paying for these crazy rooms so they opted for a different one in the end.

No more than the room rate if booked individually. I couldn’t afford much more that £70/80 a night for a hotel generally speaking

Oh Oh oohhh.

This is one of those everyday's a school day threads. Went to a wedding a couple of years ago and were told to click on a link to get the best deal.

Except that it wasn't the best deal (and now I understand why). I checked directly with the hotel and found it was cheaper so booked the better rate and told other family members to do the same.

Oh dear.

I'm suprised how many of you would actually be prepared to pay over the odds for a hotel room 'because it's a wedding'

The venue rip people off by doing this and you are right to stay elsewhere

"Plenty of people ENJOY weddings and enjoy the experience. Plenty of people don’t think their friends are just out to rip them off all the time."

@ShirleyPhallus i completely agree! I absolutely adore weddings and am thrilled to recieve an invite (yes, even an evening one!) Even better when its a destination wedding and you can make a weekend away of it with your OH and/or group of friends. Weddings are some of the best nights / days / weekends out I've had. Just as soon as you and your peers retire your nightclub days and move away from uni / home town everyone starts getting engaged and you all reunite to get dressed up to the nines, get laddered and dance til dawn. What's not to love?!

Admittedly i get invited to some nice weddings and yes i can afford to attend the ones that are abroad but even when i was a student / trainee my instinctive reaction to a wedding invite was not "god how pretentious are they, marrying in ibiza" i was just gutted i couldn't afford to attend!

There's two separate issues here.

1. At a practical level can you afford what they're charging? if not, go somewhere cheaper.

2. In principle do you think what they're asking is above the the actual hotel charge, and therefore making a contribution to their other wedding costs? Does that rankle and put you off paying even if you can afford it? If so, go somewhere cheaper.

It's not just the amount in pounds and pennies, it's whether you feel you're being taken for a ride or not.

@MortyVicar sums it up nicely

I think it’s very sad that so many people here dislike and distrust their own “friends” and family so much they instead of being flattered and delighted at being invited they immediately default to thinking the friend is our to swizz them

And I think it's sad that so many are so self-absorbed they expect their friends and family to pay huge whack to get to their wedding. Flattered and delighted? It's a wedding, not an audience with the Queen.

Do they "expect" them to join them though, or do they plan a celebration and hope their guests can join them?

If someone throws a strop because a guest can't afford to attend their wedding (at all) or chooses cheaper accomodation, or is dismayed when their guests decline to pay £££ for a room that should cost ££ then that bride or groom is a very cheeky fucker. But if an invite is politely issued and politely declined then there are no cheeky fuckers on either side, and certainly no need for sour grapes.

I don't get why you are so invested in this op?

The B&G clearly aren't charging extra to line their own pockets and the room price is £20-30 more than the weekday price- totally normal. Weddings do seem to mean a price increase and for £110 a room I don't think that's bad.

I'd be pissed off at you muscling in on arrangements.

If you don't like it, don't go.

Are you the MIL at all?

And I think it's sad that so many are so self-absorbed they expect their friends and family to pay huge whack to get to their wedding. Flattered and delighted? It's a wedding, not an audience with the Queen.

Yes, I’m always delighted to receive a wedding invitation because I actually like my friends and want to celebrate with them.

I do like the idea though that everyone planning a wedding should plot everyone’s postcodes on a map then hold it directly in the centre to avoid possibly offending anyone in asking them to travel to this hideous, horrible day

I don't get why you are so invested in this op?

We are the parents of the bride, traditionally the people who host the wedding and issue the invitations.
We left choice of venue to B&G, but we are the ones who being put in the position of appearing to be the CF.

Yes, I’m always delighted to receive a wedding invitation because I actually like my friends and want to celebrate with them

Ok what if B&G said 'Hotel coats £80 plus can you donate £50 to the cost if the wedding, plus you need to bring a gift and buy your own drinks, oh and breakfast is extra.

That's effectively what's happening