My partner keeps waking the whole house.

[ThaiRedCurry]

This is one very sleepy house. I have a 5 month old who is a terrible sleeper, a toddler who thinks 5am is a reasonable time to get up in the morning and my partner who is in the police works shifts.
When he is on a late he finishes at around 1am. He comes in the front door and then slams it behind him. Turns on the landing light and the hall and then I hear him in the kitchen. Opening the microwave, reheating tea, slamming microwave door and then pulling out the kitchen chair. Once that's done he comes up the stairs and switches on the bathroom light. Leaves the door open, has a shower uses the toilet and flushes it. Then if this isn't already enough he dumps bag in the babies room (we only have a 3 bed so lots of storage in a wardrobe in babies room) and often even turns on the light in there for good measure. I try not to get pissed off but by this point we are all awake and I then have to get up and settle everyone and try get back to sleep myself.
Should I stop grumbling or is there a way I can approach this subject with him.
I'm so sleep deprived

Does he get into bed while you are up and settling the children though? Because it would be hard to miss that he's waking you all up if you are up and dealing with the children while he gets into bed, surely?

He needs a consequence from waking everyone up or he won't stop. The kids crying when he's trying to sleep would probably help.

You don't even have to bark at him. A very calm, 'you are so loud, you've woken the house' would be sufficient. And even if you felt that was too much I can't understand why you haven't broached it the next day

Send toddler and baby in when awake. Don't forget to turn the light on!

Although you must have the patience of a saint coz that man would be under my patio by now.

He has a stressful job?! So, he gets to take that out on everyone else? Of course he knows how noisy he is being, no one walks into a bedroom with a sleeping baby in at at 1am and slams the light on without realizing.

He’s an arsehole and you are tiptoeing around him.

If he keeps waking everyone after you have talked about it, let him resettled the kids. After dealing with that a few times he will remember to be quiet. Also you could put a note on the door nicely asking him to be quiet.

You refuse to accept my comments? Why because they're true? I'm just bemused that anyone would let someone treat them like this and disturb their children in the process without saying a single word to their husband.

@Snitzelvoncrumb thank you. This is more the kind of advice I'm after! Not people telling me someone I love and care about so very much is a "prick"

As xici said, he’s a selfish prick. An inconsiderate selfish prick.

OMG!!! My routine after a late shift? Go to kitchen, get glass of water, go to bed. That should be his too

I think most people are mystified that you are even able to remember he has a stressful job and that you care for him at 1am to stop you from screaming YOU WOKE EVERYONE UP AGAIN AND NOW YOU THINK YOI CAN JUST GO TO SLEEP AND LEAVE ME TO GET THEM ALL SETTLED AGAIN YOU SELFISH JERK!
Seriously, that would be completely justified.

He is being a knob though.

You're a better person than I am, OP. I would have gone mad 

The truth is, he is a prick though. 🤷‍♀️

I find it really hard to believe that he isn’t deliberately doing this, no-one is that obtuse.
You are clearly some kind of saint!

"Is there a way I can approach him"? Yes there is, you just say the words "hey mate, you are waking us all up and I'm knackered". Why is this a big deal? It does seem a bit weird OP that you have to come here to ask.

So the advice you wanted was to let him resettle the kids? Seriously though you say you are unable to have a quiet word with him about this because his job is so stressful so I can hardly imagine you getting up and telling him to resettle the kids before he gets into bed.

Why the actual fuck does he turn all the lights in the house on and go into the babies room who he knows is a bad sleeper.
No light on in hallway or bedrooms in the future. No going into babies room - bag can stay somewhere else until morning.
Sorry OP but he knows he's doing this, no reasonable person would turn the light on on a bedroom where they know others are sleeping in the middle of the night.

I try to live in a relationship where we are both happy

But you aren’t happy at being woken at one am - so doing nothing doesn’t achieve that either.

It reeks of petulance to me. An almost “how dare you be in bed asleep when I’ve been out working” kind of attitude. No one is so accidentally unreasonable to not realise they are making that kind of racket at 1am. And to shower with the door open. What does that achieve if not just to deliberately piss you off?!

How does he manage such a 'stressful' job when he has such an overwhelming lack of awareness? That those things make a lot of noise, as evidenced by the fact that every other person on the house is awake when they shouldn't be ? If he is unaware, he's not very bright. If he is aware, and does it anyway, he's the selfish prick he has been named by others. I can't see any other possibilities if this has happened more than once.

Unfortunately in this matter he is being a selfish prick. Just because you love him doesn't mean he is not acting like a complete prick.

You should be able to say to him at the time, or the next morning, that he's being selfish waking everyone up. Why do you feel like you can't? Are you walking on eggshells around him?

Is he their father? What kind of father would dick about in his sleeping 5m old's room?!

OP you haven't raised it with him because he's going to kick off if you do. I bet money this is the tip of the iceberg of bad behaviour you're accepting from this man.

Does he have any additional needs? If not hes obviously doing it deliberately to put you in your place. There’s literally no other explanation, sorry.

The way you’re just putting I with it, it sounds like you’re already very firmly in your place, to be honest.

He won't want to change, if he were the type to care he wouldn't be doing this already.

I know it might not seem helpful to be told he's a prick, but in the long term it is. I'm imagining if the roles were reversed and someone told you that you were causing them bother, you'd be embarrassed, apologise, and change your behavior. In fact you'd probably have the self-awareness that you wouldn't cause others bother in the first place. It's hard to say how to deal with this behavior because I don't think you are dealing with a reasonable man, and I think even if you do manage to stop him waking up the entire household, he'd probably find other ways to make your life difficult instead.

It's kind of laughable though. He's a policeman who doesn't have the insight that switching lights on, slamming doors and waking everyone up isn't being a massive arse? Really? Time to wake up and smell the coffee, OP.