Aibu to abandon my beliefs to get ahead. Afro hair.

[ShortFro]

Aibu to abandon my beliefs to get ahead. Afro hair.

NC

The majority of black women you see in the uk do not actually have their real hair on display. Often only other black women will be able to tell.

For many reasons (I’ll expand) but largely due to setting an example to my daughter, I’ve worn my hair in its natural state for the last few years.
Obviously I’m not Lupita the Oscar winner (!) but it looks something like this.

(Lupita pic)

I have noticed that I am treated differently with my hair like this. Often ignored/ followed in shops etc. Please don’t tell me I’m imagining this. There are probably millions of posts on the internet talking about this.

I hate being treated like this, told I look ‘unprofessional now’ etc. My hair is always clean & cut professionally - it’s just not processed in the way most people are used to.

Options.

1. Keep it as it is, be often treated badly. Miss out on opportunities. Be true to myself.

1. Wigs = conform to the ‘accepted’ standard. But they are itchy and hot plus it is mortifying if they come off.

1. Weaves - this is what the majority do. This is expensive. To get it done professionally = £200 every 6 weeks. I can’t afford this without serious cuts to the budget elsewhere.

Plus: using human hair, I find the thought of having somebody’s hair in my head repulsive and skin crawling. On the ethical side, many women are exploited to get that hair.

There is synthetic hair but this often looks ‘wiggy’ and fake, like a barbies hair.

When doing weaves on a long term basis the hairline is often damaged.

Even if the photos of Naomi are doctored, I have seen in real life hundreds of women in salons with this problem. The ‘baby hair’ along the airline cannot support a weave, resulting in tension alopecia.

1. Braids. You are facing the same hairline issues as with weaves. You are looking at £50 every 6 weeks plus around 6 hours. In addition I find that they look TO ME silly and overly fussy.

1. Relaxer. This is a process where you take the contents of a box that says ‘caution, use gloves, do not allow to touch skin’ and put that on your head. You can do it yourself like with hair dye or pay around £200 every 6 weeks for professional maintenance. That looks like this

Also, make sure you never get rained on or sweat or it will become Afroish.

1. Long natural hair straightened with straightners... hours and hours of work weekly plus any time it happens to get damp...

What the fuck do I do?

brook Thank you; another lesson learnt!

I'm on the not as curly side, around a 3A but people always comment how curly mine is!

I have c4 hair and did I cut it short last year. It was the worst idea for me. I thought I was saving my self from the hustle of combing and pain. I was very wrong. My hair has grown back now. The top bit is semi relaxed to stop it from constantly breaking and the rest is natural. I wear braids and next spring I should have it out every now and then.
I normally just ware braids with wigs for in between and bad hair days.

I agree that weave is having a slow death.

Of course the op will have low self esteem. That's what the post is about. If she didn't she would not be writing this post. I personally now blame black people and black family members for my low self esteem in regards to my hair. They are the racial police who maintain the racial hatred for black hair.

I don't doubt you at all that you are followed around the shop. It has happened to me and people I know. It happens. I have always put it down to race.

I do agree that you get better treatment when you wear certain types of wigs. I have lots and I know how that feels.

The funniest ones are the shock horrors on people's faces when they find out that last week hair was a wig or hair extension, or when they fail to recognise because of hair change you and they can't work it out.

It would be lovely for people to post proper c4 hair and not the lovely, possibly texturised hair on here.

The hatred for my hair comes from socialisation. The one job interview I didn't wear I wig is the job I got. I would say that the way I would be viewed constantly did pop into my mind. The best thing you can do for yourself is to practically not give a shit. Life is too short.

If you live in London. Try contacting "smart work". They might help with interview prep and cv writing. It's a charity that runs to help women struggling to find work. I think they focus on mothers too mainly. Check them out.

Afro hair is natural hair and looks beautiful. I used to relax my hair too as a result of negativity around natural hair . I stopped five years ago. Best thing I ever did. If more black women wore their hair naturally then the negative associations disappear. Sister locks and twists look lovely and less expensive than weaves .

The best thing you can do for yourself is to practically not give a shit. Life is too short.

EVERYONE has that issue, someone not liking them for before meeting them, judging them on appearance alone. of we all felt the way you did we would be a shell of our selves. I must admit I've been followed in shops, I've had the whole you're pretty for a black girl rubbish. I've been called all sorts from monkey to the n word. I don't let it stay with me because what people think of me is their business and their hang up to bear.

