Aibu to abandon my beliefs to get ahead. Afro hair.

[ShortFro]

Aibu to abandon my beliefs to get ahead. Afro hair.

NC

The majority of black women you see in the uk do not actually have their real hair on display. Often only other black women will be able to tell.

For many reasons (I’ll expand) but largely due to setting an example to my daughter, I’ve worn my hair in its natural state for the last few years.
Obviously I’m not Lupita the Oscar winner (!) but it looks something like this.

(Lupita pic)

I have noticed that I am treated differently with my hair like this. Often ignored/ followed in shops etc. Please don’t tell me I’m imagining this. There are probably millions of posts on the internet talking about this.

I hate being treated like this, told I look ‘unprofessional now’ etc. My hair is always clean & cut professionally - it’s just not processed in the way most people are used to.

Options.

1. Keep it as it is, be often treated badly. Miss out on opportunities. Be true to myself.

1. Wigs = conform to the ‘accepted’ standard. But they are itchy and hot plus it is mortifying if they come off.

1. Weaves - this is what the majority do. This is expensive. To get it done professionally = £200 every 6 weeks. I can’t afford this without serious cuts to the budget elsewhere.

Plus: using human hair, I find the thought of having somebody’s hair in my head repulsive and skin crawling. On the ethical side, many women are exploited to get that hair.

There is synthetic hair but this often looks ‘wiggy’ and fake, like a barbies hair.

When doing weaves on a long term basis the hairline is often damaged.

Even if the photos of Naomi are doctored, I have seen in real life hundreds of women in salons with this problem. The ‘baby hair’ along the airline cannot support a weave, resulting in tension alopecia.

1. Braids. You are facing the same hairline issues as with weaves. You are looking at £50 every 6 weeks plus around 6 hours. In addition I find that they look TO ME silly and overly fussy.

1. Relaxer. This is a process where you take the contents of a box that says ‘caution, use gloves, do not allow to touch skin’ and put that on your head. You can do it yourself like with hair dye or pay around £200 every 6 weeks for professional maintenance. That looks like this

Also, make sure you never get rained on or sweat or it will become Afroish.

1. Long natural hair straightened with straightners... hours and hours of work weekly plus any time it happens to get damp...

What the fuck do I do?

Short afro is very easy to handle,doesn't need brushing daily at all ,all you have to do is wet it as in (wash and go). I had long hair before and now cut most of it for low maintenance,so I have a short manageable afro,I shower daily and wash it in the shower and don't do anything else to it,it dries quickly.Now my hair looks like lupita in the firs picture,don't pay attention to anyone who has a problem with your natural hair,do as you please with it.

In my work (healthcare) I have several colleagues with curls, whether it's Afro or other origin, basically as long as it's off your face & above your shoulders any style goes as far as management are concerned.

However other colleagues still feel they can make comments on others' hair if it doesn't fit the accepted norm of thick shiny straightish hair, usually behind their backs.

Re: wigs, I lost some hair in 2010 - 2011 & wore wigs, yes they can be itchy & make you sweat.
Now most of my hair has grown back but it still looks too thin at the top when tied back for work & one lovely colleague recently asked' why don't you wear a wig'!!!

My sister growing up had a terrible time with extra curly hair inherited from mixed race family, she was called all kinds of racist names & bullied. Following the invention of newer hair products & GHDs she conforms to the western norms & straightens her hair for work in sales.

My cousins 11 year old daughter has gingery Afro hair which takes literally hours to straighten but it makes her happier to look like her all white friends at parties etc.
Usually she wears it naturally though as it's easier & she's developed a bolshy attitude to fend off comments.
I do hope it will be acceptable to wear her hair natural when she starts work. Or she will face the same dilemmas as you.

Please wear your natural hair proudly. It is beautiful

My best friend has gone natural for the last several years and done very well with it.

I'm just very sad she had to move back to her home country before that happened but she dresses very sharply now which I think has also helped her in getting ahead.

I would support any campaign to eliminate racism... perhaps if we had a day where we all agreed to do exactly the same with our hair and turn up to work e.g., we all wash and go... employers would realise how racist some of their policies really are

I am so sad, angry, frustrated, pissed off, upset (etc, etc) that you are made to feel like this. I am Caucasian so don’t pretend to have been through this myself, but I have heard it from several of my black friends. Why on earth should you be made to feel unprofessional because you wear your hair natural?! It boils my piss, as they say! I hope you find a solution, and FWIW, I love natural afros!

