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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to not know how to respond to this message...

646 replies

WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2018 12:14

...from a "gentleman" with whom I had a recent liaison?

"Urgh, this is horrible for me, and for you, and it could well sour things and I would hate myself if it did. But, I have to be honest. I said you were not my normal type, physically, and that is very true. I am really attracted to slim women, I can't help it and have tried before, with it not getting very far. I completely accept that circumstances and free time dictate how we are able to shape ourselves. I understand if you are hurt by this, and trust me I hate it having to be a thing. I hate the idea of men dictating to a woman what they should look like, and I am not telling you to do anything. I am just saying, in the past at least, this issue has got in the way. If you did feel like meeting me in the middle on this then I am realistic and not as demanding as you might initially think. As I say I totally understand that your circumstances and how they are not exactly kind in this respect. There are literally zero other red flags, especially none outside of your control, maybe. Urgh, I am so sorry, I know how this issue can really fuck women up but as I say I can't help what I like, but I am super realistic about what is possible and what is not. Urgh urgh."

Suggestions for an appropriate response would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
musketeers123 · 23/10/2018 20:53

So with FadedRed & Orangesunsets 🤗🤗

eveamber · 23/10/2018 20:54

Dont reply, better off without him.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/10/2018 20:56

This man is a nasty, creepy fucker who hates women. It's not about his particular preferences - we all have our preferences and there isn't anything inherently wrong with him being more attracted to thin women - it's about the fact that he sent the OP a message designed to hurt her feelings and make her feel insecure and ashamed of her body.

My reply would be 'You really are inadequate, aren't you? Bye, dickweed.'

Fabulousdahlink · 23/10/2018 20:57

FadedRed and MarthasGinYard...both your answers were just so perfect.
I'd go with both...and sign off with...
" Sadly you just dont deserve my curves...not everyman does"
Then block. What a fool. There's the reason in his text..right there why he's single...

You are not the cockwomblewhisperer. Let him work out the reason he's single all on his own. Go out and enjoy your dating life with men who do deserve your curves.

ciderhouserules · 23/10/2018 20:58

Why do people think body shaming is an appropriate way to respond to someone body shaming? - that is exactly what I was feeling! It's sinking to his level, and giving him the satisfaction of getting to her'.

His is a horrible, entitled message for sure, and I'd be inclined towards 'I choose cake' especially as the OP is not large! And just blocking might make him think that she is sitting at home crying over him... Angry.

CommanderDaisy · 23/10/2018 21:00

The repeated "urgh,urghs" sounds like he's knocking one out while texting to be honest.

"Urgh - I'm going to insult her"
"Urgh - how is she taking this - she's gonna be upset , this is so great "
"Urgh, Urgh - I'm pressing send"
"Uuuuuuuurrrrrgggggghhhhhhh"

Yucko. Narrow swerve.

Rudgie47 · 23/10/2018 21:09

He sounds mentally deranged. I'd block him off everything and just forget him.

ToftyAC · 23/10/2018 21:12

Get the fuck away from me..... that would be my answer.

Port1ajazz · 23/10/2018 21:12

Two words come to mind ! I don't think I need to write them do I ?

beverleymarfleet · 23/10/2018 21:17

I wasted several years in a toxic relationship with a man who effectively 'gaslit' around my weight and who then moved on to undermine pretty much all other areas of my life. I am now happily married but have had to spend a lot of time and money unpicking the damage he caused. You are worth more.

fluffycatinahat · 23/10/2018 21:17

I don't think this is a made up neg. I've had something similar twice in person as a teenager. And both were completely befuddled when I dumped them immediately.

Reminds me of Mr Darcys first proposal so I would say
In vain I have struggled. It will not do.
I cannot think of a bigger fool than you...

fluffycatinahat · 23/10/2018 21:25

I'm not a size 12 though. Maybe he texted the wrong date?

MistressDeeCee · 23/10/2018 21:26

Reply using the same message, but edited so that it refers to the size of his penis

^Yep. Petty af, but so appropriate.

Dickhead.

QueenDoria · 23/10/2018 21:42

I've never been so hoping that the Daily Mail would pick up on a thread...

But I'd like to reiterate what an earlier poster said,

"I choose cake"

Hshahshahahahaha!
Please please send that message

OrigamiZoo · 23/10/2018 22:10

'It was a only ever meant to be shag and and not the best this voluptuous booty has ever had. Get over yourself!'

BullshitometerCalibrator · 23/10/2018 22:12

How about "I'll pass thanks - tbh cake tastes better than you. And on that sensitive note, sorry but you might want to revise your hygiene habits. I have basic standards you didn't meet, but maybe you can't help smelling like that? Maybe that's something you could work on for your next victim. Good luck." But that would be my gut reaction. Maybe the classier response would be nothing and to just ghost him. What a complete twat he is. He'll no doubt lead a lonely existence. And karma is a bitch.

waterlego6064 · 23/10/2018 22:13

Ah, some brilliant responses here! I see the OP has dealt with it appropriately.

Aside from ignoring and blocking, I think ‘lol’ is an excellent response. It’s so understated and would mean there are no lines to try and ‘read between’, so would likely make him wonder...‘Does she think I’m joking? Or does she know I’m serious but doesn’t care?’ Along similar lines, something a bit vague like: ‘Gosh, what a strange message- you are funny! Good luck with everything.’

Didactylos · 23/10/2018 22:21

xkcd.com/1027/

Goldilocks3Bears · 23/10/2018 22:26

Jesus wept.

Write nothing else and certainly don’t recognise his put down with anything remotely referring to yourself.

BibiThree · 23/10/2018 22:27

Best response so far is @MaiaRindell
"Sadly, meeting in the middle would still make you a twat."
What an absolute bellend he is.

Iseveryusernametaken · 23/10/2018 22:34

"I'm so relieved! I was really worried about hurting your feelings, as neither your physical or behavioural attributes are really not up to my normal standards. Unfortunately, on this one I can't really see a 'meet in the middle' position as I don't think it's really possible to make improvements in this way. It's really not your fault though and I hope that you don't feel too inferior. Urgh, I hate having to send these messages, still, I'm sure we'll both have better luck next time"

WigglyBraddins · 23/10/2018 22:41

@Didactylos I love it!

OP posts:
SchadenfreudeUndeadified · 23/10/2018 22:42

I love the Hat Man on xkcd Didactylos

MrsST · 23/10/2018 22:43

I also know this beauty and I'd totally do her.
What you need is a black candle- Mold it into a cock, carve that fuckers name into it and burn it! No more erections for him!
Arsewipe

a1poshpaws · 23/10/2018 22:46

I'm lost for words. Ignore, or aw bless seem like good advice from others, though.

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