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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU? re wedding guests

362 replies

biser · 24/10/2018 12:04

Wedding in country house hotel. Naice but not amazingly so.

How much would you, as a guest, be prepared to pay for a double room inc breakfast before you start to suspect "woah, I'm being ripped off to subsidise their costs".

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 24/10/2018 13:24

I mean you'd be likely to get one or two rooms at a cheap rate, but not, say 20 or so. The more you buy the more you save doesn't work with hotels.

Thisnamechanger · 24/10/2018 13:25

Surely it's not a proper wedding if you don't end up shitfaced in a Travel lodge at 3am Grin

dontalltalkatonce · 24/10/2018 13:25

Oh, and the groom wanted DH to go down a night early to help him out. He'd put DH up for the night, but DH had to buy him food and drink - CF! At least we'll have that night in the b&b too.

What a twat! I'd not give them a big wedding present. 80 euros max.

lottiegarbanzo · 24/10/2018 13:25

Oh, hm. I would expect to pay maybe £150-180 for somewhere nice. Especially if quite isolated. (Though if there were cheaper, simpler options nearby, all the better).

£60-90 seems to me like bog-standard B&B / Air B&B / basic hotel rates, not the sign of somewhere 'nice' at all.

But, surely, the hotel benefits from being booked out as a whole, far in advance, so, the room-rate should be less than than their 'face value per room' price, not more.

But if they don't advertise weekend rates, you have no way of knowing exactly what the per room price really is. And everything costs more when it's a wedding - to the hotel's benefit. (Maybe that's why a nice hotel is able to offer discounted weekday room rates).

If it's the B&G taking the profit, not the hotel, that's different.

Tunnocks34 · 24/10/2018 13:26

I don’t know why it’s so expensive. Our wedding is costly to be fair, we’ve hired a castle, and it is £100 per person per night with breakfast. 30% discount for people attending the wedding. No one has to stay at the castle, none of their room costs go towards our wedding, which is the same cost regardless of if everyone stays at the castle, or if no one stays at the castle. In our invite we have included the accommodation details of several, close by cheaper BnBs too.

dontalltalkatonce · 24/10/2018 13:27

I'd also be afraid the £110 would turn into £220 if the other guests don't take up all the rooms. I do always wonder what people do if they simply don't have the extra money the hotel expects them to pay in such cases. We have a tight budget and our credit cards have really low limits.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/10/2018 13:29

Is this your DD by any chance Biser?

Want2bSupermum · 24/10/2018 13:29

The room rates is a horrible part of wedding neigotiations. It was a big factor in my decision to have our wedding at home. We ended up at my dads friends home, in his garden. Ahead of time I had spoke to the premier inn around the corner and asked about promotions. Manager was great because our wedding was the week of the races and she wanted us as guests instead of the racegoers who were trouble. I got all their rooms for 3 nights for £9 a night per room including breakfast. Bargain of the century IMO. Dhs family coming from Denmark had rooms for the whole week in town. The cost of hotel rooms came out of the budget. I wasn't going to ask guests to pay for hotel rooms considering they were paying £100-150 for the train to get to us. Dhs family don't have the money for extra trips. We paid for their flights using points.

greendale17 · 24/10/2018 13:29

£100 max

MatildaTheCat · 24/10/2018 13:29

Really, it’s just not enough to get so upset about unless you simply cannot afford it in which case you can’t go.

It’s a family wedding and you are creating a lot of stress by telling them you are being scammed? Imagine paying a bit less and having a lot of other randoms around at the wedding? You may not care but you can see how the B&G might not want that hence having to reserve the whole place.

Don’t go if you are so angry.

SassitudeandSparkle · 24/10/2018 13:30

I assumed it was the OP's wedding at first though - now I think they are a parent of B or G.

I think that's pretty cheeky tbh. I would be tempted to save the £50 and go elsewhere (having stayed in a sub-par hotel last weekend this is fresh in my mind!) and as it would have been made clear to the B&G when booking the venue, it's up to them to meet the shortfall. I see it as greed, not naivety. They knew.

