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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 22/10/2018 17:09

I think it's comments like hers that this was invented for ----> 😂

SuperGekkoMuscles · 22/10/2018 17:11

OP, cancel the cheque refers to a thread (in 3 instalments I think?) by TidyDancer which contains the highest cheeky fuckery. It’s excellent and is in Classics if you want a read.

Artofhappiness · 22/10/2018 17:17

I’d sit on it and wait a few days, if you do anything at all. You don’t know if it’s actually her posting (her account could’ve been used by an ex, bot etc) nor what her motivation might be (bumping into a mutual friend/drunk reminiscing/sudden realisation that she fucked up and it’s a clumsy attempt at humorous contact). I very much doubt she is serious about expecting to be your bridesmaid after no contact for years. She could be at a really low ebb in life and is just reaching out without thinking about how it would appear. See how you feel about it in a few days and in the meantime she might contact you properly or even delete the post herself. Be kind, even though it sounds like she wasn’t.

DaffydownClock · 22/10/2018 17:24

If your or her mother says anything about her being BM just say 'Hardly, I haven't heard from her for four years!' And ignore her message.

MsLexic · 22/10/2018 17:33

Is it that she was threatened by over some man she was with? That would explain now you are safely hitched.
My best friend of 20 years who ghosted after moving a few miles away, recently wrote me a letter. It was a weird typed letter with no 'dear' or 'love so and so'.
It was just her news.
I put it in the bin and cried.It's very creepy I think. Bugger her.

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 17:39

see i think Tidys thread is where 'are you on glue?' comes from

cancel the cheque is another wedding one about a bride who wrote to the op to ask for more money it is in classics i think it was by Puzzeledandpissedoff i think outrageous cheekiness but the thread itself is 90% people saying cancel the cheque (the cheque had already been cashed hence the frustration)

RuggerHug · 22/10/2018 17:44

Think maybe her DM has said 'oooh did you congratulate X on being engaged? Why not? Why?' and she's done that to hush her up without technically lying to her DM?

I'm being ridiculous I know..

Upsy1981 · 22/10/2018 18:08

OP, you keep replying to people questioning your FB settings so you're obviously reading the replies. So, what are you going to do?

MortyVicar · 22/10/2018 18:21

Any danger that if you don't reply she'll take your silence as consent that she WILL be your bm?

LittleHootie · 22/10/2018 18:28

Don't let her back into your life cos she'll inevitably do the same thing later.

I'd just ignore/delete the friend request.

If you do want to message then I would just explain that the friendship ended 4 years ago when she blocked you.

She must think you are a right mug x

CoughLaughFart · 22/10/2018 19:06

There's no way on hells earth I'd have her at my wedding and I'd expect my mother to support me in that by blocking her off her FB too.

While I absolutely wouldn’t want someone like that anywhere near my wedding, I think the OP asking her mum to block this woman will only cause more trouble. Think about it - the two sets of parents have been friends for decades. It’s probably awkward enough that their daughters aren’t talking. For one to very clearly make a point of getting involved would probably be the end of that friendship too.

forumdonkey · 22/10/2018 19:06

If it was me I'd have to message and ask why she blocked. I wouldn't be friendly but I wouldn't be rude either. If she does reply I

BlingLoving · 22/10/2018 19:17

What I don't understand is why you didn't tackle it when she first blocked you? If a good friend just suddenly ghosted me, I'd make more of an effort than one message?

forumdonkey · 22/10/2018 19:19

Damn my phone is playing up on MN for some reason

After the message, reply or not I'd just ignore. I wouldn't block her either, for the same reason as you OP

forumdonkey · 22/10/2018 19:21

@BlingLoving rtft, she was blocked

Whocansay · 22/10/2018 19:27

I would reply, so that there is no 'misunderstanding'. You need to be clear that she is not invited to your wedding and definitely not your bridesmaid.

Anyone who's unhinged enough to send that message, is also unhinged enough to just turn up.

I don't think it really matters why she blocked you. I'm sure it mattered at the time, but surely you've moved on? It's clearly her loss.

I would send a polite message and then block her. She has an ulterior motive. I doubt it's simply FOMO.

Butterflycookie · 22/10/2018 19:29

What I don't understand is why you didn't tackle it when she first blocked you? If a good friend just suddenly ghosted me, I'd make more of an effort than one message?

I was thinking the same thing. I’d be ringing them constantly to get in touch. I would’ve asked her parents. And also your family who she didn’t block to contact her.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 19:35

@blingloving @butterflycookie how exactly could I ring somebody who had blocked me and why would I want to? Why would I want to waste my time chasing after her when she made it clear that our friendship was over for whatever reason? And my parents friendship is seperate to that and I wouldn’t want to go dragging them into it and making it awkward for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 19:38

Still completely undecided as to what I’m going to do. As one pp said, I do agree that if I block her that will give her the chance to toddle off to her parents and possibly mine and say look see I did try and she’s blocked me so it’s all her

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 22/10/2018 19:38

Is she being sarcastic maybe? Could you have unknowingly offended her, which is why she blocked you? I just can't believe how anyone could be in such an astoundingly cheeky-fuckery headspace to think it's okay to block you then expect to be your bridesmaid. I'd have to ask.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 19:39

@CoughLaughFart Yes definitely don’t want to make my mum block her and drag her into it as well, their friendship is completely seperate and I respect and appreciate that and would never want to put my parents in that position of feeling they have to choose

OP posts:
Whocansay · 22/10/2018 19:39

Doesn't matter what she thinks or says. HER actions have caused this rift.

Still totally gobsmacked that she expects to be your bridesmaid mind you!

yelpingSpookyWillies · 22/10/2018 19:41

You've got nothing to lose by saying "wow, blast from the past! - I was surprised to see your name on my friends request list seeing as you'd blocked me for a few years! - glad to see all is well with you - I hope life treats you well - take care"

Thus showing her you knew you'd been blocked and you really don't care anymore xxx

tempname111 · 22/10/2018 19:41

For what it's worth, I agree with accepting the request, private message asking why she blocked you (for curiosity) respond if appropriate, then block. It's a win win as in you get the question answered then revert back to no contact.

MrsReacher1 · 22/10/2018 19:53

This all seems childish - who "blocked" who first. Give her a call. Tell her how nice it is that she is back in the country and arrange a drink. Enjoy your evening together, laugh about old times, value being with someone who has known you that long and see where it takes you.

If you still have a friendship that makes you happy - that's great. If you have both moved in different directions and no longer click then leave on good terms.

Years ago pre-social media - people went travelling and you didn't hear from them for ages. Maybe she wanted to ditch the whole social media stuff, (it is exhausting).

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