My partner keeps waking the whole house.

[ThaiRedCurry]

This is one very sleepy house. I have a 5 month old who is a terrible sleeper, a toddler who thinks 5am is a reasonable time to get up in the morning and my partner who is in the police works shifts.
When he is on a late he finishes at around 1am. He comes in the front door and then slams it behind him. Turns on the landing light and the hall and then I hear him in the kitchen. Opening the microwave, reheating tea, slamming microwave door and then pulling out the kitchen chair. Once that's done he comes up the stairs and switches on the bathroom light. Leaves the door open, has a shower uses the toilet and flushes it. Then if this isn't already enough he dumps bag in the babies room (we only have a 3 bed so lots of storage in a wardrobe in babies room) and often even turns on the light in there for good measure. I try not to get pissed off but by this point we are all awake and I then have to get up and settle everyone and try get back to sleep myself.
Should I stop grumbling or is there a way I can approach this subject with him.
I'm so sleep deprived

I'm sorry this must be on purpose. If you turn the lights on in a baby's bedroom you are deliberately waking them. So you need to think why would he do this?

Come on this is not a real post. It can't be. Unless op is going to come back and drip feed about how her dh is abusive.

My dh woke me up coming in from a night out at the weekend. It went like this "shut the f up dh it's 2am"
Dh then shut the f up.
We are both still perfectly happy.

I couldn't imagine being unable to say normal stuff to my dh. Unless of course I was in an abusive relationship. Bizarre

He must know he is making such a noise if everybody is waking up. He doesn’t care.

Why didn’t you say something the very first time?

This is so confusing!!

If you aren't scared of him, why haven't you said anything?

Either he is the selfish arsehole some posters are labelling him as, or he is thick as shit.

Either way, talk to the man.

Simpering women really piss me off.

Suck it up OP. I think that's what you want to hear, isn't it? Suck it up and continue being a doormat. Jeez.

I do wonder if he find it a bit lonely when he gets home and wants people to talk to. Would pin back his ears though.

Ridiculous. I was a shift worker for years and would never have dreamt of having lights on and off/crashing about the kitchen. Selfish git. You need to let him know this is not acceptable.

I wouldn’t tell him that he needs to settle children if he wakes them up. The point is that he should be quiet because he won’t want to wake them ( and you) up. And that’s because he loves his wife and children and care about them.
Surely it works like this?

Then if this isn't already enough he dumps bag in the babies room (we only have a 3 bed so lots of storage in a wardrobe in babies room) and often even turns on the light in there for good measure.

Selfish prick is the only way to describe someone who does that. He would have to be the dumbest person alive to not realize that would wake up the baby. Since I'm guessing he's not the dumbest person alive then selfish prick it is.

Talk to him instead of us. He's being over the top ridiculous and I can't help but think he's being passive aggressive waking everyone up.

No chance this would be happening in my house. I would have taken his head off months ago.  what a selfish arse

if my dp risked waking up a baby or toddler who didn't sleep well, he would be the one settling them and then he would be sleeping on the sofa.

If you prefer a pragmatic approach I'd buy a white noise machine for the bedroom(s). It pretty much blocks out all that kind of noise. It works a treat for us.

Imagine being so meek you can't even realise what a selfish inconsiderate prick your husband is?

Embarrassing

OP people are saying he is an arse as, sometimes it's possible to not realise how loud you're being, but if you've clearly woken 3 people at the same time then you must know you're being too loud! Toddlers often sleep very deeply as well so he must be awful. If it happens regularly and he doesn't help settle the kids, or apologise profusely, then it does seem like he's doing it deliberately or at least he doesn't care, or he'd have already tried to address it. That's why people are asking if their are wider issues such as he's angry you're all at home while he's been working for example

The vast majority of people do not need to be asked not to wake a sleeping baby! And to most people it is obvious that going into a baby's room and turning the light on will wake them. Mine can wake up when I creep past their room!