Cornishclio · 24/10/2018 13:30

I don't think £110 is too bad if it includes breakfast. If there is a local travellodge nearby with a £29 per night rate I may go for that depend8ng on how easy or cheap it would be to get a taxi.

Ifoundanacorn · 24/10/2018 13:30

Why do you even want to go at all? I would be pulling out altogether and using the money for a weekend away of my choosing. I am not a fan of having people like this in my life though.

HeckyPeck · 24/10/2018 13:30

Um, Hecky, you just used one sentence of mine and then immediately followed it with one of biser's, who's another poster, in the same quote. That's such incredibly poor form.

I thought it would be obvious to anyone following the thread that OP was replying to another post?

How are you meant to highlight that? If I’d just copied OPs bit it would have had no context? Confused

greendale17 · 24/10/2018 13:31

Are the B&G actually pocketing the difference?

HeckyPeck · 24/10/2018 13:32

I see it as greed, not naivety. They knew

I genuinely don’t know anyone (who’s wedding I’d go to) that would deliberately try and scam me. Unless I’m the naive one!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 24/10/2018 13:32

Imagine paying a bit less and having a lot of other randoms around at the wedding?

That's not the OPs fault, you should suck it up as a B+G and realise you cannot force people into staying at the venue and accept other people may book rooms. Its not like anyone who happens to be staying at the hotel on the same night is going to join in with the wedding, so what's wrong with having them at the hotel? Hmm

SassitudeandSparkle · 24/10/2018 13:34

Hecky the OP said the B&G were naive over the deal - I don't think they were, I think they were greedy. They knew the deal and were happy to pass the cost on to their guests.

Justmuddlingalong · 24/10/2018 13:34

The B&G are indeed naive if they don't know what will happen if the hotel rooms are not at capacity. This should definitely be agreed on before booking the wedding there.

Original poster
biser · 24/10/2018 13:35

If it's the B&G taking the profit, not the hotel, that's different.
B&G aren't taking the profit directly but they are getting a better wedding than they are paying for, because guests are paying over the odds.

Blimey I didn’t even know this went on at weddings.
I would have been as naive as B&G if I hadn't read about this on MN.

OP posts:
Ifoundanacorn · 24/10/2018 13:35

MatildaTheCat

Why the hell should the guests pay for the B&G wedding, if the B&G can't afford to pay for their own venue and honeymoon suite then they should be looking at cheaper places. The costs to the guests are huge even being overcharged for a room as well.

As a rule people don't like to ripped off, so that is why there is 'stress'. and believe me this kind of CF behaviour will backfire. Word will get around and most of the guests will quite rightly pull out and not pay. I hope greedy B&G have a plan B.

Ifoundanacorn · 24/10/2018 13:37

B&G aren't taking the profit directly but they are getting a better wedding than they are paying for, because guests are paying over the odds.

That is because you will be paying for it.

Don't go, and tell the rest of your family the reason why you won't be there.

HeckyPeck · 24/10/2018 13:38

I guess none of us except OP know the bride and groom so they could be naive or they could be greedy.

The fact that OP likes them enough to go to their wedding made me think they’re nice people rather than scammers?

Then again maybe they are scammers and OP just feels obliged to go.

If you don’t want to pay it just say you can’t afford it and you’ll stay elsewhere. Assuming you do actually want to go?

lottiegarbanzo · 24/10/2018 13:41

Why would the weekend room rate be less than the weekday one? I'd expect it to be more. Are you sure you've got that right OP?

If the hotel wasn't booked for a wedding it would be selling weekend breaks and expensive single nights.

EnglishRose13 · 24/10/2018 13:44

My friend decided to charge more for the rooms than the hotel did themselves. I'm talking £200 for a £120 room. She also wanted people to pay for two nights, even if they were only staying one, as she didn't think it was up to her to pay for the empty room.

I refused to stay. It did not go down well.