Not in your area but there is this one. There must be more. I think they work mainly with people, who have several years management experience. Perhaps worth a call and chat with them? www.mdhc.co.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1JzJkaSd3gIVQbDtCh3-fwz1EAAYASAAEgLeQPD_BwE

Prices for a cv write, interview techniques and marketing are around 2.5k so not cheap but you don’t give it all up front. They have a lot of packages. This is the basic one. The contract is not completed until you have been working for 6 months and both employer and employee are happy.

You have to have a lot of face to face contact as you have plenty of “homework”. Perhaps you can find something more local to you?

I’m no help with this at all but I just wanted to say I’m sorry that people treat you like this just because you have natural hair it’s not fair at all!

I worked with lots of beautiful black women who wore their hair naturally. One wore hers reasonably short and it really suited her, she had a lovely face shape also. Another slightly more curvy woman had her hair longer and wore it either all out with just a hair band or in twists? The last lady was actually a rastarferian and wore her hair in long dreadlocks. She was an awesome woman and I loved the way she wore her hair. She always looked fierce. Wear your hair naturally with pride. You don’t need to change your hair for anyone. ❤️

The more ladies brave enough (like you) to wear their hair naturally, the faster the pace of change will be. Don't compromise your beliefs, they're part of what make you the person you are.

I love the picture with the natural hair.

The more people that wear their hair this way the more it will become accepted.

Im sorry what? The majority of black UK women wear a weave??......are you sure?

Where do you live? A weave £200 that's a rip off same goes for relaxing your hair. Those prices you quoted were a far reach from everyday reality. As it goes hair maintainene for black hair isn't much different to European hair dressers, there's your expensive and your run of the mill. More money doesn't mean better quality.

I go to twin touch salon once in a while if I want a weave (ig her) papachichi (ig her) b versatile. And I'm not paying £200.

Anyway I have been natural for two years now. It took a long time to get used to my hair but I wouldn't have it any other way now. I mean I wear braids and I have cornrows sometimes, they are only bad for your hair if the person installing them doesn't know how to do this corrctly. But my natural hair I do braid outs, twist outs finger coils, on my lazy days I wear a high puff. If you like synthetic hair without looking wiggly go to a crochet hair specialist. You have so many options.

I work in Central London in one of the biggest companies in the world, I am one of few black women at my level and I have done all of this with my twa to my full blown fro.

When I read your post, I really heard how you feel about your hair and appearance not so much how are perceived. There's lots you can do with your hair without compromising yourself. Maybe learn to love yourself, I could be wrong but I feel a lot of self hate in this thread. And I assure you you're beautiful. Don't discount your black girl magic.

You're afrolicious, embrace it.

I was thinking that too, majority of black women do not wear weaves. We wear it all different ways like everyone else.

It must be hard because on the one hand, its shit to experience discrimination but on the other hand, principles. I do not have afro hair so I feel its not really my place to give an opinion, but, but.... Your lovely hair is who you are, why should you change yourself when you are in the right?
My friend runs a natural hair website, you might not want to shop here but check out the natural hair LOVE www.ilovenaturalhair.com

I often feel like I'm ignored or followed in shops and I often feel like I'm looked up and down. I white British have curly hair that is sometimes a bit (actually a lot) fizzy. I hadn't ever thought it was my hair that caused the reaction or even lack of reaction. I think people in shops don't even know they are making people half the time.

I think you should stick with your natural hair if you are happy with it, I feel the tide is changing and more people are starting to embrace natural hair. About time too, I've lost count the number of hairdressers that have made me feel awful, now I go to a curl only salon and it's wonderful.

Just like black skin colour, black hair is so varied there is no 'typical' type. And a blanket assumption that hiding natural hair is the only way black women are accepted is a bit short sighted. Im not saying it doesn't happen, but for every example of a woman wearing a 'protective style' you'l find an inspired one with natural hair.

