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Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 22/10/2018 16:12

Do you think your parents might have suggested to her parents that she will be invited, and have mentioned that it would be lovely if she were to be a bridesmaid as planned when you were little girls? I am not sure from your posts as to what your parents actually know.

QueenDaisy · 22/10/2018 16:13

If she’d blocked you, she wouldn’t see your post, even if mutual friends are tagged in it. When you block someone neither of you see each others posts. You have stated you have mutual friends/family, one of them has told them about your engagement & she has unblocked you, so that she can see the post. Personally I’d just delete the message without replying & block her Smile

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2018 16:15

Op, just message her back and say so what happened all those years ago to cause you to block me?

You must want to know. I would.

Gemini69 · 22/10/2018 16:15

don't over think this.. block... the end

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2018 16:16

Refer Queen,tbefriend unblocked her, so could see op posts.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 16:26

@StarlitTrees I’ve seen so many people say that on various threads but I have no idea what it means and don’t get the reference, can tell I’m fairly new here haha

OP posts:
BlancheM · 22/10/2018 16:27

I'm very straightforward so I'd just reply to the comment, 'hello again, why did you have me blocked for 4 years?'

Iloveacurry · 22/10/2018 16:31

I would comment back ‘why would I have you as a bridesmaid after you blocked me for 4 years?’

bourbonbiccy · 22/10/2018 16:32

I would have to know why she blocked me in the 1st place, so would have to say something like, "oh thanks but i didn't think you would still want to be bridesmaid after the whole randomly blocking me thing, what was that about ??"

My mate did something slightly similar,we were mates for years, she got a fella, then I really didn't see her much. She then sent me a random message saying she didn't want to see me again until I changed my attitude towards her ...completely out of blue it was very strange, then we didn't speak for over 2 years.

She then out of blue gets in touch with a " do you want to meet up" I said " well I haven't changed my attitude so it's up to you. I'm still same old me" so back mates and turns out she and her fella had split up. Ssoooo she is seeing someone new and haven't seen her again. I have had a massive sad and devastating event in my life where all my mates I hadn't seen in ages have been checking in on me....haven't see her... just messages. I think some people are just narcissists and are unaware of how their actions affect others

Would definitely need to know why though with your friend as it would drive me crazy....and bridesmaid ..I don't think.

CandleWithHair · 22/10/2018 16:33

What a dick! I’d also go for BlancheM’s straightforward approach

BewareOfDragons · 22/10/2018 16:34

Ignore the people who don't understand how FB works.

I would text her back once, and only once, along the lines of: "Sorry, but only family and friends are being invited to our wedding. We can't afford for just anyone to come, let alone someone who blocked me and disappeared from my life for four years ! Confused"

Or just block her. But I'd find it hard to not respond.

soupforbrains · 22/10/2018 16:35

@Dogmum94 I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a block.

She sounds like the sort to kick up a right fuss about it and say how she was only being supportive and nice and you've done blah blah blah.

I would just completely ignore her comment and her message and continue to ignore her. If she whines about it via any other family members etc, you can respond with a tinkley laugh and say "I thought she was joking, she hasn't accepted my calls or messages for 4 years, why on earth would she be a bridesmaid?! tinkley laugh"

NameChanger365 · 22/10/2018 16:37

Depending on whether you’d like to see/ speak to her again (whether just to find out why she behaved as she did in the past or if you would like to resume some kind of friendship) i’d do one of two things. Either just completely ignore her or post a reply which comes from a standpoint of assuming she’s joking, some thing along the lines of “Ha ha, yeah it’s funny how we all think we’ll be best friends forever when we’re young. But it’s good to hear from you after all this time - it must be at least 4 years since I last heard from you! It’s a shame we won’t be able to invite you to the wedding, but if you’d like to catch up some other time send me a pm”

That way it makes it completely public that a) she’s not invited and b) there’s a good reason for her not being invited. But you haven’t publicly shamed her - and it leaves it open for her to get in touch to explain why she cut you out, should this be her (socially incompetent) way of reaching out after having some kind of mental health problems or something.

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 16:38

@dogmum94 Cancel the check gets used when loads of posters pile on telling the op the same thing normally after the op has already give a reason for not doing it or already done it

NameChanger365 · 22/10/2018 16:38

Actually scratch that, I like BlancheM’s approach!

PavlovianLunge · 22/10/2018 16:39

OP, I suggest that you don’t give her any reaction; no messages, no blocking, nothing. Don’t be her, be better than her and keep a dignified silence.

Cancel the cheque is from a thread (wedding, I think) where the OP was unhappy about something, and part of the situation was that the OP had issued a cheque, which had subsequently been paid. All of this was explained early on. Cue many posters telling the OP to cancel the cheque.

Now it’s an MN in-joke where posters are offering advice or focusing on something that either can’t be changed, or is irrelevant.

itswinetime · 22/10/2018 16:42

By all means reach out to her and ask but please don't do it on a facebook post where everyone tagged and has commented will see. If you need to ask her or state firmly no way! private message her it facebook spats always end up with both parties looking bad I think.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2018 16:53

Op you do what you feel is right, blockherif you want, or send her a private message or keep a silence. It's up to you. For the record, it is not that easy to block, you don't just accidently hit the block button. You have Togo into settings,then select block, than type their name.so it was totally intentional on her part.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2018 16:54

Just keep that in mind.

PumpkinSpiceAmericanoNoSugar · 22/10/2018 16:56

If you feel that you need to respond (which you don't) then you could say something bland like "It's funny the plans that you make when you're a child, I was going to be an astronaut/marry David Beckham/some other thing that was clearly never going to happen."

CallMeRachel · 22/10/2018 16:57

There's absolutely no point in giving this woman any response. Replying to her to ask why she blocked you doesn't change why she did and she's never going to admit what her issue was with you to make her take that action. I bet it came down to jealousy though. Some people just can't bear to see other people having a better life than they have.

There's no way on hells earth I'd have her at my wedding and I'd expect my mother to support me in that by blocking her off her FB too.

RogerBannister · 22/10/2018 17:03

‘And folks, as the saying goes, it's really only acceptable to use the phrase reach out if you're a member of the four tops,🤣’

⬆️ This 👍

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2018 17:04

Somebody has said that she is reaching out to op, reaching out my big fat arse. She is behaving like an entitled cheeky fecker. Reaching out would be to privately message op apologising sincerely for blocking her, and explaining why. Maybe she was depressed, going through a bad time and was jealous of op, whatever. Not behaving like this.

Chanelprincess · 22/10/2018 17:04

She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger

Are you sure she hasn't just posted this as a joke to annoy you? Think about all the hours you're spending agonising over this - sounds like this is exactly what she'd love. to happen. She's clearly moved on long ago and not given you a thought while she's been having a great time travelling the world. Just ignore her.

Gemini69 · 22/10/2018 17:08

she sounds like a right Dick ..... Hmm