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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger
She’s being a CF isn’t she?

OP posts:

Belina · 22/10/2018 15:37

op update us on what happens and what you send replies ect

Lalliella · 22/10/2018 15:40

A bit off topic but your privacy settings must be really low for someone who isn’t your fb friend to be able to see your posts and comment on them. You need to sort this out. Atm perfect strangers can see all sorts of stuff about you, and this can lead to indemnity theft.

Back to your former friend, I’d leave a laughing face emoji on her comment and nothing else.

CandyCreeper · 22/10/2018 15:42

I didnt realise you could
comment on peoples
posts
that you arent friends with? thats the first thing i would be sorting!

hellsbellsmelons · 22/10/2018 15:42

Good grief - total CF-ery!
Honestly.... I'd just block her!
That would send the right message!

OlennasWimple · 22/10/2018 15:44

I'd ask her what happened, where she went and what she meant by blocking you

I've had some friends do similar (nothing as extreme as blocking and then assuming that they would still be BM, but still complete radio silence for years and years and years) and it turns out that they have ben through the mill personally and basically retreated into themselves. Things like a BF dying suddenly; rape; pregnancy that has had to be terminated because of a syndrome incompatible with life; MH problems...

I'd hate for one of my oldest friends to turn their backs on me if I got up the courage to reach out after many years, so would at least give her the chance to explain

AcrossthePond55 · 22/10/2018 15:45

I agree with PPs who say to send her a non-commital/non-confrontational PM asking why she blocked you and why she's getting in touch now, saying nothing about the wedding/bridesmaid thing. I realize there's a 1 in 1,000,000 chance that she has a good reason for it, but I'd take the chance anyway. What have you got to lose?

Original poster

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 15:46

Honestly how many times do I have to repeat myself!? She commented on it because my mum was tagged in it and friends of people tagged can also see it and comment on it. My Facebook account isn’t set to public!!

OP posts:

TatianaLarina · 22/10/2018 15:46

If she had a good reason then she would have addressed it in her message. Not simply chirped up as if nothing had happened.

SharpLily · 22/10/2018 15:50

I'd hate for one of my oldest friends to turn their backs on me if I got up the courage to reach out after many years, so would at least give her the chance to explain

That's very generous of you in this case - I'd be prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt too if she had sent a private message explaining that, but to block and then suddenly comment assuming not only that she's invited to the wedding but that she's also a bridesmaid? No, that's not right.

TatterdemalionAspie · 22/10/2018 15:51

React to her comment with the face, but otherwise completely ignore her. Take the opportunity to have a good old nose through her FB, too.

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 22/10/2018 15:52

Good god, people! RTFT!! OP I’d just message her to ask why she ghosted and blocked you and that she’d be better off doing it again as she is no way having anything to do with your wedding.

CandyCreeper · 22/10/2018 15:53

well maybe change your privacy settings!

dustarr73 · 22/10/2018 15:55

I think you need to answer her,and make it clear that she isnt a bridesmaid nor is she a guest.Otherwise you might find yourself with an extra bridesmaid if you just ignore her.

Plus make sure your parents are on the same page as you,so tell them not to let anything slip to their friends

Petalflowers · 22/10/2018 15:56

It’s very cheeky to assume she will be bridesmaid..

I’m wondering whether her circumstances have changed. Was her boyfriend controlling, and hence she dropped friendships. Is she now free to,pursue them again?

Must admit, i’d Be tempted to meet her for coffee, to ask her all those unanswered questions. Ie. Why did she block you?

Potterpotty · 22/10/2018 15:59

See the thing I find weird is she blocked you but not your family, probably so she can still see what you are up to but you then can't see her.

I would definitely message her to say "well it's nice to finally hear from you, unfortunately all my bridesmaids spots have been filled by people who actually care about me"

Also knowing she can see your photos, just wait until she sees your wedding photos and I'm sure she will be sick with envy.

Pupsiecola · 22/10/2018 15:59

She is being a CF regards the bridesmaid comment, but I also wonder if she's been through something really traumatic or has some reason for her actions which she now regrets. I would ask her what's gone on etc. I believe some people sometimes deserve a second chance. if it was a friendship you valued it may be worth exploring.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 22/10/2018 16:01

@Dogmum94 I agree with a few other pp and I'd just ask her why she blocked you. If she answers then you decide from there based on the response. If she doesn't respond then I'd block her and not give it a second thought.

Roussette · 22/10/2018 16:04

I'd hate for one of my oldest friends to turn their backs on me if I got up the courage to reach out after many years, so would at least give her the chance to explain

Reach out? Saying 'looking forward to being your BM!' is not reaching out!
Reaching out is sending a heartfelt message, apology and explanation as to why she ghosted the OP for 4 years. That's different than a cheery 'can't wait to be your BM'.

I've learnt over the years that silence is the best response. Much as you might want to ask WTAF is going on, it just opens up dialogue that may not be good. If she's that desperate to rekindle the friendship she can contact you with a nicer from the heart message.

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2018 16:05

Op stop responding to the ridiculous Facebook questions.

Anyways, do you really have no idea why she blocked you? No falling out or disagreement in the run up to it?

Personally I'd ask her.

Antigon · 22/10/2018 16:06

OP, people are just being thick, ignore them.

Have you decided how you're going to respond, if at all?

I would respond:

"Hi CF, hope travels went well. We're having a small wedding and I'm afraid all invites have been sent now. Wish you well for the future. Gogmum.

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2018 16:06

And folks, as the saying goes, it's really only acceptable to use the phrase reach out if you're a member of the four tops,🤣

Jaxhog · 22/10/2018 16:06

I agree with @givemyheadpeacesffs Just ask her. How she responds will tell you more. Maybe she's an idiot with tech and didn't know she'd blocked you (clutching at straws).

PhilomenaDeathsHeadHawkMoth · 22/10/2018 16:07

Please, please, tell her to fuck off.

Original poster

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 16:11

@Bluntness100 yes I’m just going to ignore all those now as they’re winding me up haha. Nope no big falling out, nothing like that. No big changes in either of our lives that either of us were left out or or anything. Just went to message her one day and noticed she’d blocked me, the last contact we’d had was around a week before, just general chit chat etc

OP posts:

StarlitTrees · 22/10/2018 16:11

OP have you cancelled the cheque?

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