Agree with Afromumma the majority of black women in the UK do not wear wigs and weaves. Straight long hair on a black women does nit necessarily mean weave or wigs. Please do not peddle this false narrative.

Nobody should be telling anyone how to wear their hair.

You should wear your hair the way you want to without feeling like you’re betraying yourself.
The beauty of our hair, is that you can wear it straight, in twists, braid etc.
I mostly wear my hair in twistout and fro’s simply because it suits my life . Mum and sis- both natural, currently rocking a braided style and weave respectively as it’s the best for them.
Mum of 10 month old DD and too busy.
I have long hair which can take ages to detangle, so I try to keep my hair in “stretched out” styles.
I went natural 5 year ago and it was the best thing I ever done.
Like a pp has said, let it come from you, wear it how you want, and ignore all of those who look at you funny ( it’s their problem, not your!) be unapologetic. Soon, these people will mean very little and to be honest, when people look at me funny because of my hair, I flaunt it even more.
I wish I had this confidence 10 years ago.

I'm white with naturally curly hair.

Unfortunately, the curl pattern is all over the place so never looks good if I leave it natural. Even worse, I'm going grey! And I can't go that lovely, professional-looking steel grey, can I? Oh, no. I have to go grandma white grey - not a good look.

If it's any consolation, I succumb to straighteners on a daily basis in an effort to look a bit more polished and professional.

It's a sad fact of life that women are expected to conform to certain standards and looks. I've used chemical straighteners and had my scalp burned in an effort to make life easier and quicker to get out of the house in the morning and look more groomed at work.

I've now settled on Steampod straighteners and Color Wow's Dream Coat. The chemical look without the chemical burns or asthma attacks from fumes.

If I wasn't under this pressure, I'd be leaving my hair mostly natural and straightened only for a change - and get hours of my life back!

When the day comes I need a wig, I will be buying a straight blonde one as this is the hair I've always wanted (though I'd probably have been satisfied with my dark brown hair if the curl had been tighter and prettier/more afro).

Can you have weekday straight hair and weekend natural hair? Do you have casual Fridays? Could you wear natural hair then? I've found that once I've settled into a job and judged on my performance I can literally let my hair down more often.

I work with a Ghanaian woman who has her hair cut very short. She has amazingly funky glasses and is one of the most elegant women I know. She has always kept her hair short - I’ve never seen her with plaits or even slightly longer hair. And I’ve never seen her treated with anything other than courtesy and professionalism.

Also, forgot to say but I know it’s not easy in the world of work but honestly, do you really want to work for people who look at you funny because of how you choose to wear your hair?
If they hold such dated views, only god knows what other thoughts they might have.

Agree with afromumma too. I read a low self esteem in your post. I became natural 7 years ago beacause of my daughter. Best decision I ever made. Never had a single negative comment from white people or employers, maybe because I work in the public sector and fairly senior.
I find more negative comments from black people and even that is changing.
My DH did not like it initially but now is fully onboard and my sons especially love it and absolutely hate it when I wear wigs to give my hair a rest.
90% of my circle of black women have natural hair and those that were highly critical are all transitioning now. It is so liberating.

Just to add, there are other reasons why some black women may choose to relax, wear wigs, braid or loc their hair. My mums generation it was mainly considered stylish, some do it for convenience.
My hair texture is not too kinky so my hair is fairly east to maintain. Contrast it with my sister who has very thick coarse hair. She has struggled with making the change and fully transitioned last year but still uses a lot of wigs.

Who said your hair looks unprofessional? One of the most beautiful women I ever worked with was a solicitor who had her own natural Afro hair. I've struggled with my own hair all my adult life - it's thin and blows about in the wind even if there's no wind. I never thought about whether it looked professional or not. I had to make the best of what I had. You probably look beautiful the way you are. Best wishes to you.

Like anyone's hair, afro or otherwise, a good cut, good products and regular grooming means your hair would always look good.

My DD has natural afro hair. It's very long and she wears it in a variety of styles. She's always being complemented and while I'm not saying it doesn't take work to keep it looking nice, so does mine which is poker straight caucasian.

Did you see the report on BBC news a while back about endocrine disrupting chemicals being heavily prevalent and not listed in the ingredients in hair care products marketed for Afro hair? Your right to steer clear of relaxers etc.