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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
WelcomeToGreenvale · 22/10/2018 19:55

I wouldn't be able to resist asking why she blocked me, to try to find out exactly what the problem was, but no way would I attempt to reconnect and go for a drink like some PPs have suggested. Maybe if it was her suggestion I'd be willing to meet up, but after such a long ghosting it'd be a hard sell.

CoughLaughFart · 22/10/2018 20:08

Maybe she wanted to ditch the whole social media stuff, (it is exhausting).

But she didn’t ditch ‘the whole social media stuff’. She ditched the OP. Even the most cursory glance at the thread would tell you that the ex-friend still has a social media presence and is even friends with the OP’s mother.

libbyhilljones · 22/10/2018 20:10

When I got engaged so many people I was friends with as a child and at school reappeared angling for an invite. I was politely responding to their messages "aww thank you so much, we're really excited :)" and left it at that. I would want to give her a piece of my mind as well but given that your parents are friends maybe just ignore her for now? Just be the bigger person and she will hopefully get the message. Worst case, she'll message you directly to follow up then you can explain

LynetteScavo · 22/10/2018 20:10

I wouldn't block her, but I would ignore her.

I would also tell my mum what had happened, so she could pass in to her friend that under no circumstances will her DD be a bridesmaid, after ignoring you for so long, should the topic arise.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 20:14

@MrsReacher1 she isn’t back in the country, as I previously stated she is still travelling and is due back just before the wedding. And why on earth would I want to ‘value being with’ somebody who can treat me like that!? Confused

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 22/10/2018 20:38

I wouldn't give her the time of day, let alone meet her for drinks

forumdonkey · 22/10/2018 20:39

@MrsReacher1 she didn't just ditch the social media, she went to the trouble of blocking OP (but not OPs DM). It's one thing deactivating her account and not being in touch and blocking on all forms of contact. It's not childish on OPs part but confusing and hurtful by someone she considered a good friend

RedDrink · 22/10/2018 20:58

I had a friend do similar to me, still no idea why she went from BFF to dropping me like a sack of potatoes. It was also about 4 years when she tries to be friends again, I just ignored her. Let the request sit and that was that.

seven201 · 22/10/2018 21:03

I would privately message her

"Hi lost friend. I hope you are having a great time travelling. I was shocked to receive your message. You blocked me out of the blue four years ago. I was really upset by that but moved on. I'm sure you appreciate it wouldn't be appropriate for you to attend the wedding. Thank you for the well wishes."

cheesefield · 22/10/2018 21:20

@seven201 Good message.

MrsReacher1 · 22/10/2018 21:25

Sorry thought she was coming back imminently - didn't realise the time scale. If she won't be back for ages then yes - it makes no sense to arrange a drink.

CandyCreeper · 22/10/2018 21:28

did you even read the thread @MrsReacher1 she BLOCKED the op on every SM thats not the same as just loosing touch with someone. it was a deliberate act.

SouthWestmom · 22/10/2018 21:33

So she blocked you out the blue, unblocked you, sent a friend request and then scrolled through your mum's timeline and found out about the wedding?

SouthWestmom · 22/10/2018 21:35

she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook

Do you mean here, unblocked and sent a request? Because that's determination to scroll through FB to find you. Maybe get in touch and see what she wants? Might be light hearted in public?

MrsA2015 · 22/10/2018 21:43

This thread is so frustrating!!!! OP do NOT let her back in.

Message her pronto saying “eh?”

crispysausagerolls · 22/10/2018 21:54

I don’t understand why you aren’t responding to the idea of just asking her why she blocked you - surely that makes the most sense?

Nanny0gg · 22/10/2018 22:05

Why don't you just ask her what happened?

I never understand these threads...

Mummymummums · 22/10/2018 22:11

I'm not understanding the point of the thread either. OP only responds to the posters who repeatedly question how her friend commented on her post. And seems content to do nothing and not even tell her own family. Yes, frustrating.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 22:25

@Mummymummums I have told my family. My mum is aware however I haven’t asked to block her or get involved for reasons I have already stated.
I am trying to keep up with everyone’s comments and take everyone’s opinions on board, but find it seriously annoying when people KEEP saying the same thing and I have to repeat myself constantly so I chose to respond to those ones first so that there was a clear picture. Where have I said I’m not going to ask her? I was simply asking what other people would do as I was curious.
If you don’t have anything constructive to say why even comment?

OP posts:
Antigon · 22/10/2018 22:36

OP, I was sympathetic upthread but you do seem to be lapping up the drama now.

It's not bloody Sophie's choice, is it? Text her or just ignore her, it's not one of life's great dilemmas, is it.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 22:40

Fucking hell you really can’t win in this place can you Hmm people have a go at you if you don’t respond to every question or pp and then other people have a go at you if you do respond and tell you you’re lapping up drama Confused
Thanks for all the replies everyone, I was simply curious as to what other people would do, to help level my head before I went in on first reaction and did or said something I regret.

OP posts:
Mummymummums · 22/10/2018 22:41

Hmmmm 240+ comments and almost 11 hours.....
Not quite understanding why only the Facebook privacy theme is all you can reply to. Just ask her, or don't, or have her as a bridesmaid if you like. You've got lots of constructive posters talking a lot of sense.

seventhgonickname · 22/10/2018 22:45

Just ask her.
If she wants to be any part of your new life she needs to explain why since , presumably your childhood dreams didn't have her cutting you out if her life for 4 years.

FunSponges · 22/10/2018 22:47

Lapping up the drama? Oh do me a favour. Ffs, this place sometimes.

OP I think I'd have to ask her why she had unblocked me and why she thought she was still a friend let alone being your BM. I'd been to hear what her reasoning was.

Biancadelriosback · 22/10/2018 23:56

Christ this thread is frustrating!! If you don't understand Facebook, stop asking questions! This isn't the time or the place.

OP I would just ignore her. Just crack on as normal, send your invites out as normal (obviously not one for her) and just enjoy the build up to your wedding! If she rocks up on the day just laugh and walk away