Be confident in who you are and proud of what's on your head and what it represents (no matter what you decide to do with it)

The 2C hair lovehairstyles.com/all-you-need-to-know-about-2a-2b-2c-hair/ type has more defined waves starting at the roots with loose spirals similar to 'S' shaped ringlets.

I think keep it natural and don't hide it, afro hair is beautiful, be part of the movement for natural hair, don't conform to society's wants

I only have my own limited experience but I work in a pretty traditional boring field that is very competitive (management consulting) and I can’t imagine for a minute anyone being judged on their professional ability for having natural Afro hair. Maybe if a man had a huge long Afro, in the same way a ponytail on a white man would be seen as unprofessional, but certainly not for a woman, or a short Afro on a man. I have several colleagues with natural hair, I think it’s lovely. I hope you make the decision that is right for you.

Don’t change yourself !!! Be who u want to be and ignore others behaviours!! I love this natural Afro it’s cool 😎 xx

As all the other options sound pretty shit and like you don't want to do them I think you should go natural. If you are told it's unprofessional then to me that is a racist judgement and needs calling out. If you have an HR department I would speak to them. I think there is a bit of a trend for women to have their hair more natural - whether that's black hair or going grey and I think it's fab.

I'd have said that the first picture looks professional and well-groomed; the rest - don't.

@SlowlyShrinking

Don't look at it as race; everyone must adhere to societal norms in order to function in society. If you're in a conservative environment EVERYONE who fits in flows with their rules The problem is, though, that Caucasian hair is seen as the default hair (by some people) so the idea of what is “professional” ie sleek, “groomed” hair is not easily achievable for someone who has curly or Afro hair, which is pretty discriminatory, no?

Exactly. My hair is long, wavy and a "mess" most of the time. If I want it to be smart I can have it trimmed so the ends arent raggedy, maybe tie it back or up or faff around with straighteners for half an hour. Even when I bother to do this, the photo of Lupita's hair is going to be objectively "neater" than my hair and has probably had more care/time taken over it. The fact that this, well looked after, neat hairstyle is STILL considered messy is about race.

That said, I suspect that if someone is being racist I think they are using the hair as an excuse rather than the actual reason. So you could go through all the hassle of changing it and they would have another reason for following you round a shop/not considering you for office work. Because no-one is going to say "its because Im a massive racist". But "your hair looks messy" is just code for that.

Sorry - to clarify, what I meant a five minute cut once every 6 weeks and mabe 15 minutes styling hair is considered enough to make most white hair "professional". I might resent having to do that when men dont, but thats another issue. If people are suggesting that in order to look "professional" black women should spend hours and hours, and hundreds of pounds, and maybe risk their health for the same level of "neatness" then thats not exactly fair is it?

ZOMBIE THREAD!

But what did you go for in the end OP?

@RoboJesus

Just tie it up for work, it isn't professional to have it down regardless, and no one is treating you differently because of your hair is down you just feel different. Just don't make a thing where there isn't one

what a fucking stupid statement!! have you experienced any of this? I'm not black but asian and I used to have very long curly hair and was advised in senior management coaching (city firm) that it was not professional and needed to be more styled and shorter to be taken more seriously! the prejudices women face in the workplace are just part of the picture of discrimination - I've been advised to cut my hair and wear more make-up numerous times. I'll be honest and for about 10 years I had bob / lob to fit in, I'm senior enough in my profession now to do what I want and people can shove it! But that has not always been the case! I sympathise its not an easy decision but the way I view it is now I am more senior I can ensure that these kind of comments / inferences are not made in my teams.

Personally, I think the natural hair look looks lovely! I realise you’ve attached a photo of an extremely beautiful woman, but in general when I see women with this hairstyle it looks great to me.

None of the looks you’ve described look bad, but I actually really like the natural hair, and if I were you really wouldn’t want to fuck about with those expensive, time consuming methods.

I don’t have any knowledge about your situation as I’m a white person who’s never been in your shoes, but just giving my own views. If I were your employer, I certainly wouldn’t be passing you over for promotion as a result!

Shit - it’s a zombie! Still my opinion though.

It's downright shameful and diabolical that anyone should be treated differently simply for having their natural hair on display. Fwiw I think natural fro looks far better than relaxed hair