If you're giving him the benefit of the doubt,
I'd ask him to come up with practical ideas together of how to stop noise carrying so far at night then remind him by text during his shift...for example in our house if someone is napping we -

Don't flush the loo in the night for a wee
Use a torch app on phone if need to go in someone else's room
Leave things that can wait such as noisy tidying up or emptying dishwasher til everyone is awake
If you're cooking in the microwave we'll keep near it so we can stop it before it beeps
TV low with subtitles
Goes without saying doors are closed softly and no one goes into the baby's room and turns on the light!

As most of the PP's have said - your DH is being selfish. Even if it is 7am and I'm up getting ready for work, I make every effort to be quiet and not wake my DH up if he does not have to be up for work for a while. I certainly wouldn't be putting any lights on that would affect him or do anything that couldn't wait - like putting my bag in a room that can be moved later. Vile behaviour. Stop excusing it.

Oh white noise is good as well. I use an app on my phone for myself and an old phone I don't use any more for the baby's room. It does block out background noise but won't completely block out large crashes and bangs

storm, I know right!? But I guess we are just ball-busting bitches for expecting to be treated with thoughtfulness and respect.

My DH is like this, very thoughtless. His parents are just the same, and it's horrendous. My worst is when he comes back late from work on his bicycle and decides just to give the children "a little kiss", he has a beard which is rough and wakes them up, they then wake up and inevitably want me because "daddy's beard is prickly and he stinks from the bike" grrr you have my full sympathy, tell him to stop.

When my partner works late he sleeps on the sofa bed downstairs - there's no way he'd be coming upstairs banging about and he's very quiet if he has his tea.

The sofa bed was the best purchase ever plus great if we have guests.

The OP posted this a week ago

'm currently laid in bed with a come down and hangover. I'm a mum of 2 (kids are at nursery and stayed at grandparents last night) and I have a terrible relationship with alcohol. I also took coke last night - just a few lines but I took it.
I want to get a better relationship with alcohol where I don't drink mid week and where I only have one of two drinks rather than getting shit faced every time.!
I don't know where to start and my anxiety right now is crippling

This is much more to this situation than your partner being noisy

Oh come on he HAS to know what he’s doing. I can’t see how a grown up (arguable though that may be) who manages to hold down a job can have so little self awareness that he doesn’t think he’s doing something wrong?! It’s not like he’s doing one slightly inconvenient thing like leaving a light on or not remembering to jump the squeaky floorboard, he’s inconveniencing three other people by making more noise than anyone ever needs to make. Even if by some wildly ridiculous stretch of the imagination he doesn’t realise he’s doing everything else, why the hell is he going into the baby’s room and turning the light on?! I get that there’s storage in there, but would it really kill him to leave his bag somewhere else for a few hours?

Just because you don’t like hearing it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true- he’s being a selfish, inconsiderate tosser. The ONLY way to work out what the actual fuck he thinks he is doing is to call him out on it. If that means losing your shit then so be it.

I'm currently laid in bed with a come down and hangover. I'm a mum of 2 (kids are at nursery and stayed at grandparents last night) and I have a terrible relationship with alcohol. I also took coke last night - just a few lines but I took it.
I want to get a better relationship with alcohol where I don't drink mid week and where I only have one of two drinks rather than getting shit faced every time.!
I don't know where to start and my anxiety right now is crippl

OP you’re being utterly unreasonable to be pissy with @Xici

He is a selfish prick and the fact that you haven’t pulled him up on any of this is frankly rather odd.

I would go with being very noisy at 5am.

H does this when he gets up early. He gets dressed in the bathroom and puts his work boots up then tramps up and down our uncarpeted stairs. I have asked him time and again to put his boots on just before he leaves and he will for a couple of days and then its back normal. I work unsociable hours so will often get in a 1am and be creeping around so I dont wake anyone. So I stopped doing that. When the kids where at their dads I came in, all the lights on, TV on (ok.....maybe slightly louder than I would normally!), crashing doors and thumping up and down the stairs. I got a VERY grumpy "WTF!!! I have work in the morning and I need my sleep". He soon fucked off with his tail between his legs when I pointed out that I need my sleep too and now he knows how it feels to share a house with a selfish prick.

Seems to have worked.

Being nice is all very well but sometimes you need to hammer the message home.

Blimey @wonderandwander. There is rather more to it all then!